Feb 26, 2013 — Family

My Princess and I traveled to visit some of my family this past weekend.  It was a much smaller gathering than usual and that allowed us to actually talk rather than just listen to the general din.  I learned that one of my older sisters was Daddy’s little girl.  When talking about those times the pitch of her voice went higher and she had a smile on her face, it was great to see.

It made me think about all of the FetLife couples who have a Daddy / little girl dynamic, not that it’s the same thing but more in the joy felt by the littles.  That’s a dynamic which I had never heard of until joining FetLife a bit over a year ago, and it is one which was difficult for me to understand.  Personally, I enjoy being (consensually) beaten, tortured, and humiliated, and a Daddy / little girl dynamic didn’t fit my understanding at the time.  But as I have seen FetLife posts from women who are in that dynamic it seems like it could be a great one, and even one I could enjoy myself in different circumstances.

What on earth is Ted talking about enjoying very different dynamics?  I sometimes make comments that I feel like a kid in a candy store when it comes to BDSM (which for me includes D/s even though many people seem to separate D/s from the term BDSM).  And other than a few dynamics or activities, I am fascinated by most everything I see on FetLife and not just from a standpoint of it being interesting to discuss, but I think it would be cool to experience.  Not close to being better than the dynamic my Princess and I have, just as a potentially fun adventure.

There are barriers and pitfalls, especially to some of the edgier situations, and also I recognize that fantasies are often very different from the reality of a situation but part of my enjoyment of FetLife and other sites is to allow my fantasies to run free.  One big barrier is that I don’t really fantasize about role-playing such as putting on a costume or pretending to be someone I’m not, I fantasize about reality or about being “forced”.  No I will never be a little girl submitting to a Daddy but I can certainly fantasize.  And before you think I am fixating on that particular fantasy, I have a bazillion of ‘em.

Being a human dog or other human animal is another dynamic which is interesting to me but it’d have to be “forced” or else to me it’d be role-playing.  I see videos sometimes of people in animal masks, mitts, tail, etc. and that looks like it could be fun to be forced into that but not really when it’s role-playing.  Ok, I know when I’m contradicting myself like that (“It’s fun but not really”) I’m running up into another paradox.  Maybe that’ll be an entry for another blog post.  I’m not even sure how it would work in reality to be “forced” to be a human animal.

Writing fiction is a good outlet for my fantasies and I highly recommend it for others, even if you never want anyone to read it.  Embarrassed about some of your fantasies?  That’s okay, too, and pretty natural I think, you can type it up and password-protect it if you share your PC.  Write whatever-the-heck you want, don’t worry at first about internal consistency or even any logic at all.  And from what advice I have read about this, there will likely be plenty of false starts in which you write a sentence or a few paragraphs and immediately don’t like it.  That’s okay, just start over.  What I do is think/fantasize ahead of time, I don’t just sit down and say to myself that I’m going to write.  I’m sure it’s different for everyone, though.

I’ve just posted my latest fictional short story Fraternity Feet Hazing.  I have never had any sort of fantasy like that, no sirree.  Ok that’s a big lie.  What I’ve written in that story is probably the fantasy I have had the most out of all of my bazillion fantasies.  I have fantasized a variation of that sort of thing probably many dozens of times over my lifetime, maybe over a hundred.  I have never set foot in a frat house but I’m certain that if I ever were to I would be looking over my shoulder the entire time, worried about being abducted and relentlessly humiliated.  I remember in college not even considering joining a fraternity (not because of this issue) and thankful for fear of having my fantasy fulfilled, even though it was more than extremely far-fetched.  Of course, back then I was much less comfortable with my own fantasies than I am now.  There are even websites devoted to frat-style humiliation.  Who knew that I wasn’t the only one in the world with that sort of fantasy?  Go figure lol.

At the family get-together I also learned that our Dad used to use the belt on the older kids.  So of course once we got home my Princess told me that she’s going to make up for that nowadays, and of course that night we got home.  Ouch!  Didn’t she learn that hitting is wrong?  Yes and now that it’s not wrong at all I can tell that to her it feels oh so right.

I sense that’s a theme for some BDSM sadists.  All through life they’ve been told not to hurt people until consensual BDSM comes along and wow you mean I can hurt someone as long as they agree to it and it’s safe and sane?  I admit not to have zero amount of sadism within me, so I think I understand that feeling.

