Nov 29, 2012 — Slavery, and another visit to Mr. S.

This week I paid a woman (not my Princess) to torture me and make me suck on something every now and then.  I only whined a bit, didn’t safe word, and only teared up from the pain a couple of times.  Yes, you’re right, it was a trip to the dentist for a teeth cleaning with that water pick.  There was no fun involved, or at least not for me!

I took a few days off from my corporate job this week to relax at home.  Instead, it has been a week of significantly increased slavery from my dominant wife Princess.  On Monday she was home with me most of the day and it seemed like every 10-15 minutes she was clapping her hand for me to run and fetch her water, fetch her blanket (which was 5 feet away from her), give her sex, rub her feet, do some semi-legit chore, fill her water, etc.  It doesn’t really seem fair because I want to relax.

Lol ok that last sentence was stupid, I’m loving it.  If I didn’t have to work most days I would be all over 24/7 slavery, and I’m not just saying that because my Princess is keeping me chaste since last Thursday, pushing me out (several times) when she is done with me as she laughs at my distress.  Ok and you can go ahead and get rid of that “if I didn’t have to work” statement.

In addition to having my own enjoyment and fulfillment as her slave, my Princess really seems to enjoy not only the knowledge and fact that I will never say no to her but also that I am making her life easier not just with the tiny fun stuff but also in general, not to mention all of the worship she receives.  She even implemented a couple more rules lately:  whenever she gives me a command the response “Yes” or “Yeah” is not sufficient and I must reply “Yes, Princess”; and a particular blanket needs to be situated in a particular way in my room for her to sit on the couch next to me (I’m bad at remembering about the blanket and have already received a couple of mild funishments with the stick on my behind, I’ll try to do much better going forward).

Sleeping in is one of the benefits of taking a day off work but one morning after my Princess put her feet in my face for a few minutes while we were still in bed (our wonderful routine most days), she ripped the covers off me at 7:00am and told me to get up and make her coffee.  What?  I seriously can’t just lie here and try to get back to sleep?  Of course I didn’t say that out loud, I wasn’t born yesterday!  I made the coffee and went back to bed, but I couldn’t fall back to sleep.

One other morning she waited until 8:00am (I would have probably stayed in bed until 9 or so) before telling me to go drive her car to the gas station to fill the tank with gas and then drive to the store with the list we had prepared yesterday.  Yes, Princess.

And I’m not allowed to nap at all this week, she wants me to be tired at bedtime instead of my somewhat usual semi-insomnia.

What is my reward?  I get the privilege of being her slave.  No really, that is my reward and I love it.

I am my Princess’ slave but I am also a slave to our dynamic.  I read about Domestic Discipline and while that seems cool, I don’t obey because of fear of pain I obey because I do not want our dynamic to suffer.  When my Princess tells me “Clean the bathroom today” I don’t even dream of saying no because a) I am her slave, and b) I truly want to be her slave and if I said no or otherwise willfully disobeyed that could and probably would hurt our dynamic which is about the last thing I want to do.  So I am a slave both to my Princess and to our dynamic, and those are very powerful chains.

She also likes having me as her dolly.  A few nights ago she had seen a few pictures on FetLife and wanted to re-create them so she pulled me into her bathroom and pulled out a small tub of goo.  She took my hand and started pushing it into the goo.  It was some sort of wax, quite warm but not too hot, and the wax encased my hand before hardening, to be peeled off by her not in any painful way.  It supposedly makes the skin smoothe (?).  Hey, whatever floats your boat, Princess.

But that’s not what floated her boat.  She placed the tub on the edge of the bathtub and told me to straddle the tub so my groin was above it.  Really?  You can’t seriously want to … yes she did.  She had me lower myself and then she dunked my junk in the wax.  Owww that’s hot, I’m sensitive there!  Yeah, that got me nothing, except the utter joy of whining, and she kept dunking me several times ouch.

She was giggling the entire time while playing with her dolly.  She knew that before BDSM entered our lives over a year ago I would have complained “No, that’s too yucky, I’m not doing that, waa waaa waaa.”  I can still complain/whine now but “no” means “whatever you want, Princess” which means she does whatever the heck she wants.

She also painted my toenails a deep shade of red, and giggles from time to time lately as she sees me.

Speaking of whining, my friend selkie (whose partial life story is linked at the top of this blog page) told me about an experience she had.  Apparently, if a BDSM slave like us whines enough the waaaambulance comes and takes you away, and you do not get comfort and some recompense for your suffering, you get only more suffering.

(Between you and me, I think this is fiction.  selkie gave me permission to post it.)

