Aug 7, 2013 – Crying

My Princess hurts me and makes me cry, and she keeps hurting me.  Ok, I know, play for me the world’s smallest violin, call me a waaaambulance ……… or, recognize that when I complain or whine it means I’m lovin’ it … or all of the above.

From time to time I see posts on FetLife about how to make a sub/masochist guy cry, because evidently it just does not occur for many of them.  Well, it sometimes occurs for me when my Princess is mean to me, usually with a combination of pain and some sort of humiliation.  One of our favorite songs has the line “Just one single tear in each passing year” but that is a significant underestimate.

August is my “birthday month.”  No, I had never heard of that either, birthday month.  I do not pay much attention at all to my own birthdays, it’s pretty much just another day and I am fine with that.  However, my Princess enjoys birthdays a whole lot so we celebrate hers and she tends to celebrate mine, and I am fine with that.  But this “birthday month” is more of a celebration than usual and her method of celebration is to impact my hide every day at least as many times as my age.  And I’m no spring chicken, double ouch to that.  But she usually doesn’t stop at my age, a few days ago we had three age-impact sessions, one as soon as we woke up (impact seems to hurt more in the early morning), one when I got home from work, and one later in the evening.  I don’t know how my Princess puts up with all of the yelling in pain, she’s a very tolerant person.

She varies the instrument she uses, choosing among I guess about 10 different primary implements, and seems to focus on my behind to keep the theme of birthday spankings.

Who knew that growing old could be so fun?  What happens when I’m 80 years old???

A couple of nights ago I had not received a “birthday month” spanking that day and it was time for bed, near 11:30.  I was not in the least bit tired, though, and my Princess and I both know that if I try to sleep when I’m not tired, it makes for a bad night of insomnia for me.  We went into the bedroom and I figured I would tuck her in bed for her to sleep but she told me to get on the bed and I could tell that she meant bid’ness.  I got on the bed but when she went into the closet to retrieve her instrument(s) of choice, I decided to have some fun.

I am not a brat.  (My Princess is probably smirking now when reading this, but when I ask her sincerely she agrees that I am not a brat.)  I don’t act out to get punishment and I don’t try to make a fool of her, etc.  However, I very much enjoy making her smile and laugh and one way to do that is to play around a bit.  A few months ago I quickly scurried away when she turned her back to retrieve my belt, she yelled for me to return, and I think she enjoyed it as she laughed while whipping me after I quickly returned.  I tried taking it a bit further this time.

In some computer games, you can try to lure the enemy by running away behind a tree or something, and when they chase you and pass by the tree you can attack or sneak around behind them.  I tried that technique with my Princess.  When she went into the closet I got off the bed and went into the next room, but instead of going forward straight into the room with the intention of going into the next room after that, I turned quickly right and hid behind a chair.  So I didn’t run far but just enough for her not to be able to find me right away.  I expected her to yell at me to return, and in the interests of making her laugh I did not obey (yeah bratty I know, but for a noble purpose!).  I expected her to chase after me, going into the next two rooms, and then I would slip behind her onto the bed and act as if I had obeyed completely.  I even had my facial expression in mind, wide-eyed and innocent.

My Princess performed the smart tactical maneuver, though, in that she stayed in the bedroom and just waited for me.  She plays computer games, too!  I, of course, returned to the room with my tail between my legs, my plot thwarted, and that was that.

That wasn’t that, though.  My Princess restrained my wrists so I was face down spread-eagled on the bed, and then as she whacked my behind with her hard paddle she forcefully told me never to do that again you hear me.  I don’t remember exactly what she said after that because I was yelling in pain from the blows which were more forceful than usual, I guess it was around 8 hard (but not severely hard) blows spaced a couple of seconds apart, with berating to go along with it.

Speaking generally, my Princess seems to particularly enjoy having a reason to funish me, as if that gives her added license and “just desserts” to hurt me even though she knows that she has a lifetime license for that.  I am not talking about legit ways in which I mess up in service such as forgetting a task, because that’s not fun for anyone, I am talking about a tiny mistake which she doesn’t really care much about (if at all) but she enjoys busting my chops.  On this night, her tone and actions were stern and without apparent humor but I nevertheless interpreted that as her having extra fun in hurting me.  Maybe I’m wrong but I doubt it because she didn’t stop at just the initial beratement-beating, her sternness continued for I guess the next half hour during her session of hurting me, and I don’t think she would punish me in that way (because it’s fun).  If I’m wrong and she truly wants me to stop any bit of brattiness, I’m sure she will let me know (especially after reading this), but she has told me previously that it’s all okay.

She also knows that what is said in the heat of a moment (i.e. during S&M or sex) is not something I’m likely to remember.  I don’t know what would happen if she tried to give me legit instructions in between blows or during torture, I can only hope that I would be able to focus.

