Sep 27, 2012 — Slave training and a Pro Domme

This blog post covers three topics.

The first topic I want to mention is that I have posted on my main site the beginning of the life story of female slave Selkie (or you may click on Selkie at the top of this blog page).  Yes I know, my male submission web site now has two articles about female slaves but Selkie’s story is so wonderful not only with the strong love she and her male Owner have, but also with the amazing way her Owner treats her. Omg, it’s fantastic!  And Selkie’s attitude displayed in her writings is great.  I believe that theirs could be a model for other Owner/property relationships, albeit a rather extreme one in terms of the amount of control or authority, even for BDSM.  Please take a look at her story.  It is a lot of fun to read.

The second topic is:  I have visions of a male slave standing on tiptoes with wrists shackled to the ceiling and ankles in a spreader bar.  His Mistress has been whipping him literally from just below his neck in every spot down to his ankles for over an hour, “striping” him.  I didn’t make up this image, it is in the book I just read “Owning and Training a Male Slave, A Guide For Dominant Women” by Ingrid Bellemare.  Well, okay I probably have made up this image in my head a dozen (or a hundred) times over the past dozens of years but it is also in the book.  Is it getting warm in here?

“Owning and Training a Male Slave” is a how-to for women who want a non-consensual male slave.  Yes, non-consensual, sort of.

It is a book for experienced dominant women and it is advised for men to never read this book (I glossed over that part).  The first few chapters deal with whether or not the woman actually wants what the book calls a real slave who does not have any choice but to obey, or just a play partner or make-believe (the book’s terms, not mine!).  Do you want to care about the well-being of your slave?  Then this book is not for you.  Do you want your slave to serve you to the upmost of his ability despite (or because of) his suffering?  Then we’re on the right track.

It is a somewhat short book (though maybe I am just comparing it to the very long book Sexual Power For Women which I commented about in a recent blog post) and I don’t want to spill all of its core techniques but basically it starts when a woman finds a submissive man.  The book does not advocate trying this out on a man who is not already submissive and by submissive the author means that he genuinely wants to please his Mistress, not only live out a fantasy of activities, and he is not a do me sub.  Middle-aged men are the target for these techniques.  Dominant women who have a submissive husband may also use these techniques but it is more difficult because the wife would need to unlearn all of the love-based practices and instead of thinking of him as a husband she must think of him as a slave.  If a man is not treated fully as a slave at all times, how can you expect him to obey you whenever you command?

Did I indicate non-consensual?  I will not detail the part of the book about how a consensual sub is turned into a non-consensual but I will say that it involves blackmail.  This is by far the dodgiest part of the book, especially for an existing marriage where love is involved, but let’s go with it because the rest of the book is hot.  The non-consensual part is very important because the point of this whole thing is that the slave is not meant to enjoy it and whenever finding something the slave enjoys the Mistress is supposed to avoid it completely.  If the slavery was fully consensual then he would surely leave the relationship.

So now that you have a non-consensual slave you may treat him as horribly as you want.  In fact, you must treat him horribly in specific ways outlined in the book or he will not understand his role and not provide complete slavery.  The poor slave will become confused unless you treat him as the non-consensual slave he is.  You must not be concerned whatsoever with limits although you must make sure not to damage your slave just as you would not damage any valuable property.  The idea is that the slave is taken way beyond what he would normally consent to but he has no choice and so he suffers for his Mistress.  Mistress Scarlet’s blog which I referenced in a recent blog post from a few weeks ago seems to fit this philosophy and she even seems to quote from this book.

In the book there are sections on strict chastity including a requirement for the slave to be pierced to provide full security to the chastity device (because his pleasure is completely and 100% irrelevant and should be denied), branding the slave (ouch!!!), methods and philosophies of punishment including some rather explicit and exciting details, and specific services you may have your slave perform such as frequent oral sex, massages, and foot worship.  Electro-torture is a good method to train obedience.

Here is something very well done about this book.  A Mistress might read about these techniques and think to herself how difficult life would be having to train and punish a slave.  My wife sometimes comments about how tough it would be to be a fulltime micromanaging owner.  But the author takes great care to convince the reader that while the initial training periods are a lot of work, it is well worth it because as long as training was severe and comprehensive enough (and she gives several specific examples), the slave does all of the work while the Mistress may sit back and enjoy.  And if punishment is required, the slave may be conditioned to set up his own punishment with minimal effort by the Mistress.  The author keeps stressing this point of minimal effort by the Mistress and I think she does a good job of it.  After all, what good is a slave if it means more work for the Mistress?  Obviously.  She gives specific examples of ways in which a slave should do tasks automatically.