I do most of the driving and usually after a meal and a lot of driving during a long trip, such as this past weekend, I get sleepy so my Princess takes over the driving for 15-30 minutes.  I’m considering a fictional story in which I wake up in some sort of bondage and non-consensual situation etc.  I’ll see if I can go anywhere with that to make a coherent story.  Do others fantasize about BDSM like I do, at random times and based upon situations?  I wouldn’t say that I’m obsessed at all, I think about plenty of other things including just to think about non-BDSM activities for fun, but fantasizing about BDSM seems to be more enjoyable in general.

Plus it’s fun to joke around with my Princess about different situations.  I have seen within TV shows characters talking with each other in whispered tones fantasizing about being secret agents or whatever, it’s sort of like that except it’s being secret torturer and victim.

Speaking of which, my Princess is using some denial on me lately.  Male chastity seems so cruel, why can’t I just … just … y’know?  It feels so good inside her I just wanna wanna … damn she pushed me out again.  And one time a few weeks ago I was eating some nice cheezy corn chips when out of the blue for no reason she told me to stop and roll up the bag.  Okay, she wanted my attention on something, that’s cool and I can resume munching the chips afterward, but no she just ended my session with the chips because she could.  But … but … but it’s unfair!  Taking a man’s chips away, that’s almost hitting below the belt!

I shouldn’t talk about below the belt but I can’t help myself.  Last night as I was restrained spread-eagled on my back and my Princess had tied up my junk and ran the rope around both of my big toes – which made me afraid to even jerk my body around – she kept using that damn belt on my balls.  Usually she just whacks a few times but she kept at it.  Despite the restraints, I did jerk my body around and damn the consequences to my junk or my toes.  But my jerking around just made my Princess realize that my legs weren’t restrained tightly enough so she adjusted the bed restraint system and sat on one of my legs as she resumed her horrible treatment.

How can others say that they enjoy being tortured?  What are they, masochists or something?!  Okay, enough bs, I love all of it (even though I don’t enjoy pain for its own sake).  Damn, why do I have to always tell the truth like that?!

Feb 20, 2013 — Home

My Princess returned tonight from being out of town for a week.  Omg she’s bossing me around every minute.  It’s as if she hasn’t had a BDSM slave for a whole week!  I tried to tell her to find a BDSM slave where she was but she insists on going cold turkey without one.

Then when she gets home it’s set that over there, hang that up, rub my feet, spread the toes, get me this, get me that.  How did I get so lucky to have found the Princess of my dreams?  No, really.  I’ve been a slave without a Princess for a week to boss me around, so for me her attitude is like an oasis in the desert.  Great!

Feb 16, 2013 — Writing lines, and two reviews

I must let my Princess smell me after showering.

That must be true because I wrote it over and over and over again as a punishment sitting on the cold hard floor about a week ago and not allowed to put on any clothing even though the air was cold in the house.  So a few afternoons later when I showered I was thinking about this requirement so I wouldn’t blow it again.  And sure enough, I sat at my PC after I put lotion on.  By the way, is every BDSM slave required to put lotion on several areas of their body?  It doesn’t matter what I feel about that, I am required to.

Anywho, the nanosecond I heard my Princess stomp I knew that I had forgotten yet again.  She has always enjoyed smelling my body after a shower, long before she became my Princess a bit over a year ago.

I must let my Princess smell me after showering.

This time it was every line of the page front and back.  I don’t mind writing lines but unlike most every other funishment she’s perpetrated on me this was for a transgression which made me feel not so good regardless of the dynamic.  It’s not an imposition on me or any sort of chore, I enjoy when she smells my body or does anything else to me.  It’s a treat for me but I drop the ball sometimes.

Hopefully I will improve.  And as my Princess points out, I keep saying that.

I recently read the Elise Sutton book Female Domination.  Actually I read half of it and then stopped.  It’s a rather controversial book for at least two reasons.  One is that it goes on and on about female supremacy with opinions and quotes of studies done showing that women are better leaders, better in management positions, more intelligent overall, etc.  I am not offended by this as I would be by male or other types of supremacy tripe because women are still not treated equally and a bit of reverse supremacy is not offensive to me, as long as it isn’t yelled into my face.  These parts of the book were not offensive to me but they were not in the least bit interesting to me because I really don’t give a darn and the subject is too complicated and subjective to prove anyway, in my view.