“I called the wambulance, which took me to St Barfolomews Hospital for the Further Abuse of Slaves, which allowed visits from Dominants only AND they provide their own canes, whips handcuffs and belts.  All hospital beds are situated in oversized rooms with lots of seating so that the docs and nurses and even other patients can witness supervised visits by Dominants.  It was the pits.  The food was well below standard and served in dirty dog dishes, and the sheets were made out of burlap.  The hospital gowns opened in the front as well as the back, and they were made out of burlap too, and say POTATOES in big black letters.  So instead of calling us patients because we’re human beings, my doctorcalled me ”french fry” cause of my maiden name.

And don’t even get me started on the straight jackets they make you wear, even if your not crazy.  They do twice a day colonoscopies, one in the morning and one at night (and sometimes right after lunch!)  I tried to tell them that colon cancer isn’t in my family history, but they didn’t listen.  They insisted that Master said it did but I think they just like doing that sort of thing to defenceless slaves.  I think that the nurses and docs at St Barfolomews Hospital for the Further Abuse of Slaves don’t really have our good health at heart.  They’re stethoscopes are always kept in freezers and they always apply them to the wrong places to listen for a heart-beat, and instead of wheeling you nicely down the corridors after your stressful colonoscopies, they give you a shove and just let you go, bouncing and crashing into doors, walls and other patients.  And there’s nothing you can do about that because your always strapped down, you know?  Strapped down in all that scratchy burlap!”

I know that my Princess would never subject me to all of that horror but just in case I better go lighter on the whining.  On the other hand, at least the place seems exciting?

It must be tough on an Owner to apply discipline when their slave is such a glutton for pain and humiliation lol.

Last night my Princess and I had our second visit to Mr. S. which is a BDSM and leather store.  She whacked me a couple of times with several different implements sold in the store.  My pants were thick so I didn’t really feel anything on my behind but when she whacked my back or my bare arm it hurt a lot, even though she wouldn’t whack all that hard.  Being a weenie, I couldn’t help but jump away and the attendants in the store must have been laughing at how wimpy I was, though I did manage to avoid whining or yelping out loud.

A bit later as we were walking through the store I felt really silly about having jumped around earlier and I felt bad that we didn’t spend much time in the impact section so I asked my Princess if we could go back and I would be a good boy and stand still.  She said yes and while I did manage to stay still, my Princess couldn’t help but laugh at the silly face I was making as I concentrated on willing myself not to move.

They had a whole lot interesting toys.  I tried to avoid watching the big screen TVs as they were showing a video on sounding (omg get my eyes away from the screen!).

In the store there were some small floggers which I thought were for beginners but the strands whipped across my arm and they turned out to be stings of tiny beads, somewhat hard.  Ouch!  Very stingy on my back, too.  My Princess particularly liked one whippy flexible and thin cane which really hurt on my back.  We have a thin stick at home similar to the cane except the stick we have is not particularly flexible.  She tried a 1 foot long whip on my back and I guess from her perspective it didn’t seem to have much force but it really stung my back like a whip.  My Princess also picked up a small flogger which said it was for CBT but fortunately for me only tried it on my arm.  I think there were other implements but I lost track.

She also tried a smallish single tail on me and if used with some force I could see where that would have me screaming quite easily.  Actually, most of those implements could have me screaming in time.  She picked up a solid thick billy club but only threatened me with that (I think I would have run away if she meant to whack me with that!).

With each implement she only whacked me a handful of times.  I can only imagine if I had to suffer through a session with any of those implements in front of others, like at the store.  Mmmmm, yes I actually can imagine. 😉

Anywho, we moved on to the hoods and while I had never tried one on, they fascinate me.  To have my head encased completely in a hood seems exciting.  My Princess asked if I would like to try one on and being shy at heart my first reaction was no but then maybe and then yes yes yes please.  She asked an attendant for help.

We chose a thin material hood with a hole for the mouth (I was afraid to go all out for my first try) and the attendant had me sit down while he and I put the hood over my face.  Hmm, that is quite constricting!  I could see where one would feel trapped in this.  But then he zipped it up the back, very quickly I might add (!), and I had a rush-zoom of feeling trapped.  That thing was practically squeezing my head!  I could breathe fine through the mouth hole so I didn’t freak out even one iota and I could still mostly hear but I couldn’t see.  My Princess told me later that she was pretending to slap my face but I couldn’t see her.  However, she did then move her hand to actually slap my face a couple of times.  Right in front of the attendant!  I loved the public domination! lol

Ok, time to take that hood off.  Whew it was only on for a minute but it felt great, it was quite tight.  Then the attendant said that was a large and we should try the medium.  WTF?  Are you a sadist or something?  lol probably, which was fine with me.  The medium was tighter and when he quickly zipped it up I had that rush-zoom of feeling victimized plus the lowest edge was choking me a bit.  Cool!!  That’s not supposed to happen, though, so he slightly unzipped it.  It felt great in any case.  The attendant said that I was lucky and I agreed, I am very very lucky to have a Princess who enjoys hurting me.

We didn’t end up buying anything but it gave my Princess an idea for her dolly.

Late in the evening she retrieved something and told me to sit on the floor in front of her as she sat and watched TV.  She then put tiny things in my ears and wrapped my eyes, ears, and head with a tight thin cloth and then wrapped around that with a scarf so that I couldn’t see at all and I could barely hear anything.  I knew that she was re-creating the hood experience with items on hand, rather than spending $90.  Then she put our penis gag firmly in my mouth and wrapped its straps around my head.  Wait, that wasn’t part of the hood!  Oops, too late, I can’t talk!

So then I had to sit there for I guess 20 minutes while she watched TV.  But soon she started whacking my back and arms with that damn stick, ouch ouch, ouch!  I couldn’t even say ouch or “That’s not fair to hit me!”  She stopped hitting me except a few more times without warning to shock me out of my cocoon.  I was only able to breathe through my nose and for the entire time the sound of my own breathing was my only sight or sound.  It was very cool!!

After a few minutes she put her foot up against my nose and I so wanted to kiss her foot but I couldn’t, so I started rubbing her feet instead.  For about 15 minutes I just sat on the floor (cold hard floor) and rubbed her feet while I suffered in silence and without sight.  Lol “suffer,” I know that experienced masochists and subs would probably laugh at what I went through.

Finally she yelled “Get up” so I could hear her, and then with both hands she led me slowly through a few rooms into our bedroom.  She threw me on the bed and then climbed on top, and once she pushed me inside of her she pinned my arms down and took her pleasure of me.  Sheesh that was great, even though she pulled me out before it was my time.  At least this time I didn’t have to hear her laugh at me when she did it.

Afterwards, when she had removed the wrappings around my face and the gag, when we were snuggling I could hear more details in the room, even after just about 20-25 minutes of not being able to hear.  It was a lot of fun.

My Princess asked me if there was anything in the store I might enjoy and I responded honestly that just about everything is all good with me.  I love it.  However, I would not enjoy anything unless she enjoyed it — which is true regardless — and especially in the case of spending money it would just be a matter of whether she would enjoy it and use it.

Nov 20, 2012 – Absence

I am writing the first part of this blog entry in the morning.  I have been sick with a head cold for almost a week and it felt to my Princess and to me that her slave has been mostly absent.  I have been taking care of some chores such as taking out the trash, fetching her water, and washing the dishes but I have not been able to provide any personal services and there certainly hasn’t been any S&M play.  Well, not zero because after a few days my Princess came at me with her thick metal ridged pliers and clamping my skin a couple of times, saying that she is really missing being able to torture me.  She also said that she could not go back to being “vanilla” like this, it just isn’t nearly as fun.

My interpretation = absence of S&M makes her heart grow fonder for it.  My reaction to that = woohoo!!!!

Last night I felt mostly better so my Princess used the pliers a bit, clamping first my nipple and then each of my lips.  Have a slave kneeling on the cold hard floor?  With one hand just clamp pliers to his lower lip and make him groan and cry in pain.  Yes I cried tears, just from a minute of pain, then she clamped the pliers to my upper lip.  That feeling returned of “How can she do this to her loving and already suffering husband?” but her husband is also her suffering slave and torture recipient or whipping boy to use a common phrase.  Then she squeezed the pliers tighter on my upper lip.  How can it be so simple to cause such agony?  That only lasted about 10 seconds and then the torture was over, and I tasted metal on my lips as I wiped my tears putting my head in her lap.

Last night not really what I wanted to write about, though.  What I am feeling now is fear.

My Princess and I agreed that I am well enough to play the next night (tonight).  She also indicated to me that she sees photos on FetLife of others’ very red beaten behinds and posts of those who have a hard time sitting down after a spanking, but she is disappointed that my behind is just somewhat red and not in pain after a spanking.  Never mind that during a beating I feel plenty of pain, yell, beg, thrash around as much as I can, and often even scream at the top of my lungs.  My Princess wants marks and she wants lingering pain.

But I love pain, right?  So she should just hit harder and I should look forward to tonight with bliss, right?  I do love pain she gives me, but I don’t love it.  It hurts.  That’s not just a schoolboy whining about something, it’s legit pain.  And where are the endorphins?  I dunno. I don’t like pain but I love the cruel sadism I feel from her due to the pain she causes me.  I love being her victim and that word is not an exaggeration, I am a victim of her pain.

So I feel fear before a scene or even when she comes at me with an implement like her pliers, a spatula, or even her hands when she gets that look in her eyes.  And with the talk of marks and lingering pain, I am feeling a lot of fear today.  But I don’t have any choices in this so that tends to calm me down.  The work day will end and I will go home, and whatever will happen will happen.  It is out of my hands.  Sort of non-consensual in a way.  And that’s what I love.

My Princess asked me last night why I don’t get marks or feel lingering pain and I told her my opinion is that she could hit me harder and/or faster but I simply wouldn’t be able to take it (in other words, I would probably safe word).  So I suggested that if the scene were much longer, though with some breaks and maybe a bit of rubbing (as we see in online home-made videos the rare times we watch those), that might be the answer.  Although with my head cold still lingering I am not sure if I am ready for that.

My honest prediction is that either my Princess will have some mercy on me due to my lingering cold or else I will safe word, with both of those possibilities ending in no marks or lingering pain.  I hate to even think of safe wording (one of my recent blog posts is about safe words) and it’s distasteful I think to some who might be reading this to even think about it.  I will try not to even think about it, and if I do think about it I will try to sing or bury my face in the bed as much as I can, but after an extended period of time of not being beaten and also being a bit weak from the head cold (plus my dog ate my homework) … well, I’m just hoping for the best.

My bottom line, so to speak, is that my Princess feels that she has been missing S&M and D/s (due to its recent temporary absence) and I am very glad for that.  I have been missing it, too.

Deep breaths.

The rest of this is written in the evening.

Deep breaths, how trite.  It didn’t help.  Did I mention mercy?  lol!!!

When I arrived home from work in the late afternoon my Princess was waiting for me and had me worship her bare feet with kisses while she dangled them from the bed, rather than the required worshipful kisses of her feet while on my belly at the door.  About 4 hours later … oh, no I guess it was 5-10 minutes but I felt like I have spent my whole life at her wonderful feet … my Princess told me to go into the toy bag in the closet and retrieve two binder clips.  She gets these inspirations sometimes, almost always to my detriment.

She attached the binder clips to my nipples.  Actually, not to my nipples because I probably would have fainted from the pain (binder clips are much tighter than clothespins), but to the skin encompassing my nipples so it hurt about as much as clothespins, not very bad pain but not negligible.  Then she had me lick her bare feet while in pain for a few minutes.  There was a combination of humiliation (yes even though I enjoy worshipping her feet it is slightly humiliating to lick them) and pain which is sort of a doubleheader of goodness.

So that was a good scene.  I can breathe more easily now.

Not so fast.  Get on the bed face up.  Face up?  But what about marks on my butt?  I didn’t say that out loud but I wondered if maybe this would be a more sensual scene with less pain.  Ridiculous me.

I don’t think I can remember it all, it was like catching up with all of the pain I had missed out on while I was on the shelf with a cold.  The binder clips were on for about 20 minutes despite my pitiful begging due to how painful they would be when they came off.  When she finally did pull them off I held out hope that maybe enough flesh had been encompassed in them but nope, it hurt like f. hell.  My Princess even laughed at how wide my eyes went due to the pain.  She rubbed my chest to make them hurt even more.  I love you Princess!

During the 15 minutes when I was restrained spread-eagled face up with the clips on, I was cropped a bit on my soles and thighs, whipped not too hard with a small flogger right on my groin (how can whipping the groin even be allowed??!), given a partial hand job (mmmmm), and for about 10 minutes was subjected to the Neon Wand.  Neon Wand face up features one thing mostly:  zap on the dick.  Damn that hurts.  She even held it and just zapped the head of my dick but I was thrashing and struggling so much, not to mention screaming, that she couldn’t do that for long.  It’s about the most painful thing I need to endure as my Princess’ slave.  I even remembered feeling a bit bad that my Princess had to cut short a bit of her fun due to my struggling, not that I could have done anything about that.

Once the clips were removed I was just about spent, but my Princess wasn’t at all done.  There was more zapping of other areas besides my groin, some more impact with the small flogger on my groin, the crop on my sides, thighs, and feet, and a few hard whacks from the hard paddle on my thighs.

My Princess then put one of the binder clips on my upper lip.  The pressure was high but the pain was only moderate.

Then my Princess removed the restraints.  But wait there’s more.  She told me to turn over and that’s when my fear level jumped up, remembering about the comment she had made last night about marks on my butt.  I begged and begged and when my Princess removed the binder clip from my upper lip I begged intelligibly.  A lot of good that did me.