She almost makes me want to be a dominant Mistress in her regime! lol

Also, since lifestyle dominant women are of course sadists in her view, there is a nice detailed chapter on torture, including the “striping” I mentioned earlier in this blog post with and also very detailed descriptions of predicament bondage which requires very minimal effort by the Mistress – just set it and, while reading or otherwise relaxing, watch the slave in slow building agony, what fun!  Torture is not a requirement because it is up to the Mistress what she wants, but without torture what is the point.  That last comment is my own point of view but I am not the intended target of the book.

Or am I?  Isn’t this just male fantasy material?  I don’t know.  Certainly yes to some degree and maybe I am just gullible but I believe the author is sincere in her quest for females to rule gullible submissive males in this extreme way.  She claims to have a group of over a dozen local female friends who live this lifestyle and to be in contact with many others throughout the world.  Maybe I believe it because I want to believe it.

So wait, Ted are you saying you want this lifestyle as a slave?  Ok Babwa Wawa, stop asking the tough questions!  It’s not actually tough, there is no way I could live like that.  4 hours of chores every day while Mistress is working, being in chains literally 24/7, crawling with nose brushing the ground all of the time, never receiving any pleasure of any kind, being forced to live as a footrest or other furniture when not being used, and being whipped everywhere for over an hour … well, okay that last one sounds great lol, and I like the chains, and of course I like the footrest part, and the non-consensual part, well maybe not that.  In my mind I could take all of that but not in my body.

Also, this would be a life without love, and the love of my wife is something I wouldn’t trade for anything (literally).  Even regardless of that, alas the lifestyle seems too extreme even for me.

Still, I admit that it did keep me awake last night lol.  What I most enjoyed about the book was the naked sadism of the author and the glee with which she writes about these awful/wonderful things.

The third topic is that a male friend I met on FetLife has sent me his writings from a few of his visits to a Pro Domme and I have posted these on my main web site.  It is my understanding that he had never experienced any BDSM before recently when he visited a Pro Domme.  I enjoy reading his rather detailed comments and emotional responses.  Also, for those of us who have never been to a Pro Domme, it is informative on what goes on there, or at least what went on in his sessions.

Sep 26, 2012 — Munch and a beating

Last night I went to my second ever munch ( is an entry about my first munch last month) and was subjected to a beating in which I was yelling at the top of my lungs and begging for mercy.  Fortunately, these two incidents did not occur at the same place.

When I got home from the munch my wife punished me for going to the munch and she berated me for it.  Okay, I’m stretching the truth more than a fist in a tight ass.  My wife encouraged me to go and afterward she told me that she is very glad I went, seeing how energized I was after it.  Also, my wife and I are so firm in our monogamy that she knows I would never remotely flirt with anyone but her, I know that she knows this, and she knows that I know that she knows that.  So she can feel very comfortable in funishing me for flirting or hooking up with others because it’s 100% role-playing.  We don’t role-play usually but sometimes she likes to find things to funish me for and anything which makes her skirt fly up is okay in my book.  And in my case it isn’t role-playing at all to deny that I was flirting while she is funishing me.

Anywho, I got ahead of myself.

The munch was fun again.  A M/f couple sat next to me and I introduced myself to the woman sitting next to me.  We talked about her experiences at the Folsom Street Fair this past weekend (I did not go but maybe next year) and a few other BDSM-related topics.  I introduced myself to a few others nearby and we talked.  There was someone new to BDSM and we talked about different things such as how it feels to be zapped by a violet wand or her interest in knives.

A dominant man indicated to me that I should get a knapsack and put it over my wife to bring her to the munch but I pointed out that I am her sub and she is my dominant so that wouldn’t work out.  That led to a brief discussion about abduction play (which seems very exciting to me, but then again so do most BDSM activities).

Side note:  if anyone from the munch is reading this it must be very strange to read someone else’s blog about discussions you had, sorry about that.

There was talk about a different munch which had a different format with demos and/or group discussions and that seemed interesting to me.  The leader of that munch walked over to our area to introduce himself to two of us and we talked about how munches differ etc.  That was very nice of him to introduce himself like that because it is difficult to meet others in the room beyond the few nearby and I don’t feel comfortable walking across a room to sit next to someone and introduce myself.