Another part of the book I completely skipped are the comments in which it states that all or most males or females are a certain way.  All or most males can be manipulated by sexuality and all or most males want a female to dominate them yada yada.  Booooring.  And silly.  If the book were to say that many men are a certain way then that’d be fine but it’s just silly to go to the level of over-generalization this book goes to.

Another questionable part of the book were the testimonials which seemed to fit exactly what the book was trying to say at the moment.  The testimonials seemed too good to be true and so after reading a few of them I started to disbelieve that they were true.  They were entertaining to read and I interpreted them as either fantasy or exaggeration to make the point the book was trying to make at the moment.

So I only read about half of the book then stopped.  But the reason I stopped was that the book was too good.

Too good what?  There’s my usual style of confusing you, right?  It has all these unfun parts, and why on earth would someone stop reading a book because it’s too good??  I admit that’s a first for me.

I was able to compartmentalize as I read the book, completely ignoring the female supremacy and over-generalizations, and enjoyed the book so much that it was like candy.  The Femdom activities and mindsets it described were so much up my alley that it sort of reached into my soul.  And from some of the guys who have contacted me through this blog or through my fiction stories, I believe those subjects within the book would reach them, too.  It all seems so reasonable, too, not just “male fantasy” like Owning and Training a Male Slave seems to be with its extreme harsh and hot treatment of male BDSM slaves.

I devoured several of the chapters of the Elise Sutton book.  Even the chapter on cuckolding was fascinating, though that’s an activity which has never been in any of my fantasies (which is saying a lot since I fantasize about practically everything BDSM!) and would never be anything my Princess and I would go for.  That chapter at least slowed me down a bit, and that’s when I realize that the book was too much like candy to me and I needed to stop.  Cold turkey lol.

The other thing for me to mini-review is a 40-minute internet movie of a day in the life of a Pro Domme with almost 20 years of experience.  Here is the URL for My Day with Tarna:  http://vimeo.com/channels/chriscaliman#/channels/chriscaliman/50471894.  Warning, I basically spoil the entire movie below.

I do not recommend this.  Unlike the very entertaining recent E! Channel documentary “The Real 50 Shades of Gray” in which several real and rational kinksters are interviewed with some demonstrations of their dynamic (a slave woman even showed her bruises!), My Day with Tarna was mostly un-entertaining to me.  The idea of a Pro Domme explaining some of her scenes and thoughts behind the scenes, showing her play areas, and actually showing a scene in some detail was a good idea and the documentary itself is not poorly made at all, although much of it is just the day in the life of an ordinary person which is not interesting for me to watch (that may have been their point, that a Pro Domme’s life is not a thrill a minute, but I don’t need to see or be told that).

The problem for me was the exact BDSM topics discussed.  As I mentioned earlier, I fantasize about just about every BDSM activity there is (except cuckolding) but this movie, to my surprise, happened to hit upon some more activities which are not interesting to me.

Early in the movie she mentioned how some clients enjoy hairdresser scenes or getting their full body shaved in an intimate manner.  Okay, I admit that I’ve never fantasized about that or really even heard of that.  I’ve had my hair washed in a beauty salon with the smell of hairspray and it doesn’t peak my interest at all as a kink.  No big deal, she just mentioned it for a couple of minutes.  Then she mentioned golden, brown, and roman showers the last two of which are way beyond my limits and at first it seemed like these would just receive a passing mention.

I was wrong.  She described each of these (ewww) and then went on to describe some typical scat scenes with “toilet slaves” (quadruple ewwww!!!).  I was eating dinner at the time and had to stop.  I think she talked for 5-7 minutes about that.  Check please!

Anywho, finally her first client for the day arrived.  They negotiated a scene.  That makes sense to me because everyone wants different things, but I couldn’t really see having any fun with a conversation of “What would you like to do today?” “Oh I would like this, this, and that” to be followed by this, this, and that.  I’m into consensual non-consent of torture and humiliation, and I can’t really see having that just after a conversation about what I want.

They showed the guy naked in the shower and since he wasn’t exactly a looker, I had to stop eating again lol.  I was looking forward to seeing a scene, except that it was a beauty salon scene in which she was “forcing” him to let her wash his hair and then trim it.  Hey, I’m no-one to judge other peoples’ kinks.  Not one bit.  If that makes the client feel good then I feel great for him, and he did seem to be enjoying it.  It’s just not interesting at all to me.