She used the heavy thuddy/stingy flogger on me, just whipping my upper back really hard and feeling that cutting off my abject begging made me cry.  I bawled, not sobbing but making that waaa crying sound with each breath.  My Princess made fun of me calling me a baby for crying but at least she paused the whipping long enough for me to regain a bit of composure.  I even remember thinking at the time that I am a “bawler” and not a “baller” (check the urban dictionary for that last one).

Anyway, next she retrieved the hard paddle and I tried to remember the song I heard on the radio on the drive home but I forgot it so once she started whacking me hard, and after the first whack or two when I was just yelling, I started singing into the pillow.  Are you going to Scarborough Faire?  I would love to be there instead of suffering this torture!

That helped a bit and then my Princess transitioned to using the crop and even more of the Neon Wand before returning to the paddle.

As it turns out, the paddle was used about the same as she had used it previously on me, not extremely severe though it felt severe at the time.  At one point as I struggled my left hand somehow encountered one of the binder clips.  My Princess asked me what that sound was and I knew that I was screwed.  I felt like I was completely busted, even though I did nothing wrong!

She grabbed the two binder clips and teased putting them on my toes.  No!  The other two times she has done that has been about the most pain I have ever felt.  She wasn’t teasing, she clamped one to my middle toes on each foot.  Then she started cropping the sole of my foot but I didn’t feel it that much due to the intense pain in my toes.  On one foot it felt like it was crunching bone … that’s just an excuse, though, the reality was that it was just so much pain after about 35-40 minutes of pain that the safe word came into my mind.  Damn.  I tried to fight it and think of the first half of this blog entry.  What’s the worse that can happen?  It’s “just” pain, right?

I safe worded yellow and she removed the binder clips from my toes.  Oh well, I’m human after all.

Just 10 seconds later she whipped me quite a bit more with the heavy flogger.  No safe word check-in, no green, no nuttin’ honey.  I remember thinking this at the time but I also remember thinking “well done, I am perfectly fine except for the clips on the toes.”  It’s funny the semi-coherent thoughts going through the mind while being tortured, I guess because the flogger is not as painful as some of the other instruments.

Then some more cropping, more paddling, and more flogging, not much of any but just a mix of fun.  She gave me a stated break as she rubbed my thighs and butt a bit, then she retrieved her slightly thick bamboo stick.  I’ve looked up canes and this thing is not “like a cane,” it is a cane.  So she used her cane on me.

I don’t remember the placement of most of the whacks, I was pretty out of it by this time and my body felt quite warm (endorphins?  I don’t know, it wasn’t a pleasure warm, it was just warmth).  I do remember two hard whacks just below my shoulder blades which hurt like hell, and a few cane shots to my soles though not all that hard.

I’m not sure if that was the end because I’m fuzzy about it now but the restraints were removed and after one more whack on each thigh with the hard paddle it was done.

I’m remembering now that I was restrained on my knees on the bed with my wrists connected under my groin to my ankles, but when she tried to paddle my exposed butt that way I couldn’t help but roll around on the bed.  She whacked a few more times as I was lying on my side but I rolled some more.  I can’t even remember when this occurred, before or after I was restrained spread-eagled face down.

I guess it was a total of about 50 minutes of pain.  I just lay there in her aftercare-giving arms and I was still very warm.

As always after my Princess tortures me I felt very submissive (the only word I can describe it) as though I wanted to be her slave more than I always want that.  I dropped to the floor and kissed her feet and when she put the kitty ears and kitty bow-tie on me I gave a few meows as I smiled up at her from my knees.

Now a few hours later I still feel very submissive.  Maybe that’s a topic for another blog post because I can’t really explain the feeling.  I pretty much always feel attentive and jump when she says to jump so I’m not sure I can put my finger on the feeling.  It’s not particularly more sexual than normal, though there may be a bit of that, but it’s just more … submissive.  I’ll have to think about it more before I can put it into better words.

Nov 10, 2012 — Washing the kitchen floor

Yes, doesn’t that title get you all hot and bothered?  I mean, everyone is turned on by that, right?

Never having done that in my life, my dominant wife-Princess told me that after I started the laundry and finished vacuuming the kitchen and her bathroom, I needed to put on my French maid outfit and I would be getting on my hands and knees with a washcloth to wash every square of the kitchen floor.

I know I know, you are thinking like I thought, what on earth??!!!!  She couldn’t be serious, I mean hands and knees?!!

Where is my agent?!  What about the union representative?!!!

My Princess patiently showed me how to do it, so that I would make sure to rub each square carefully, and she even prepared a folded up towel for me to kneel on so I wouldn’t hurt my knees.

This old 49 year old body got down on the floor, yes I know you feel bad for me but what can I do?  I am a slave so I even had to do this.  I washed each square while on my hands and knees, getting up after every few squares to rinse and wring the washcloth.

Ok, I think y’all know I’m joking about my tone of writing.  I had never done this in my life but when Princess says jump I jump with a smile on my face and all of the complaining above is only for fun.  I’m sure that she was worried that this would make me grumpy or something so I repeatedly thanked her for letting me serve her and I meant every word.

And by joking around I mean no disrespect to anyone who does this sort of thing for a living or just as part of standard chores, or sissy maids who enjoy these sorts of activities.  It’s silly to make a big deal out of it, I am just making fun of my own naivete in this post.

It wasn’t so bad.  Yes it was difficult just crawling around and standing up a few dozen times, not to mention having to pay close attention to what I was doing, but my body could handle it.

I had an interesting thought process during it (well, interesting to me I mean).  As a slave I do not have (or want) a choice on what slave work I do.  However, every second there are choices related to how well I want to do the work.  That’s true for most every chore, right?  I mean, I could spend a half hour just making the bed if I wanted to get absolutely everything perfect about it.  I could have spent 5 hours washing the kitchen floor.  But of course extremes are not helpful to anyone (or not usually) so as a slave I choose how good of a job to do.  I always want to do at least what my Princess would want me to do but sometimes I do not fully live up to that.

In any case, I asked myself during the process how well I wanted to wash the kitchen floor.  As a non-consensual slave (that’s my fantasy, not reality, so it’s sort of a role-play I have in my mind sometimes) I would want to do as little as possible a) to save myself trouble and b) so my Princess would not want me to do this again.  Do a poor job and “they” don’t want you to do it again.  But there is another non-consensual factor, c) if I am caught in any way slacking off or missing a spot I’d get punished bigtime.  None of this has anything to do with the price of tea in China but it was a bit of a game I played in my head.  We do not even have a punishment dynamic so thoughts of that are purely role-play.

In reality, though, did I just want to do a minimal job?  I mean, this is my first time and if I miss some spots it’s not the end of the world and I could get back to playing computer games (or start, really, it’s been a busy day!).  But then a new thought occurred to me, if I did a poor job or even if I grunted and groaned (as is my usual wont when doing physical chores) then my Princess might take some pity on me and not have me do this again.

So I did the best job I reasonably could, though not taking more than an hour.

What?  I want to do that again?  I’m not a sissy maid.  Actually, I really enjoy seeing accounts from sissy maids because they just seem so happy doing their Mistress’ bidding in their cute French maid outfits and feather dusters.  However, that’s not me.  Or is it?  After all, I did a good job today and was very pleased when I received a couple of “good boy!” comments from my Princess.

I like to think of myself as no archetype sub such as sissy maid, but a combination of many.  Whenever I see a mindset or activity within BDSM it draws me to it.  Hmmm, I was going to say like a moth to a flame but that would mean I would burn.  So I will just say that I am emotionally drawn to most everything BDSM I see.  That is why my motto is “Whatever my Princess wants,” because I don’t have specific subby needs.  For clarification, I do have a lot of subby needs but they aren’t specific to one or a few archetypes or activities.

What about my Princess’ needs and desires?  I spend a whole lot of time referring to my own needs and desires but that’s very sub-centric when in reality my Princess’ needs and desires are just as if not more important than my own.  I tend to refer to my Princess’ feelings obliquely because it is not fair or my place to say how she feels and I don’t feel very comfortable representing anyone else’s views.

If I say that she very much enjoys what we do then that could seem like I’m delusional.  I certainly hope that I am not delusional and when I see the look on her face as, for example, just now as I was typing this she clapped her hands from the other room so I ran and she told me to fetch her blanket as she was lying on the couch, I just loved the look on her face as I put the blanket over her.  I sincerely thanked her for letting me serve her and she thanked me.  I do not have any reason to believe that I am delusional in thinking that she very much enjoys having me as a slave, and I have no reason to disbelieve her when she tells me that.

That is what makes me enjoy washing the kitchen floors.  Thank you Princess for letting me serve you.

Late afternoon addendum:  a nice afternoon capped off by “Sissy Love”!

Nov 6, 2012 – Flesh wound! and rules

Fyi on the “About me” page linked at the top, I have listed a couple of dozen rules and tasks I am required to complete as my Princess’ slave.

We suffered our first BDSM wound last night.

My Princess seems to enjoy torturing me as soon as I get home from work in the late afternoon.  In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I am given no warning when about to suffer torture.  My Princess will just tell me to get in the bedroom, she will grab me usually by my dick to drag me into the bedroom, and/or she will just torture me briefly right there on the spot whether that is in the kitchen or in any other room.  I read about others who set up a day and time ahead of time but none of that for me.  I live in constant fear.  I guess it’s a good thing that I love it any time!  I love the dynamic of any time at her whim, too, because I enjoy thinking of torture as something I have to just suffer through in order to please my cruel and sadistic Princess, even though we both know that it is mutual enjoyment.  No really officer, I love it I really really do!