I was sitting in a chair at a table and about two feet behind me was a wall.  At one point I was talking to a couple next to me who had been going to this munch for 15 years — that is great, I wonder what my life will be like in 15 years? — when to my left someone appeared.  I looked and it was <BDSM celebrity name omitted>!  Yes, that <BDSM celebrity name omitted>!  Same as last month.  He was catching up with the person next to me, how are you doing etc.  At a slight break in the discussion I reached out my hand and introduced myself.  He is a very good public speaker, of course, and entertaining to talk with, though the talk was mostly about a non-BDSM-related issue.  I guess about 15 minutes later he was leaving so he reached out his hand to shake hands goodbye.

It was a fun munch.

When I got home I was told to be on the floor rubbing my wife’s feet as I told her about it.  Oh I know, I make it seem so dire “I was told to be …” but the words are the truth even though the negative tone is ridiculous.  I love being required to do most anything by my wife and also I love being at her feet and I love providing service to her and I love the enjoyment she gets and etc..

Once I mentioned to my wife having discussed at the munch the violet wand that sparked something in my wife, so to speak.  She waited until I was done talking about the munch and then told me to lie on my back on the floor.  She then retrieved our neon wand (similar to a violet wand) and sat on the edge of our bed, using her left foot to hold down my thigh and her right foot to hold down my chest.  A bit later she moved her right foot up to my mouth to press down on my face.  She held me down in this way as she zapped me with the neon wand.  A whole lot.

Face up seems to be her favorite for the neon wand because it means two things:  nipples and especially groin.  She was particularly wicked and she had to remind me several times not to move my hands from the back of my head.  I don’t know how she can handle hearing me scream so much.  Oh yeah, her foot was over my mouth for most of the time.  And oh yeah, and she’s a sadist!

As always when she uses the wand, she laughs when I react.  I almost always react, because I’m a wimp when it comes to pain, so she was laughing a whole lot.  She kept focusing on my head (not the head at the top of my body) and geez does that hurt, not to mention also freaks me out.  Who on earth makes these torture devices?

It was a longer zapping session than usual and time being tortured really puts me in the victim mentality, even more than intensity does.

Tangent time.  I wonder how it is for others?  Would you prefer a longer but not super intense session or a shorter but super intense session?  I’d take longer anytime as long as the pain is not too severe but also without too long of a break (a long pause sometimes breaks the victimization feeling, though short breaks do not).

While she was torturing me she was telling me how much of a slut I was for going to munches and how she is going to make me pay for flirting with others (she was just funnin’ me with this).  At a quiet moment between zaps I commented that if she were so-and-so, the name of a M/f Owner/property couple we met on FetLife, she would be peeing on me to re-mark her property and we laughed about that because they are a fun couple to message with (you two know who you are!).  Then my wife resumed the torture.

So that was it, she got her sadism out of her system.  Wrong.  She had me lie on the bed face down parallel to the edge and she used one of her impact toys on me.  Honestly, for some reason I can’t remember which one, it wasn’t the paddle, crop, or my belt.  After a few minutes she said “What is that?”  I said “What?” and she pointed to the small wet spot on the bed under the middle of my body.  I didn’t know but I figured it wasn’t rocket surgery so I said “Pre-cum” and she said “Lick it.”

This was a first for me but I knew not to hesitate.  As an aside, I am learning not to hesitate even one bit with her more humiliating or cruel commands.  I am a very analytical person.  Whenever most anything happens I think.  I am learning to react first with obedience to her commands and then think later, meaning that just a fraction of a second after I am in the process of obeying her my mind starts to think and by that time it’s just behind the scenes with no hesitation of obedience.

So I licked the wet spot.  All I tasted was the bed sheet but my wife laughed at me nonetheless.  (I think she would be surprised to know that I would be fine with whatever she wanted to do with this, including the re-marking I mentioned earlier or nothing else at all if she preferred, but let’s just keep that between you and me ok?)

Next, my wife had me stand with my palms leaning against the wall as she cracked her beginner’s bullwhip against me.  I think it had been over a month since I felt that.  It isn’t nearly as painful at first as the other impact implements but the pain builds when the same spots are hit, and eventually I am yelling in pain as usual.  She likes me to shake my behind anticipating blows and that makes her laugh so I do that, plus her laughing usually gives me a bit of a reprieve from time to time (don’t tell her I said that lol; ah heck, she reads this blog, I’m not fooling anyone).

