May 16, 2012 – Male chastity … without a device

In blog posts from a week or two ago I discussed my experiences with a new metal male chastity device.  Mixed, although there was definitely some positive which I went into detail about (I still vividly remember the yearning!).  Here is a summary of the current negatives/barriers:

1) Ring would move down the shaft causing eventual discomfort – I think this may have been fixed with my wife’s second belt creation looped inside the ring to hold it close to my waist, this worked for a day and night so it might be good;

2) Some chafing on the tender skin of the underside of my package – not sure what to do about this, maybe a soft very thin cloth could buffer between the ring and the skin;

3) (Biggest issue) With the belt on (#1 above) the cage sticks too far out when I wear my pants so, by my wife’s decision, I can’t go to work with it on (the device, not the pants!) – my wife and I will try to think about this, maybe the belt could loop through the cage portion to pull it closer to my body so that when I put pants and a girdle on the cage won’t stick out (?)

In any case, we are on a hiatus from using the device.  I am open to whatever my wife wants to do whether that is a long term hiatus or trying something new with the device.  It would be tough to just forget about it entirely based upon the strong emotions the device helped promote that one Saturday before the device became physically uncomfortable due to gravity.

What my wife has decided is to try something new which is male chastity without a device.  We are not abstaining and there is a good amount of attention (much more so than if a device were on!) but there is no completion, if you catch my drift.  Seven days is, if I recall correctly, the longest I have ever gone in the past 20+ years and today is the seventh day.  I am not allowed to touch myself there at all (except for incidental like cleaning).

I believe that on a previous blog post I mentioned that my wife decided that we would be doing something for a full upcoming weekend, something which is not typically what I would enjoy (okay, that’s very much putting it mildly lol).  She didn’t ask me, she told me.  Will I become unintentionally grumpy as usual during this sort of thing?  Damn I hope not.  That weekend begins in 2 days and I am told that I will need to wait until then, Friday night.  Or, to be more precise, I will need to wait until at least then.

You can bet your bottom dollar that I will be a good boy.  Or at least try with all my ability.

That would be nine days.  Not much at all for you male chastity veterans who may be reading this and probably scoffing at my whining lol.  “You ain’t seen nothing yet!”, they would probably say.

I don’t know if male chastity without a device is significantly different from it with a device but I’m fine and not whining.  Or not whining much anyway, except when my wife plays those tease games on me! … which I might add she has read recently on a web site someone had to send to her (that’d be me).

Actually, it warms my heart when my wife learns something new from the interwebs because if she learns it from me then who’s in charge?  We talk a lot about BDSM regardless of that strange issue but it’s still a whole lot more fun for both of us for her to learn and decide something on her own.  It’s all good!

3 thoughts on “May 16, 2012 – Male chastity … without a device

  1. My wife has just agreed to a female led marriage. The idea was mine as I am a long time sub. She was not interested in this for years but is willing to give it a try. I wanted a chastity device as I am not allowed to masturbate, she however has said no. She does not like the idea and feels if chastity is what I want I will just have to do it. Can this type of chastity be just as successful? I don\’t want to push things and in turn push her away from a female led marriage.

    • I know this is an old post but it is something many of us face. After 3 years of wearing a chastity cage, we are doing chastity without one. That is how we started. To be honest, I could pull my penis out of all of my chastity devices and masturbate by sticking something inside of the cage through one of the openings. Basically I was on the honor system anyway. Too many skin problems wearing my device and cannot wear a ring that is tight enough for my much smaller testicle but not too tight for the larger one.

      My wife prefers the honor system. Says it shows true obedience to her rather than being forced to not do something. It is very liberating to not be locked 24/7 anymore. I can urinate standing up again and do not have to be careful when I sit down. When it comes down to it, chastity only works if the guy is committed to not masturbating. No device is going to stop someone who wants to cu.

  2. James, thank you for commenting. I enjoy discussions about this.

    I am no expert at all and I am new to chastity myself. Since posting this blog entry in May I have not been allowed to pleasure myself there at all, except for 10 minutes a couple of times at her whim (and after my begging) when she was out of town (though neither time to climax). The only time I get any pleasure there is when she touches me or when we have sex together, which is more often than previously. I am a lightweight when it comes to chastity as my wife typically doesn’t keep me chaste for more than a half-dozen days, although sometimes it is 7-10 days.

    I think that chastity without a device — the honor system, so to speak — can be successful but only if you have the will and desire to make it successful. In my case, if my wife were to simply neglect me for periods of time with no physical affection there, then chastity would not work for me. I suspect that is the case with many men, from what I read. Physical neglect is not part of either my wife’s or my desire.

    So really it depends upon both of your preferences.

    Does your wife have any interest in your chastity? If not, then would you be okay with setting aside your desire for chastity at least for a time? A female led marriage must be rewarding, enjoyable, and/or fulfilling for the female or else it will not continue so I think the importance is in focusing on what the female wants, even if that means setting aside for a time some of the things the male wants. If that becomes too uncomfortable then further discussion would be needed to hopefully adjust and/or compromise. And open communication is helpful all throughout.

    These are just my views from what I have read and my own experiences. My wife tells me that she is enjoying the power she has over me and that I no longer ever say no, plus she enjoys many of the benefits such as massages, lotion I rub onto her feet (that’s a shared fetish for both of us), additional housework I do (which she feels comfortable giving me only because she knows I will not say no), my increased arousal from the chastity she imposes on me, and so on. But every woman is different. Finding what really makes your wife tick is I think the key to retaining the “female led” portion of your marriage.

    If you have any further comments or questions, please feel free to post, or feel free to e-mail me at if you prefer.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *