About me

Updated May 3, 2013 with comments about my first BDSM play session (below):

I have felt submissive ever since I was a pre-teen and then in high school became more aware of my own feelings which centered around feet and also about being whipped.  In my early 20s in Southern California I joined a club called Threshhold for a year, attending discussions and social gatherings as well as one play party, though I only watched.  I was too introverted and shy to make contact with anyone.  I did not have my first actual experience until one very enjoyable scene when I was in my mid-20s (arranged through a newspaper ad and then a phone call) and did not have any experiences after that until I met my wife.

My wife and I have had some BDSM fun throughout our 15+-year marriage but just mild with some occasional bondage and whipping – plus me worshipping her feet frequently throughout our courtship and marriage because we have both always loved that.  Until mid-late 2011 when I discovered web sites which re-awakened the BDSM submissive animal in me, so to speak.

My wife loves the change in me and, though she had not been into BDSM before meeting me, she is enjoying dominating me more and more as we explore new toys such as butt plugs, electrostim, a crop, a beginner’s bullwhip, and her favorite a wooden paddle (just to name a few). My wife always had a “devil in her” even as a child but never thought of it as an appealing part of herself until she met me.  We both like for the devil in her to come out and play.  Toys help my wife get in touch with her dominant side but sometimes she doesn’t need a specifc toy and will just start whacking me with whatever is nearby (the kitchen is a dangerous place lol).  We are not Dominant/submissive full-time but my wife will not hesitate to tell me to strip so she can whip me, have me service her sexually (which I do not detail in my blog), have me perform some humiliating act such as serve as a footrest, or otherwise dominate me at most any time of the day or night, knowing that I love every moment of it.

In addition, we are going down a path towards a Female Led Relationship (FLR), how far we go is up to my wife as I am game for all of it over the course of time.  We have discussed limits of this for now and she is taking advantage of me within those limits by having me perform many more chores around the house, having me as her servant/slave, and generally ordering me around however she wants.

Although my wife may take control anytime she wants, she does not consider our D/s dynamic to be 24/7 and when she is not dominating me we are a typical loving husband and wife each with our own careers.  Our great marriage has grown even greater with BDSM in it and we frequently comment to each other how much better our marriage is now than before there was much BDSM in it.  My favorite scenarios are being whipped or spanked and worshipping her feet and I am lucky to be able to say that this occurs almost every day.

 

 

Added May 3, 2013:

My First BDSM Play Session

In my mid-20s before I met my Princess I did play casually with someone.  There was no internet so I answered a newspaper ad and then we talked on the phone about what we were looking for.  He (yes he) and I had compatibility so I went to his house (I told my brother where I was but not why I was there) and we talked some more.  When he asked, I indicated that I enjoyed being whipped and kissing feet, but we did not talk scene details beyond that, other than my being clear that this was not a sexual experience for me and he was cool with that.

I was nervous but looking forward to it.  He was an experienced dominant and I was open with him about my zero experience and about not knowing what to expect.

He led me into his bedroom for the scene to begin.  He told me to take off my clothes except my underwear, and I fumbled around with that, clearly intimidated.  I think he liked that, and I know I did.  He got in my face and berated me for being so clumsy, and played his alpha male card in how he owns me.  I don’t remember quite what he said (it was almost 25 years ago) but he grabbed the back of my hair and got in my face, which was great especially since I have lived a very non-confrontational life so this was very unusual for me to be yelled at.

Eventually he told me to get on the floor face down where he pulled down my underwear and whipped my back and butt, I don’t remember what he used but it was flexible.  He was very light with it because I had stressed several times earlier that I can’t take much pain, but there was enough sting to get me squirming and at least internally begging (I didn’t beg out loud, though).

After some whipping he got on the bed and dangled his feet off, then he had me crawl towards his feet and remove his shoes and socks.  I distinctly remember what he told me next.  In our discussions I used the word “kiss” but at this moment he told me to lick his bare feet.  My mind spun but I loved the humiliation I felt.  Could I really do this, though?

At first I couldn’t bring myself to obey.  I tried but my head wouldn’t move forward.  He repeated his command and then again much louder, and finally I just did it.