My wife and I recently went to a BDSM store and one of the implements she tried out on me was a hard loop sort of like a ping-pong paddle but with only the loop and not the interior of the paddle.  It hurt!  I mentioned that to a couple of FetLife friends and one of them told me that she hates the loop.  Now in general I might say that I hate a particular implement but I am just role-playing because I love everything so I made a comment to my friend that oh sure you say you hate it but you really love it.  Her response was a sort of dare to get the loop and then see how much I love it.  Being new to BDSM, reading that from someone very experienced and actually masochistic was somewhat scary.  “See how much you love it.”

My wife doubled up the bullwhip into a loop and then whacked my behind with it.  It was a very different thing from the hard loop I mentioned (which was just a side tangent as to why my wife was doubling up the bullwhip) but it hurt like heck.  She kept hitting the same spot and geez did it hurt, ten times more intense than the bullwhip itself which tapers towards the end.  Using the thicker looped end, my wife hit me enough times for me not to be able to take it any more.

But I have two levels of that and I didn’t even think about safe wording.  I can’t just stand there unbound and take a tough beating like that.  Maybe it’s my lack of experience or maybe it’s my wimpiness, but I just can’t.  So when the pain gets too intense whether on the bed or standing, I move out of harm’s way.  I understand that can be dangerous if my wife isn’t ready for that but I just can’t stand there.  I apologize your honor, I just can’t do it.

My wife told me to get back in place so I did, and then she continued to whack the same spots over and over, despite my screaming (or more likely because of my screaming!).  I moved out of harm’s way again, I just couldn’t stand there.

Where is the bondage?  Help me!  Or at least where are the damn endorphins?!

After my second move-out-of-harm’s-way my wife had me lie on the bed face down again and she retrieved the crop.  I was already feeling very victimized from the action already and in turning my head I could see in her face and body language that she meant business.  Oh shit.

She f’ed me up with that crop, all over my butt, thighs, calves, and back.  It’s such a simple toy, it shouldn’t cause much pain.  Whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack whack with only a bit of occasional pausing.  Can’t she hear my screaming?  Doesn’t she understand that her loving husband is in agony?  I love having these sort of thoughts in my head during torture, it means that I am really feeling the victimization (maybe I should write a separate post about that feeling?).  I never ask for torture, it’s always at her whim.  And her whim was to have me scream.  (I loved every moment of it, just in case that wasn’t clear.)

Finally she was done.  I remember being aware that at one point due to the pain I could not really control saliva coming from my mouth.  It’s strange to be aware of something you can’t control like that.

But she wasn’t done.  She grabbed my belt and without hesitation strapped my back, butt, and thighs not for a long time but it was a whole bunch of strokes.

Finally she was done.  For real this time.  She lay next to me and hugged me, though she couldn’t resist somewhat sinking her nails into my skin causing me to whine some more.

Later my wife mentioned to me that I had almost safe worded and I said in surprise “Really?  When?”  She had interpreted my moving out of harm’s way as a sort of safe word and that makes sense.  Probably for most subs/bottoms/pain-sluts that is the case but I just couldn’t stand there any more.  I told her that I was not close to safe wording, though maybe I was and it had just not crossed my mind at the moment.

I actually did think about safe wording but it was when I was having that thought about not being able to control my own saliva.  I was remembering at that moment a recent discussion I had with a FetLife friend about safe wording.  I made a conscious decision not to safe word and I hadn’t really seriously considered it but my wife was right in that it did cross my mind.

So why am I in so much agony but able to think about things and then end up without marks which last more than 15-30 minutes?  Answer = either it’s just the way I am (I have heard from an actual masochist who never marks, I don’t care either way about marks) or it’s because I’m a wimp.  Either way, I am perfectly fine with it.

In any case, the moral of the story is that I need to go to munches as often as I can. 😉

Sep 19, 2012 — It hurts

There seems to be a common theme with S&M play.  It hurts!

Ok it’s silly but I do have a point.  When I was in my late teens and 20s (in the 1980s) I fantasized a lot about being victimized, tortured, humiliated, etc., the fun stuff.  Actually, the fantasizing hasn’t stopped, still most every night as I lay down to sleep after snuggling etc. and it is time to fall asleep, I fantasize.  And at other times when I am not otherwise occupied doing something, such as when I am waiting for something.  It isn’t constant or always occurring, it’s just there in my thoughts from time to time most days.

