In my life I frequently encounter guys who strongly imply that they would like to have sex with an attractive woman they see passing by (whether or not the guy is married), but I have never felt that way. I am sure that my lifetime of never having a desire for casual sex, and my lifetime of not really having sexual contact with much of anyone (almost zero sexual experience) prior to meeting my Princess over 15 years ago, is a big factor in that. If I see an attractive woman, or in some cases an attractive guy, I might enjoy what I am seeing but never with the association of anything sexual. I used to look at attractive women (and the occasional attractive man) with a sort of dreamy-eyed look but I would never associate that with wanting to have sex.
I used to ask myself “Self, what would you do with her if you would meet her and you both like each other?” and my answer was always “Hmmm, I dunno really, but I’m still going to look.” One reason to look would be that there was a nagging feeling in my mind that I should be looking for a partner, but I didn’t put pressure on myself. Before my Princess I had two girlfriends, one for over a year as a teenager before I was ready for anything, and the other in my mid-late 20s as a long-distance relationship (difficult since it was pre-internet) and I ended up meeting her in person for only two or three weekends. And now that I am married (for over 15 years), I have no reason to look at anyone so my occurrences of looking at anyone in that way (finding someone attractive) is almost nil. “Every guy looks, being married isn’t being dead” is something I have heard.
But I am dead to anyone other than my Princess from a sexual standpoint, they do nothing for me no matter what they look like or what they do. I suspect that this is not true for many guys who do look, and that is fine for them, but it just isn’t what I do because that isn’t interesting to me.
The same is true from a romantic relationship standpoint. Before I met my Princess I was open to a relationship, but now all of my romantic love – and the effort to show my love – is directed towards my Princess and I am dead to others from that standpoint also.
I remember before we got married, my Princess and I were in a chatroom together (ours was a long-distance relationship before I moved to the Bay Area to be with her) and a guy wanted to propose to his girlfriend but worried what might happen if a more attractive woman approached him. In his view, every guy would at least be tempted to drop their partner right away if someone else amazingly attractive came along. “Uhh, no” was my thought to that. Our comments to him was that if this was a worry then he was probably not ready for marriage. We never heard back from him.
This past weekend my Princess posted on FetLife (which is a rare thing for her because she typically only reads my posts without responding), in response to someone else, that my Princess would choose me over George Clooney. Well, as ridiculous as that may seem I feel the same way about my Princess for whatever other person you can name. I can’t think of a female equivalent to George Clooney but whomever that is, in the way out in space hypothetic that she sashays up to me with intimate intentions, why on earth would I even want to consider that? Money? Ok, that’s the only reason I admit lol. Because sexuality, sensuality, and love are not interesting to me from anyone other than my Princess. In fact, considering that my Princess is the only woman in whom I have had an orgasm, the thought of intimacy with anyone else makes me think yecch. My Princess and I joke with each other that she can have George Clooney in order to get his money but that’s all she would want him for.
This is probably why cuckolding is one of the few BDSM dynamics I have never fantasized about, even though it was fun from an imagination standpoint to come up with the two cuckolding fictional stories I wrote.
On FetLife and other BDSM sites people are generally open to alternative lifestyles and the issue of poly comes up somewhat frequently. After all, if someone is open to a lifestyle of D/s, why not also poly?
In my case, despite my monogamous personality as I indicate above, I am very open to people living how they want to live consensually whether that’s being in a poly household, having a harem of whatever genders, or whatever the heck they want. I do not hold monogamy as the right choice for everyone, just for me. I happen to enjoy hearing or reading about those who enjoy alternative lifestyles (I’m not sure why I enjoy reading about it but I do, it’s very interesting to me and just plain enjoyable to read about). So if someone posts a question about poly I think to myself go for it if that is what you want.
For myself, I think of the work required for both of us to keep our marriage strong and think omg I wouldn’t want to have to do double that amount for being poly. “Work”? Yes, it is work to help keep most any relationship strong, but most everyone knows that, I think.
There was a FetLife group about monogamy which I joined about a year ago but the owner of the group found that in another group I was … gasp … promoting for people to live how they want to live (poly). I got a good laugh out of flouncing out of that group.
Ok, not much BDSM in this post but I will mention that several days ago my Princess did that shush thing she does to me. She applies some sort of implement of pain to me, and when I yell loud as an involuntary reaction to the pain (even when I know that the pain is about to occur) she shushes me just in case the neighbors hear us from somewhat down the street. It’s not my fault! To make matters worse, several days ago after she shushed me she re-applied the neon wand again to a very sensitive area and I yelled loud again which caused her to shush me again. What on earth?! lol