To make a too-long story short, I spent 15 minutes with that before he told me to stop and lie on the bed, where he gave me some hugging aftercare (no sexual contact and he was clothed).  He asked if I’d had enough and I said no, hoping that the 15 minutes could be repeated.  But he got up and started whipping me again, and ramped up the intensity until I actually did beg out loud.  I remember saying “Please!” and he said “Please what?”  I think he wanted “Please Master” or something like that but I was in pain and I just said “Please stop!”  He kept whipping me for a bit more until he looked at my face which had a tear running from my eye, then he stopped.

We talked afterward and he told me that he enjoyed the foot worship and my crying at the end the best.  It was too much for me to process and I wasn’t 100% sure that I had a great time, so I expressed a bit of internal confusion to him and I’m sure that’s why he never called me again.  But a day or two later I realized how great the entire session was, not just those 15 minutes.

And of course nowadays my Princess never lets me hear the end of it as she humiliates me by reminding me lol.

 

 

On a FetLife thread someone asked of submissives “What is in it for you?” and here is my answer:

I have a desire/need to be victimized, controlled, and made to suffer (within limits) by my dominant wife.  If she didn’t enjoy making me suffer then I wouldn’t enjoy it because a) I wouldn’t feel her sadism which to me is the whole point of my being a victim and b) I love her to death and I want to make her happy.

I also enjoy serving as her slave to make her happy and as a complement to my suffering.

If for some reason my wife wanted to victimize me and make me to suffer but she didn’t want me to serve her then I would be missing out on something good but I would cope.  On the other hand, if she wanted me to serve her but without any suffering then I would not be able to cope with that as my need wouldn’t be fulfilled.  Luckily for me, my wife enjoys both being served and making me suffer so it’s a win-win!

 

 

On a FetLife thread “What is your favorite context for pain?” Sept 2 2012 here is my post:

When my dominant wife tortures me (consensually of course) there is no specific role-playing about being in a situation such as interrogation but the context is that I do not want it but comply because she is the one in charge.

I love the torture she gives me and I want it as much as she would want to hurt me, but before a scene begins I have a mindset that I do not want it.  It is role-playing in a sense but it is part reality too because I know that once the pain begins I will be sincerely begging for it to stop as I yell and sometimes scream at the top of my lungs.  So before a scene begins I tap into what I know will occur, which is sincere begging for it to stop.

Why would I be sincerely begging for it to stop?  Because it hurts! lol  During the torture it hurts and I want it to stop, even though inside of me and in the overall picture I do not want it to stop at all.

My dynamic is that I love to be victimized by my wife.  I don’t enjoy the pain for its own sake, only in the context of feeling her sadism and the victimization I feel.  I don’t ever say “Oh yay, pain.  Please whip me!” because that’s 100% contrary to the dynamic I enjoy.

My wife enjoys this too because she gets to torture someone who “doesn’t want to be tortured” and who screams and begs for it to stop.  Of course she knows that overall I do love it, she wouldn’t enjoy it if I didn’t.

It’s probably confusing to try to read the above but it works for us.  My wife and I are also relatively new to BDSM.

 

Here is a post Jan 10, 2013 about the paradox of wanting but not wanting cruelty:  http://www.assdisc.com/blog/?p=302

 

I have decided to make a list of all of the rules and tasks I am responsible for.  Most of these are due to my status as slave although even some of the slave tasks were present from before D/s or M/s entered our lives (yes I was a whipped husband even when we were vanilla lol).

Updated Nov 6, 2012:

1) Make the bed every morning and any time the bed gets unmade such as after an S&M scene

2) At least 15 pushups every morning, a total of 70 pushups and 10 crunches (sit-ups) per day

3) Lie on my belly and kiss my Princess’ shoes, socks, and/or feet whenever one of us gets home while the other is already there, this can last for 30-180 seconds at my Princess’ whim — this one has been relaxed as of Feb 16, 2013

4) Put lotion on myself in several places after I shower (my Princess tried to get me to do this before D/s, now it is mandatory) and let my Princess smell me if she is home at the time

5) Wash the dishes after dinner (this is a husband duty)

6) When my Princess wants me in another room she always claps her hands and I drop everything to run to her (unless I am in the bathroom)

7) No socks with sandals (I don’t ever wear sandals anyway but this rule is over 15 years old so I figured that I would include it here)

8) No crossing the legs at the knees because that looks girly per my Princess (this rule is over 15 years old and yes it was a rule and not a request, I learned to adjust)