In my early 30s I joined this newfangled thing called the internet and I found S&M chatrooms (I don’t think the term BDSM existed in the mid-90s?) and woohoo I could really fantasize together with real honest to goodness women or at least they said they were women, it didn’t really matter to me lol.  I would meet mostly a different woman almost every night and improvise role play “I kneel at your feet” “I grab your head and slap your face” etc.  Of course it went more in-depth than that and a scene would often last an hour or more, in addition to non-scene chat before and after.  I made a few women friends that way which was very surprising for shy and introverted me.

Then I met my wife online and I knew she was the one for me.  Maybe I will detail that story sometime (it’s a mostly non-BDSM story which is why I don’t post it here).  In any case I stopped going into those chatrooms and would role-play only with my wife, in addition to just chat (and then talk on the phone) about life in general.

Once we met in person, we experimented with some S&M play including the purchase of some simple leather cuffs and a tiny cat-o-nine-tails (which she still uses sometime today among our other toys, over 15 years later).

However, while the S&M play was somewhat enjoyable and we both liked the play aspect, it wasn’t all that great and over time we let it sort of fade away.  Not into nothingness as it would resurface for a bit from time to time, especially the “devil in her” of just grabbing a spatula from time to time and having at me, but it wasn’t important to us either way.

I hadn’t given it much thought because the past is the past but I recently realized (or remembered) what happened.  The problem was that S&M play hurts.

It hurts!  So while my mind had fantasies of being tortured for hours/days/weeks, my body told my brain hey this hurts and while I can put up with some of it (and we never went beyond what I could take), the pain diminished the enjoyment.  But isn’t the pain the point?  Do you want pain or not?!

Well, my body didn’t want pain so we let the S&M play slide and didn’t pursue it much.

So what has changed?  Does pain no longer hurt?  (Why am I feeling schizophrenic asking myself these questions? lol)

The pain does still hurt.  And I still “do not like it.”  However, and this is one of my biggest ever howevers, I love the pain in the context in which it is now given by my wife.  The pain isn’t given just as some light play in a fully consensual-in-the-moment scene, it is given as victimization and almost non-consensual torture (i.e. consensual non-consent).  It isn’t “Would you like to be spanked?” “Oh yes sweetie, that would be grand!”  It is “Stand up” <grabs me by the you-know-what and drags me into the bedroom> “Lie down” “Give me your arm” etc.

Unlike many years ago, my wife no longer relies on any mutual communication and my wife stops only when she wants to stop.  She initiates every single time (that is the way she wants it in part because she doesn’t want to be pressured into playing and also I prefer her to initiate) and it is never a question of whether or not I want it because she knows that I always do.  So it feels rather non-consensual and when I sincerely with all of my heart beg for mercy as the pain is being applied, she decides at her whim what to do.

In other words, she has all of the authority (unless I use the safe word, which I don’t unless it’s really needed).

That is what I need in order to enjoy S&M, my wife to have a huge amount of authority.  Without it, I wouldn’t feel victimized and wouldn’t enjoy it much if at all.

So the pain still hurts and even much more than 15 years ago because my wife is much more expert at torturing me, plus we have a lot more toys now.  But I enjoy it to the bazillionth degree because my wife has authority over me before, during, and after.

A couple of hours ago as I was restrained spread-eagled face down my and wife was whacking me with one of the several impact implements she used on me, she asked me who enjoys pain?  This was after about 30 minutes of torture.  She had made me say a few things earlier in the scene with the point that I should only answer the truth.  I had been begging for mercy because at the moment I truly wanted the pain to stop but I was compelled to answer her honestly and despite the pain I said “I do.”

I do.  I love it.

Sep 12, 2012 – Pain is calming

Late yesterday afternoon my wife restrained me to the bed spread-eagled face down and cropped, whacked, and zapped me for a while.  No, this is not a blog about people who complain about their spouses lol.

Strangely, in the evening my body felt a noticeable calm.  It wasn’t just that I felt as though I had gone through an enjoyable experience (which is always true after a session), my body physically felt more relaxed as if there was something different about the air itself.  There wasn’t anything particularly different about the scene compared to other scenes.

I believe that the only difference is that due to my wife being out of town for more than 2 weeks, I had been through “S&M Chastity” or denial altogether actually.  Emotionally I was fine because I knew that my abstinence (and not only from S&M fyi) was for a good cause in that my wife needed to be out of town.  Physically I was fine.