For the first time in a long time she put large binder clips on my back, the type of clips you get from an office workplace.  On my FetLife profile (ted_subby) there are pictures of my back with those on.  They hurt, in case you were wondering.  A couple of them were clipped to just enough skin to hold for several seconds before sliding off with a snap as their jaws closed on each other, to then be applied with more permanence.  Begging was futile, whining and singing into the pillow were futile.  She laughed when I explained to her that it hurt, I guess I was captain obvious there but it’s difficult for me to be rational and logical when in pain.

Once there were I think 3 or 5 clips in place on my back and lower portion of my butt cheeks, my Princess started whacking me again but with a different implement.

She has a thin small wooden paddle which does not pack much punch and despite the noise of the whack it does not really cause me pain on the first blow (and coming from me, with my low threshold for pain, that’s saying a lot), but whacked repeatedly the pain begins and grows with each blow.  She whacked me a dozen times with that thing, very rapid pace with probably two whacks a second (just a guess, maybe three whacks every two seconds).  Ok, message received, you can make me groan loud in pain into the pillow even with that light paddle.  I don’t think she heard me, though, because I was groaning into the pillow.

Regardless, she didn’t stop at a dozen whacks, she kept whacking me non-stop rapid pace.  Two dozen, three dozen, probably a lot more than that, I lost count but my guess at the time was 60.  How can this go on?  Oh the humanity!  The beating paused for a couple of seconds and then resumed at the same rapid pace, maybe another couple of dozen blows.  It paused again and I said “Please don’t hurt your arm Princess” (see, I’m not such a bad sub, I’m thinking of her well-being!) but she resumed again.  At one point she said it had been 200 and she threatened to make it 500, so that she could hear me pitifully whine loud as I begged, but I think it stopped after 50 more as a guess.

The good news is that during the rapid paddle beating I had no thought of the pain from the binder clips, thank you Princess!  … until she brought back the larger hard paddle and spent a few seconds tapping the binder clips on my behind with the paddle to line up a good area for harder spanking.

I remember asking myself if I was close to safe wording.  The answer, to my own surprise, is no, not at any time.  I’m not a masochist who enjoys the pain itself, and I very rarely get any noticeable kick from endorphins, it’s all pain and no pain-turned-to-pleasure unlike some masochists I know (damn them!).  While safe wording is not something I do much (probably a half dozen times in the past year-and-a-half), I was glad that it wasn’t even on my mind and the one brief moment I asked myself about it my answer was that it was not in the picture.

Anywho, yesterday my Princess had me stand in front of a mirror and view the marks still there from the binder clips 20 hours ago.  This time, she seemed not to have even a tinge of remorse as she seemed to have the few other times I have had marks lasting more than just several minutes.  She seemed proud and glad.  I thought Princesses were supposed to be gentle and demanding, not sadistic?  Oh well.

I write about this sort of thing with the tone of a complaining victim, because that’s my deal so to speak, but in case it isn’t clear:  I absolutely love being victimized by her.

When I first joined FetLife almost 2 years ago I was somewhat surprised to encounter sub guys who do not enjoy being hurt by a sadistic dominant.  In my teens I didn’t even realize anyone besides me enjoyed any of these sorts of things but once in my early 20s I learned of S&M I was glad that I was not alone in the type of desires I have.  I did not look into S&M all that much in my 30s (I am 49 now), even after I had internet access, in trying to learn what others enjoy, and there was no FetLife or any other good source that presented itself to me for that sort of broad information about BDSM.

But then I learned a couple of years ago that while there are a whole lot of people who enjoy BDSM, it’s actually quite different for most everyone.  What, you don’t enjoy the dynamic of a sub being hurt by a sadistic dominant?  What’s the point then?  Fortunately, FetLife and other sites have answers and I saw that there were more dynamics and even activities than I could have even dreamed of (or fantasized about!).  On top of that, I learned that I very much enjoy discussing and reading about those dynamics, pretty much every BDSM dynamic interests me even in the infrequent cases where I would never even fantasize about that dynamic for myself.

I may not be into BDSM-type dynamic or activity XYZ but I love reading about it and discussing it!

So my Princess gets to listen to me talk about all sorts of things which neither of us would have even considered.  To my good fortune, she enjoys talking with me about these topics and finds them almost as interesting as I do.  And no it’s not just because I am rubbing her feet as we talk!

 

Fyi I have been writing Male Submission articles for the Submissive Guide in the past several months.  On my main web page http://www.assdisc.com are links to my half-dozen or so articles.

Oh, also fyi I wrote BDSM-type lyrics to a famous song, here is a link:  https://fetlife.com/users/1261175/posts/1669285.  If I were a Master!

2 thoughts on “Aug 7, 2013 – Crying

    • Thank you bonimiss. I have been meaning to write up an entry about the day I experienced so hopefully I will be able to post that soon.

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