Yesterday late afternoon my Princess had me lie near the edge of the bed face up and hold my legs in the air as she whipped my groin with a cat o nine tails.  I need to back up, though, to a few days ago.

From time to time over the past several months my Princess likes to have me stand still as she slaps my dick a bunch of times.  How on earth she thinks that this is okay to do I have no idea, and for her to laugh while tormenting me just doesn’t seem right.  I mean, it’s very disrespectful to say the least!  In other words, it’s appropriate for a slave like me to suffer and I love it as I love everything cruel and sadistic she makes me suffer.  The pain is not huge from dick slapping but it is painful and there is a freak out factor, although in reality from what I read a dick can safely take a whole lot of punishment (please research this before engaging in CBT, don’t take my word for it).  By the way, this is one of the reasons why my Princess does not want me to wear any chastity device.  No armor for her slave!

A few nights ago as she was slapping my dick with her hand, she grabbed my dick so that I couldn’t move away, which is my natural tendency, and then she started slapping my balls.  Excuse me?  She did what?  Tell me that she didn’t just do that.  Yes she did, first time ever.  Not just once or twice, several times.  Slap slap slap slap slap slap slap.  Was I just standing there la-di-da-da no of course not, I was gasping from the emotional shock of it and trying not to freak out in thinking that my days as a man were over.  She was not slapping hard, of course, but it was enough to be somewhat painful.  Got emasculation?

The next day she gave me another round of about a dozen ball slaps and commented about how much she enjoys her new toy.  Fortunately, she is careful not to just give me a drive-by reckless whack because that could hurt her as much as it would hurt me, if you catch my drift.  Or would it?  I’m too squeamish to even research it lol.

Getting back to last night, my Princess decided to use our flimsy and small cat o nine tails to whip my groin.  I think that we purchased this whip 15 years ago when we were experimenting but there is almost no pain because the strands are so thin.  If it is whipped with enough of a crack over and over on the same spot then it does actually hurt.  Also, when used on my balls it can hurt if the blow is on the mark, plus of course there is the freak out factor of being whipped there.

Last night my Princess decided to put clothespins on my nipples before she continued lightly whipping my groin.  Clothespins on the nipples hurt and I need to concentrate to withstand the pain for the first 30 seconds or so before the pain recedes somewhat.  Well, apparently there was not enough pain because then my Princess searched in her toy bags and brought out heavier artillery.  I heard the sound of the metal binder clips and my stress level immediately increased and I begged for her not to use those.  As if begging would work.  Ha!

For the second time in the span of a few days my Princess put a binder clip on a few of my toes, one clip on each foot.  A few days ago she did this towards the end of an impact and strap-on scene and even put one of these horrifying clips on a few of my fingers.  Oh my gosh the pain was terrible.  I don’t know that ever in my life had I felt as much sustained pain as that on my fingers and toes.  My breath was taken away and my yelling and whimpering in pain went completely silent.  I think you could have heard a pin drop as I tried to handle the pain.  That must have been strange for my Princess because when pain increases I am always making noises.  I somehow retained awareness of my inner sadist looking from above and reveling in the suffering of that bitch slave on the bed, and I also quickly resumed breathing.  Fortunately, my Princess removed the clips after maybe a minute of agony.  And for whatever reasons there were no endorphins for me, too bad oh sad.

Last night my Princess put one binder clip on a few toes of each foot, to add to the pain of the clothespins on my nipples, and then she tried to find a spot for a third clip.  I vaguely felt her try to pinch skin on my inner thigh and I just about lost it in fear because I can’t even imagine the agony there, and then she tried my stomach, but fortunately she could not grab nearly enough in either location so she clamped the clip on my lower lip and commented that she wanted me to look like Angelina Jolie.

At that moment I couldn’t care less about Angelina anyone.  There were three points of agony and two more points of pain I was trying to cope with!  My Princess then resumed the light whipping of my groin but I barely noticed.  After I think a couple of minutes the clips were removed from my toes and I breathed in relief as I waited for the clip on my mouth to be removed.  However, the mouth clip was kept on there as my Princess rummaged through the toy bags trying to find something.  She found one of the dildos, lubed it up, put it in a harness, shoved the dildo in my behind, and strapped the harness around my waist.  Then I was told to stand up.