I am guessing that others go through something like this as I have read on FetLife about therapeutic effects of pain but it was a first time for me to feel physically relaxed like that.  Tired yes, a bit euphoric yes, increased sense of submission yes, but not physically relaxed like that.  I have never been drunk or high, other than on endorphins as I have commented about a couple of times on this blog, but it felt quite mellowing almost like I would suppose a drug would feel except that my mind did not appear to be affected at all.  It seemed purely a physical issue.

The night my wife returned home from being out of town she had me lie on the bed as she started paddling me.  But without restraints I am a wimp and can’t remain still.  I guess I shouldn’t say “can’t” but I rolled around to get out of the way despite not wanting it to stop at all.  Maybe I should work on that lol.

Then later that night, after my 16 day chastity was ended (thankfully!), my wife had me get on the floor and worship her feet as she dangled them off the bed.  After all, she had gone over 2 weeks without anyone to worship her or serve (or service) her in any way.  Except that it was just minutes after my chastity ended (!).  I hadn’t really thought of it before but never in our marriage had I worshipped her feet immediately after sex.  So of course there was no physical arousal and it felt strange because emotionally I was very aroused.  It was enjoyable but it felt unusual not to be physically aroused at all.

My wife’s reaction was one of clear enjoyment, though.  I don’t blog much about my fetish for my wife’s feet but she has long since convinced me just through her natural reactions (not to mention our discussions) that she loves having me at her feet and now that I am her sub she has me there a whole lot, which is great.  And after over 2 weeks of no foot worship, she was very primed for the attention.

The rest of this blog entry is a book review.

I am reading Sexual Power For Women by Georgeann Cross.  Not knowing what it is really about other than something BDSM-related, I figured I’d begin it and see how it goes.  It is very interesting but not anything I would have ever expected.  The author indicates early on that she turns all of her lovers into her “love slaves” so that peaked my interest.  She is serially monogamous but I guess due to life circumstances has had many occasions to turn a man into her love slave.

She does this by choosing a guy who is somewhat shy and not overly aggressive and then dates in standard ways over the course of weeks, with vanilla sexual activity usually including intercourse.  Then after she feels comfortable she will set upon turning him into her love slave.

When I read the term slave I think of a lot of different possibilities, but her meaning is not one I would have dreamed up even in my fantasy-generating mind.  She likes to tie her man face up spread-eagled to the bed, playfully make him embarrassed about his arousal and/or how she is the one in control (without ever being menacing) so that he has some embarrassment about the situation but can’t really stop himself due to being tied up and enjoying it anyway, and then she gives him a very enjoyable hand job.

Okay, so she is into tease and denial, right?  No, she never denies.  The hand job goes to completion.  So where’s the BDSM?  Is it just that she likes to tie people up?  Many otherwise vanilla people do that.

She doesn’t just complete the hand job, she maximizes the amount of embarrassment the guy feels through teasing, especially at strategic moments.  In her experience and the experience of her friends to whom she has taught her techniques, the man is embarrassed about his inability to resist succumbing to the hand job, embarrassed about how she makes playful comments about how little control he has, embarrassed about how the stuff just goes everywhere, and here is the big one … the man is turned on greatly by all of this embarrassment.  And the man’s embarrassment increases due to being turned on by his embarrassment.

The author calls this phenomenon “The Loop” as the embarrassment increases his desire and his desire and lack of control increases his embarrassment.

Due to The Loop the guy agrees to be her love slave.  She truthfully tells him that she would not want to continue the relationship unless he agrees to be her love slave.  Manipulation?  Yep.  Okay to do that sort of thing?  In her eyes yes, it’s up to the reader to decide.

So now that the guy has promised to be her love slave, she ties him up and whips him, right?  She makes him do all of the house chores, makes him give her all of his money, and makes him satisfy her sexually whenever she wants, right?

Only the last one of those is right.  She gets as much pleasure as she wants.  However, she makes sure that the guy gets a huge amount of pleasure also (usually while tied to the bed face up spread-eagled) and is not mean or stereotypically dominant at all.  She does not enjoy or do any of that other stuff.  In her approach the man’s pleasure is extremely important because she wants a fully willing slave, not one who only agrees to it without meaning it.  I have only completed half of the book but so far she has not mentioned trying to find an actually BDSM submissive guy, maybe she doesn’t want that because she doesn’t enjoy whipping or any of those other BDSM activities other than playing with a guy’s embarrassment and anatomy.