It was a bit interesting when she stuffed a ball gag in his mouth and tied it behind his head, then pulled him back by his hair and playfully threatened to shave off all of his hair.  But that lasted about 30 seconds.

Later, the Pro Domme was talking with another Pro Domme about a scene the next day which would last for 9 hours.  WTF!  A 9 hour scene?  Where do I go for that? lol  Oh wait, the scene would involve all 3 of those types of aforementioned showers as much as possible ewwwwww!!!

Moving right along.  She had one more client scheduled for that night and she said that she was really looking forward to it as the scene would be right up her alley.  She said that it would be exciting to her.  Ok, maybe now we’ll get something good like impact, interesting bondage, humiliation, foot worship, anything please let’s have something good I’m begging!

The client canceled on her at the last minute.  He had paid a deposit but chickened out.  The last scenes were of the Pro Domme upset about not having the fun scene she was looking forward to.

So being a Pro Domme is not all cake with frosting.  That’s a given.  Just in my armchair view it seems like it could be a very tough job building a client base and changing roles frequently, and while she can avoid things she really doesn’t want it’s not as though every scene and every client would be fun.  That said, from comments I have read on FetLife, it can be a very rewarding career for some.

So why am I not talking about my Princess’ reaction to any of this?  Because she’s out of town for a week.  So I’m just sitting here alone watching a boring internet movie (hang dog face).  I know she’ll be home soon, though.

Feb 11, 2013 — The little things, and commands

We all know it’s the little things that count, right?  Well, the big things count, too, and that’s what I tend to blog about because it’s tough for me to try to make something small into something interesting.

I could write about the little lovebird things my Princess and I love to do for each other but this is a BDSM blog.  I’ve been thinking of all of the little BDSM-type things my Princess does to me or has me do, and it too makes me feel warm inside.  But neither lovebird-type things nor BDSM-type things (which can be the same thing but aren’t necessarily) are about one of us doing something for the other, it’s about the mutual joy we get in it.  Sappy but true.

Unfortunately, I’m inevitably not going to remember a whole lot of the little things as I write this, but I will try.

Depending upon the weather, we sometimes walk the neighborhood to get exercise and chat with each other, about BDSM (keeping our voices low not to be overheard!) or whatever is in our minds.  Pretty much always when we get home my Princess commands me to … well, first I should define “command.”

Of course I want to be commanded to do whatever she wants me to do, and of course my kink is that the more humiliating and/or painful the better (up to our limits).  So is it a command when she tells me to worship her feet?  Oops, I’m veering off into a topic which isn’t focused on the main topic, but that’s okay by me.

“Command” just means to give an authoritative order.  Looking a bit deeper than that, if a command were given but the recipient simply ignored or disobeyed it without good reason and with no consequence, that to me wouldn’t be much of a command.  What would happen if I refused or even sluffed off one of my Princess’ commands without giving a good reason?  Sluff off??  What is that?  Oh you know what I mean!  Don’t make eye contact and hope the issue goes away on its own.  Except that stopped working with my Princess many years ago lol.

Anywho, what would happen if I did not obey is that she would probably check the back of my neck to be sure I wasn’t taken over by aliens (especially if I were to disobey a foot-related command!) and then she would ask if I was feeling okay.  But apart from the fact that I never willfully disobey my Princess, if I were to disobey a command without good reason I feel that she would worry about the state of our D/s dynamic.  And that to me would be a very unwanted consequence, because I love our D/s dynamic and would go to great lengths to keep it strong as is.

So there is strong consequence if I disobey her commands.  And she gives me commands in a very authoritative way, not yelling or insulting, just a tone knowing that I will obey and not giving me any choice (except the standing order to let her know if there is something going on she may not be aware of).  So yes, when she commands me to worship her feet it is a command.  And of course all of the many other commands during the day are commands.

What I interrupted myself from saying is that after we walk for 15-30 minutes she makes me worship her feet.  Almost the first thing she does once we walk back into the house is jump onto the bed on her back or sometimes on her stomach with her tennis shoes hanging off the bed, and I am required to strip and kneel on the floor to remove her tennis shoes.  I prefer her feet to be bare but she requires me to smell and rub my face against her socked feet, right after our walk.  And she sometimes tells me that she has worn the shoes and socks for several hours, and often goes days between washing her socks (I hope that fact is okay to say here, Princess feel free of course to tell me to edit this out).

