A bit over a week ago I spent literally several minutes on my hands and knees staring just 1 foot away at the leather shoes on the feet of a man in our house. Ok, I’m a tease, I did spend several minutes on my hands and knees staring just 1 foot away at the leather shoes on the feet of a man in our house, but that was because he had accidentally spilled his drink on the floor and I was wiping it up. My mind might have had other thoughts at the moment beyond the spill and I admit that my eyes never left his shoes as I was on my hands and knees, hmmm maybe he spilled on accident and was trying to humiliate me. Some of the drink spilled on his shoes and I had to stop myself from wiping off his shoes, even though I wanted to.
Anywhip, on a separate subject, my Princess surprised me with a public beating.
Several days ago I broke a plastic coat hanger as it snapped while I was hanging up a shirt. It wasn’t my fault! Afterwards, I left the broken hangar on my Princess’ dresser so that she would see it because I do not hide my transgressions … er, the accidents which occur through no fault of mine.
A couple of days later, while a few members of my Princess’ side of the family were in our house visiting, I was sitting in the back room (the one with my PC) minding my own business when my Princess burst into the room, with quite aggressive body language and wielding the broken coat hanger in her hand in a threatening way. Surely she wouldn’t do anything BDSM or D/s related while her family was around. Wrong. She raised her voice at me, berating me for breaking the coat hanger, holding it in the air to emphasize her point, and then she hit me in my bicep with it. It was not just a tap on the arm, it hurt!
I was flummoxed. I figured that maybe she was trying to get in some stealth beating but there was no stealth about it as she was loudly berating me while whacking me over and over in the bicep, as her family was out of site but right in the other room with no intervening door.
I tried to keep quiet, thinking that we should not be open to her vanilla family, but it hurt like heck and I couldn’t help but go ow!! a few times. And more importantly, I tried hard not to move much because I didn’t want that plastic coat hanger hitting me on a bone such as my elbow or in my face. After maybe a dozen painful whacks she stopped and went back out to tell her family that I deserved the beating. “He likes it anyway!”!!!! And her sister said to her father “See, she’s the bossy one!”
WTF?! As I was thinking about the incident later, I figure that her family must have thought that my Princess was hitting the couch and that her loving husband was just acting as if he was being beaten. Their angel would never beat her husband. Ha! (And I am very glad that their angel has a devil inside her which she lets out on my hide!)
On FetLife last night someone posted a thread about how sub guys do not in general play at public play parties. One of the reasons given is that guys do not want to appear weak in front of other guys so there would be a fear of yelling out in pain. I have no idea of any of this, since I’m not in the BDSM community other than on FetLife, but I would think that appearing weak in front of others would be a draw for public play rather than a drawback for me. In my mind at least, I enjoy the dynamic of appearing to be a wimp about BDSM-type pain, that would increase the humiliation. I certainly can’t speak for others but I think it’d be fun. The one time a year ago I went to a BDSM club most all of the subs/bottoms were stoic, and female, so I might disturb the library-like atmosphere there.
Then again, I usually do not mind appearing to be a wimp about pain, even when BDSM is not involved. I admit freely to nurses that I sometimes feel like fainting when I see blood (especially my own) and when I had that tooth pulled without general anesthesia several months ago I had no problem seeming like a big baby in front of everyone there.
That makes me wonder about whether or not I would be able to enjoy BDSM blood play. Each of us, my Princess and I, list this as a limit. I would worry about safety and cleanliness to begin with, because I don’t think it would be safe to just take a random safety pin or whatever lol. Plus I would think that a top performing blood play would need to research to understand safe areas. In other words, if my Princess came at me with the intent to make me bleed, I would probably safe word unless I had some confidence level in the safety.
But even apart from that, it makes me feel light-headed to think carefully about it and when I have blood drawn at a lab or doctor’s office. So what would happen if the safety concerns were met and I was being “forced” (consensual non-consent, my primary BDSM kink) to be cut? I dunno. I guess I might faint, unfortunately.
Oh well, it’s not something I think about much (and my Princess doesn’t want it anyway) and when I see sadists talking on FetLife about hurting someone and making them bleed, I enjoy the dynamic (I enjoy any dynamic of BDSM sadists hurting someone consensually) but I realize that it’s probably not something I would want to experience. It’s another case of fantasy vs desire which is a topic I wrote about in this article:
Fantasizing is one thing but actually desiring to experience it is sometimes different. I desire a whole lot of BDSM things I fantasize about, but there are a few things I do not desire in reality even though I fantasize.
Oh and speaking of which, in my most recent blog entry post at the end I may have given the incorrect impression that I want age play. I was using an age play reference as a joke because I don’t desire or fantasize about age play (well, I don’t fantasize “much” about it, I fantasize about just about everything BDSM related) unless it was “forced” but I’m not sure how forced age play would even work. I could see how forced animal play could work, such as putting someone (consensual non-consent) into pony gear and making the pony obey and I have read some hawt fictional stories about that, but I don’t know how forced age play could work. I’m sure there’s a way, though, for devious minds to think of. Now that I remember it, a few times my Princess has forced a pacifier in my mouth and laughed at me, and that was a long time ago before she was my dominant.
Luckily for me, though, she never did that in front of her family!
I encountered an interesting interview from 1982 of musical artist Kate Bush (at http://gaffa.org/reaching/i82_smi.html) who, by the way, was the inspiration for my Musical Artist fictional story (sorry Ms. Bush) as I had a major-league crush on her when I was in my 20s before I met my Princess. Honestly, I think the way my “heart opened” for her helped me be open later for my Princess, as silly as it may seem to have an open heart for someone from afar like that.
Anywho, the interview on that site began “Kate Bush, you have beautiful toes. Bright and pink, they’re so nice when you curl them up. The sort of toes I want to put…” and then the topic changed completely at that point.
What on earth?! Talk about inappropriate! Or at least it seems that way to me, going beyond just complimenting someone. Then again, my fictional story is not exactly appropriate so I shouldn’t talk. You want to put, what, bells on them? You want to put them in pictures? No? You want to put those toes in your mouth or elsewhere.
Of course, the other thing which struck me is the interviewer being so open about his foot fetish. Except that now he makes having a foot fetish seem stereotypically creepy, as if all of us foot fetish guys are inappropriate like that which is very much untrue. Oh well.
I don’t enjoy being shocked such as things jumping out at me, even as a sub/bottom/victim/whatever. Today I got home from work before my Princess did and I had some sort of sub intuition or something. As I was showering — a nice very warm luxurious shower to wash away the stress of work — I looked at the bathroom several times to see if it moved. I don’t know if I sensed something was up but I can say that it is not paranoia if they really are out to get ya. After all, this shower is where my Princess had peed on me, twice, so I had that disturbing memory on my mind.
Sure enough one time I looked at the door it had moved so I looked over the shower wall. There she was so I said hello and she said with disappointment that she had wanted to surprise me “with this!” and she splashed cold water on me. She’s such a bully. <3