It may seem as though I have spoiled the book so you wouldn’t want to read it but actually it is a very detailed book in which the author not only goes into detail about meeting some of the men she has loved and applying The Loop (very graphic anatomical detail!), but also the book gives specific advice in detail.  It’s sort of a how-to for making a man a love slave, using her definition of the term.  Also, I have just summarized these issues and have not really gone into the sort of detail needed to fill in the gaps.  Maybe it seems very implausible because I haven’t covered particular aspects of it.

I don’t expect to learn anything from it because, after all, I’m a sub and won’t be applying these techniques ever but it is a very interesting book and I am enjoying reading it.

Sep 6, 2012 — Sleeping on the floor

With my wife out of town (just a couple more days yay!! … I better clean the pizza off the ceiling! lol) I haven’t been able to blog about any experiences but I am remembering one which happened a couple of months ago and which I did not blog about.  In a way it was too painful at the time to blog about in detail.

A few months ago my wife read about and implemented a rule in which I have to beg on my knees every night to get in bed with her.  I figured it as play, I mean everyone loves to beg, right?  (lol no but I sure do)  She wouldn’t dream of having me sleep elsewhere because we love to cuddle and she feels secure next to me.  We had fun with the begging for a few weeks.

Then one night she said no and I would have to sleep on the floor.  I knew that she was playing mind games on me but regardless of that, I am an obedient slave so I went down to lie on a throw rug we have on the floor and grabbed my pillow and a blanket per her instructions.  We said goodnight and I lay there for a minute, waiting for her to tell me to get on the bed.

It wasn’t a game of chicken as if who would blink first.  I knew my place was not to beg any further and just to wait for her whim.

Another minute passed and I could hear the slight change in breathing indicating that she was asleep.  I remember thinking that she really did it and I’m either going to have to disobey her or else sleep on the floor.

I slept on the floor.

I seriously thought about disobeying as a sort of silent safe word (not to wake her up) because when I don’t get a decent night’s sleep grumpy doesn’t even begin to describe my next day.  Being 49 years old I really can’t sleep on the floor, it literally hurts after a while.

But I so much want her to exert sadistic power over me and I don’t want to hurt her confidence that I complied.  I won’t say that I slept on the floor because I just tossed and turned to try to minimize the pain in my hips (if I was on my side), my lower back (on my back), and a few other places.  6 hours.  6 long hours.

At 6:00am when she woke up she told me to get on the bed and it was the most luxurious feeling in the world.  I felt that I was in a million dollar resort and slept for a few hours.

I don’t know the effect of not sleeping much that night because as it turned out that late the next morning a toothache which had been building (due to a hairline fracture in the tooth) and which I had been wondering how to handle raged and I had one of my worst weekends ever, in pain from the toothache.  I had the tooth pulled on that Monday and then I was fine.  I think I blogged about having the tooth pulled because I tried to make it a BDSM experience but failed; although I made it through with only local anasthaesia which was an accomplishment for wimpy me.

Toothache aside, I have a great experience to remember and a story to tell of how I literally had to sleep on the floor.  Woe is me!  I even had a friend through FetLife tell me that she envied me lol.  And now when I beg my wife to get into bed my begging is real because I know that she has the authority to say no.

My wife has made me do some other things I truly didn’t want to do such as eat a Kleenex and take a very cold shower (I blogged about those) but I love the victimization I feel from those things so much (when it is all initiated from my wife) that I would go through even worse and enjoy it.

Sep 4, 2012 — Fantasies

As I mentioned a couple of blog posts ago, my wife is out of town.  She is finally returning this coming weekend and even though it has only been weekd it feels like it has been months.  We always were close and loving ever since we met but BDSM has clearly brought more closeness in our marriage so now without her I feel as though I am one hand clapping, so to speak.

Except that I am not allowed to use my hands there, so there is no clapping at all (okay that was not a good segue).  However, due to the long absence she has allowed me to do that for a specific amount while she is gone, but not to climax.  (How did I start talking about this?  I guess my thoughts are rambling since I am not able to relate any of my own recent BDSM experiences.)

When she returns it will have been 16 days of no orgasm for me.  That is the longest by 4 days.  I know I know, you chastity guys probably want to tell me “You crybaby, I’ve been chaste for months!” lol.  Well, if so then go ahead and cry, I certainly would be crying.

Honestly, I miss her more than I miss the orgasms but I won’t lie, I also miss the freedom of being able to bring myself to an orgasm while she is gone.  Freedom’s just another word for … oh, never mind lol.