That said, the smell of her socks isn’t so bad.  Then I get to … I mean I am commanded to remove her socks and kiss, smell, and lick her bare feet, very warm and somewhat sweaty from the walk.  My face is usually cool from the air of the walk and she enjoys the cool feeling against her feet.

I should point out that my Princess enjoys my worshipping her feet, including the humiliation she puts me through, almost as much as I do.  That is still almost hard for me to believe and I’ve been living it for our entire marriage of over 15 years.  I’ve stopped pinching myself, though, she does plenty of that to me.  She laughs when I am enthusiastic in licking the sweat off her feet, not because it tickles but because she enjoys having a foot slave, in addition to the other types of slave that I am to her.

Ok, this blog was going to be about the little things but the priviledge of worshipping my Princess’ feet is not a little thing at all.

A couple of days ago during our walk my Princess stopped in the middle of the path which at the time was going through a sort of wooded area and told me to get on my knees and kiss her tennis shoes.  Wait, what?  Public humiliation, especially foot worship, is hot but for realsy?  I anxiously looked around and, seeing no-one, and being secluded from any homes, I obeyed.  Geez I hope they don’t catch that on Google maps!  Then yesterday she did it again, or rather I did it again.

Yesterday I was standing next to a wall when she got up off the couch to stand in front of me.  As usual, I could see the sadism in her look and I tried not to make any potentially provoke-the-sadist eye contact but it was too late.  She somewhat pushed the middle of my chest so that I slightly bumped back into the wall, and then she stood right up to me, chest to chest.  It was a very intimidating bully-like situation because I could not get away unless I pushed her which of course would be ridiculous for me to do.  She then tormented my nipples with soft caresses driving me wild and then with pinches and twists which had me whining from the pain.  I wasn’t in bondage at all but I felt like I was in bondage because I wasn’t going to push past her out of the way.

A couple of days ago when we were in the kitchen my Princess told me to bend over the counter while she grabbed a metal spatula out of the drawer, and then she pulled my pants down a bit and whacked my bare behind.  What had I done do deserve this?  I’ll be a good boy!  No reason, she just felt like hitting.  That happens quite a bit.  She must have an issue with hitting.

She gets this bloodlust or something in her eyes where I can tell that I’ll be suffering very very soon.  And it can happen at any time of day or night, except when we’re sleeping.  A few times in the morning when I am awake and should be getting out of bed to get ready for work she will grab an impact implement such as my belt, yank the covers off me, and start wailing away.  What a way to wake up!  Ouch!!!

Yesterday I made a gesture with my hands which she doesn’t like.  You know in basketball when the ball goes out of bounds and the player nearby pulls his hands back with palms pointing forward as if to say that he didn’t touch the ball?  I guess I learned that move as a kid because I do it from time to time on the spur of a moment to indicate that I hadn’t touched something, or I used to do it before my Princess recently told me never to do it again (add it to the list!).  Well, I did it yesterday and my Princess tried a different funishment this time.

She had me stand and stretch my hands out with palms upward.  I knew what was going to happen because I’ve read about it before.  She took a stick and whacked my palms several times.  That hurt!  I tried not to flinch but once or twice I slightly flinched so she sort of lightly grabbed one of my hands with her other hand.  She stopped hitting me so I relaxed, then she quickly brought the stick down again.

But my instincts kicked in and I moved my hands altogether, not just flinched.  That would be bad enough for her to swing and miss like Jose Canseco but it was much worse than that.  The ruler whacked her hand.  My Princess’ hand was whacked!!

Wow was I apologetic.  She was shocked and somewhat irate, saying that I would really pay for that.  However, she was too amused by the situation to actually be irate and I think it was sort of play-irate, she wailed away at my back and behind with the stick but it wasn’t so much that I had to scream or anything.  I didn’t dare laugh and I’m not laughing now (honest!), but it was an interesting incident.

Let’s see, little things, little things.  The last couple of times in which she has restrained me to the bed she has tickled my feet.  I enjoy the dynamic of having my feet tickled but I’m only slightly ticklish and only for several seconds.  We both wish that I were more ticklish and I could see the devilish look in her eyes the times we’ve mentioned it.  Maybe I should be careful what I wish for!

I’m going to stop with the list of little things, only in part because my memory is poor but also because it’s sort of like the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle in which the more you look at it the more you affect it, and I would rather not have an effect.

In any case, they all add up to my feeling more and more degraded, humiliated, tormented, and in a word victimized.  Woohoo!!!!!