Stand up?!  I am still in a lot of pain and I have two clothespins and a large binder clip dangling from my body!  And what, am I supposed to stand up with a harness holding a dildo up my behind?  Yes.  I didn’t even think of questioning my Princess, not that I could talk well anyway with a clip on my lower lip.  So I gingerly scooted off the bed and stood up, hunched over from the pain.  My Princess removed the binder clip from my lower lip and then told me to go back into my room until dinner.

But the clothespins had already been on my nipples for about 15 minutes.  Do you really want to keep them on me?  I didn’t say this aloud but I am certain that she can see it in my face.  One thing about being married for over 15 years, we can very clearly communicate with each other without having to say a word.  Sometimes my Princess will admonish me for questioning an order of hers, even when I don’t say a word or hesitate.  That’s not fair!  It isn’t impudence when I obey without hesitation!  Oh well, fair is irrelevant.  Call the waaambulance.

Sitting at my PC, plugged in my behind and pinched on my nipples, I typed a couple of messages to FetLife friends before I heard the clap of my Princess’ hands signifying that I was to drop what I was doing and run to her. Dinner was ready, about 15 minutes after I had been sent to my room.

Normally when removing a clothespin which had been there for a while there is a brief jolt of pain but it isn’t severe, and sometimes is zero.  When my Princess suddenly removed the clothespin from my left nipple, though, I felt a sudden flood of agony and felt as though my nipple was literally being ripped off.  It may have been the most pain I have ever felt in my life.  I don’t know what this occurred, maybe my Princess had pulled hard on the clothespin but all I knew was that I was in agony.  My Princess was getting ready to pull off the clothespin from my other nipple and if I had been able to react I probably would have cried in fear but there was no pain whatsoever from that.

So far I have described agony, about the most pain I have ever experienced, and new things being done to me.  Despite that, I haven’t yet described the wound I reference in the title of this post.  Oh and in case it isn’t clear, I loved every moment of what I have described.  And no I am not a pain slut! Lol

As I was washing dishes after dinner – don’t get all excited about this, this is not slave duty, this is being a husband! – my Princess came up from behind me and put thick and tight rubber bands around my biceps.  “But I have chores to finish!” got me nowhere.  She pulled on one of the rubber bands and snapped it against my bicep.  Damn that hurts!  She did that a few times and needless to say the dishes would have to wait until I could cope with the pain.  Pain and chores do not work together, until the pain recedes and the memory of it spurs on the slave further to get the chores done.  Then she put one rubber band around my package and pulled on the rubber band threatening to snap it against my dick.

She wouldn’t do that.  But she did.  Snap.  Fortunately, it wasn’t nearly full strength and the pain was only slight.  She left and I was relieved that I was spared more pain.  Just a few minutes later, though, as I brought her water to where she was checking her e-mail she of course had to have more fun with the rubber bands.

It seems strange to me to be writing about rubber bands, clothespins, and binder clips.  Where are the sophisticated torture devices in the professional stone wall dungeon??

Snap on the left biceps!  Snap on the right biceps!  Damn!!  I was bent at the waist and trying to withstand the pain when my Princess pulled hard on the rubber band around my groin and snapped it hard.  I guess I was distracted by the pain in my biceps because while the dick snap hurt quite a bit, it was not a level up from what I was already feeling.  It was a third equivalent snap in terms of amount of pain.

When I returned to the kitchen, though, I found that on my dick there was a bright purple spot with a red whip-like weal of a couple of inches around the purple spot.  Uh oh.  Have I been unintentionally been given a new chastity device?!  My Princess had followed me into the kitchen (I can only guess her intentions!) and I showed it to her, so she got an ice pack.  The bruise only hurt a bit while the weal hurt moderately when it was touched.  As my Princess held ice against the wound I focused on breathing so that I wouldn’t faint (I’m a wimp if you recall) and I was successful at that, then I began to worry that my Princess would feel very bad for wounding me.  I assured her that I was okay and she took it well.

Later, I re-assured her that I was fine and the marks were somewhat fading (especially the purple spot) and I asked if she was okay.  She said that as long as I am okay, she is okay, and I could tell that she wasn’t just putting up a brave front.  This was a big weight off my shoulders because the last thing I would want is for her to feel bad.  She then looked at the slight ridge from the bruise and said “I just made you into a French tickler!”  What on earth?!  Making fun of my suffering!  We laughed together.

I am typing this the next day and the wound is still there but it has mostly faded.  And to our relief, the functioning early this morning was not in any way affected (even though as usual I was not allowed to climax).  To quote Monty Python, it was only a flesh wound.  I also still have slight marks on my biceps even from just a few rubber band snaps.  I hope that none of my co-workers notice.  Maybe I should have worn long sleeves today!