9) Fill my Princess’ two plastic water bottles with the filtered water she likes from the large plastic container, fill the plastic container with water from the tap so it goes through the filter, make sure that she has her large plastic cup filled with filtered water as she sits at her PC or in the den with me

10) Fill the bag of ice in the freezer and fill the ice tray with water, check this every night (I have received some funishments for forgetting to do this so I have a popup reminder for it on my PC)

11) Remind my Princess every night to perform her ball exercise (a popup reminder helps me with this)

12) Floss and remind my Princess to floss every night

13) After 11:00pm no FetLife or messaging friends met through FetLife

14) Every night make sure my Princess’ side of the bed is smoothed with 4 pillows the ways she likes them; tuck my Princess in every night

15) Every night after tucking my Princess in I must beg on my knees with hands clasped to be allowed to sleep in the bed (one night she made me sleep on the hard floor all night)

16) Weekly do the laundry – bed sheets and covers one weekend and clothing the other

17) Weekly gather and take out the trash, then roll in the trash barrels the next day (this is a husband duty)

18) Monthly vacuum the house

19) Monthly clean Princess’ bathroom

20) Monthly clean slave’s bathroom

21) Update www.doughmain.com nightly to ensure that I have completed all of my tasks for the day

22) Bow at the waist when performing a commanded task of fetching

23) Say “I love you” frequently including when we part and just before we go to sleep (this rule is over 15 years and I am always glad to obey)

24) Obey everything she tells me to do; with our dynamic being only for a year so far we still have stated limits (which do not come up since we both agree on these) and an area or two where our dynamic does not apply; otherwise, I always obey which means plenty of rubbing her feet, fetching, submitting to torture and/or humiliation (or direct pleasure) at any time, provide sensual and/or sexual servicing at any time, etc.

We do not have a punishment dynamic but if any of these are not completed to my Princess’ satisfaction then at the least I am admonished and sometimes I am funished.  Regardless, I am always contrite because I truly aim to serve and please, and I never act out to receive funishment because that is just not who I am.

4 thoughts on “About me

  1. i have very much the same inner orientation to merging masochism to your Femme with service and the whole psychology which you outline so well ie need to feel her genuine sadism with you as victim or else it doesn’t fly for you, etc.

  2. Hi! My name is Tiffany and I am doctoral student at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology in Los Angeles, California. You are being contacted to see if you quality to participate in a Research Study on BDSM and marriage for a Doctoral Dissertation. This study seeks to understand the lived subjective experiences of married couples that partake in Bondage, Dominance and Sadomasochism. If you are interested in participating, please respond back if you fulfill the following requirements.

    1. You are heterosexual and legally married.
    2. You have been legally married for a minimum period of 5 years.
    3. You and your partner consensually identify within the BDSM community.
    4. You are between the ages of 21 and 65.

    If you fulfill the requirements and are interested in participating, please let me know so I can send you the informed consent letter as well as the interview questions to provide you with more details.

    If you do not qualify or you are not interested, I would also appreciate any referrals regarding other BDSM couples that are married and meet the requirements. Thank you so much for your time and please feel free to e-mail me at txj9497@ego.thechicagoschool.edu .

    Warmly,

    Tiffany

  3. Hi Ted,
    Interested to read your ‘what’s in it for me’ comments. I have those same desires except I think it’s important for Mistress to push me beyond my limits otherwise the use of the cane would not have the punishing effect we both expect from it’s application. I also agree with you that it’s important that Mistress enjoys correcting me and that she takes great delight in me serving her. She absolutely detests doing household chores and is delighted to have found someone willing to take the responsibility for doing them.

  4. Hi garykane,
    Yes I wonder about that issue of pushing beyond your limits. I am guessing that I will learn about that as we go. I have had to safe word 3 times and 1 of those was because I was going to faint from the pain and also damage was being done (insertion of a huge dildo too fast). I don’t know what I would have done the other 2 times when it was just a matter of pain, if we did not have a safe word in place and my wife just kept hurting me. I guess I would really learn my lesson of whatever she was trying to teach me!

    I am often or almost always pushed beyond a point where I am saying at the moment “I am enjoying this right now” because I am not really a masochist, it’s the victimization and sadism I feel from my wife that I enjoy. So even before I would safe word I am truly begging for the pain to stop. I’m not sure how that would fit into a DD dynamic in which the pain would truly be for punishment.

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