The title of this blog post is fantasies because I have encountered two blogs which seem to fulfill many submissive guys’ fantasies.  Not all, of course, since every submissive is different, and not even a majority.  But these blogs really portray from a woman’s point of view the type of woman I think many men would fantasize about.

One of the blogs is which is written by a woman whose husband told her that he was submissive.  I don’t know details, of course, but according to her blog she learned to enjoy tormenting him as he wanted and as the months and years went on she enjoyed it more and more.  It really brought out her sadism and she now revels in it.  She now has taken it to a level that is far beyond what her husband would want and she literally tortures and humiliates him apparently a large amount of the time, dressing him up in dolly outfits, putting him in 3 hour sensory deprivation bondage (which he hates) while also torturing him with CBT, caning him beyond what he would enjoy, blackmailing him by threating to send horribly humiliating pictures of him to his work if he ever leaves her (he doesn’t want to leave her because she is so beautiful and he is so conditioned that he would feel lost without her), making him do hours of all of the chores around the house while she does few or none, putting him in chastity and then ruining his orgasms, and even cuckolding him.  This dominant woman sells journals of her sadistic dominance over her husband.

Now I may be naive but I’m not stupid.  I have a healthy amount of skepticism about the truth of everything in the blog.  I have no idea, of course, but just what I read in the blog.  And I cast no aspersions, it is just that I am skeptical by nature.

In any case it is an amazing life being described.  I admit that the fantasy of being treated so horribly while the dominant gets a huge amount of joy from it is very appealing.  I also realize that I doubt that I could truly live like that … but maybe halfway or a third-of-the-way like that.  I don’t know.

The dominant woman of that blog warns husbands to be careful what they wish for.  In reality, I only wish for what my wife wants because if she didn’t want it then I wouldn’t want it (see my statement above about the huge amount of joy the dominant gets, I truly need dominant joy or my submission is not enjoyable to me).  It is interesting to see this dominant woman responding to comments on the blog from other submissive men who enjoy her husband, as if she has a bit of the attitude “You guys, my husband truly doesn’t enjoy this and yet you still say you want it.”  She even gives advice that wives of submissive husbands should explore this side of themselves, their husbands won’t stop them from getting everything they want, even the joys of rather severe sadism.

The other blog I have recently encountered which portrays what many men would fantasize about is in which a woman goes into some loving detail about how much she loves for her feet to be worshipped once she has built an emotional connection with someone.  This blog, like the other one I mentioned, is like a fantasy in my view because it is music to the eyes of men with a foot fetish, and in case you didn’t know, there are bazillions of men who have a foot fetish.  You might be surprised at how common it is (or at least an enjoyment of feet if not a fetish).

I believe that the woman who writes this blog is completely sincere.  She does not write it from the standpoint of a male fantasy.  It seems to be from the heart.  The other blog I mentioned above also seemed to be from the heart but it seemed too good to be true, or at least too extreme to be 100% true.  Maybe I’m wrong, of course.

I can speak from my own experience before I met my wife and also what I read now on FetLife that many men with a foot fetish feel as though they will never find a woman who will tolerate having their feet worshipped, let alone finding a woman who would enjoy it.  They may even be statistically correct.  That is one reason why in my view to see a blog like this woman’s blog would be music to those guys’ eyes.

Here is a true story (everything on my blog is the truth but I figured I would add that in there):  during the months of my wife and my long distance relationship together over the phone and via chat (before there were webcams) and before we met in person we were up front about telling ourselves about each other.  Baring our souls so to speak.  I think that the very first time we met online I told her that I liked women’s feet (I don’t think I used the word fetish) and once I received a positive reaction I became very open about it.

When we met in person for the first time I asked if I could kiss her feet and she said yes.  I was nervous because it was a rather forward thing to ask but we had already known each other for months and I did not feel that it was out of line.  I only hoped that she wouldn’t give me a disapproving look.

To my delight when I looked up at her after kissing her foot, my wife had the most beautiful look in her eyes.  It wasn’t just accepting of me, it was that her fantasy had come true.  It turns out that she has always enjoyed attention to her feet and while she had not thought to desire a foot fetishist, it was a perfect fit.  She had been telling me this on the phone but seeing was believing and the look in her eyes made me a believer.

To this day 15 years ago she still looks at me that way when I am kneeling at her feet.

So I’ve accomplished making myself miss my wife some more, ergo I will stop writing.  Thank you again for reading my blog!