Ok, I need to try to process what happened. Oh, stop over-thinking. The easy truth is that I enjoyed myself and met some very nice and interesting people. I had indicated a couple of days ago on the thread within FetLife for this specific munch that I would be there in my glasses and powder blue shirt and when I showed up I was greeted by someone very nice (thank you to you), which was a big help in getting over whatever nerves I had about meeting people I had never met.
Then a few others sat near us and conversation was easy and natural. The munch Master had everyone introduce themselves individually and while I was a bit nervous (being introverted and shy and all of that), it was fun and I said what I wanted to say. I turned in the other direction to join in on the discussion in that direction and that was almost all about BDSM which was right up my alley.
(Names withheld because it isn’t cool to mention names without consent.)
Yeah right, “the end” my rear-end. That’s not how this blog works!
Ok, I need to try to process what happened. Didn’t I already say that? I need to provide some background on why things are not as simple as the above.
10,000 years ago before the elder races – oops, wrong opening, that is from the Babylon 5 TV show.
Back when I was born – no that’s too far.
I have always been introverted and shy (another repeated message in this blog). When I get in groups of more than 3 people I often become uninterested and do not join in on the conversation. Most of the conversations people have are not that interesting to me (sorry if that seems snobbish but my enjoyment span for conversation topics is not all that large when I am just listening, I start looking around for a PC game to play or something) and I often have a difficult time interjecting a word in edgewise. After 10-15 minutes of listening to something uninteresting, I become bored, and longer than that it can become a real chore. Family get-togethers, meetings at work (unless the work topic was something I could talk about), etc. are really very tough for me, I can’t even describe how tough. Maybe some of you other introverts know exactly what I am talking about?
So why go to a munch when it is groups of more than 3 people talking? Because BDSM is a topic about which I can chat or talk for hours (oh, you haven’t noticed that? lol). If there is some other talk interspersed, that is okay too. I was somewhat “warned” that some munches have little to no BDSM talk but I was okay with that risk, my expectations were not to chat about BDSM all of the time and if there was no BDSM talk then nothing ventured nothing gained.
But that brings up why go to a munch at all? I am not looking for any play partners, lovers, or anything else like that because I am monogamously married to literally the best woman in the world for me. I don’t know the answer to the question really. I have been enjoying meeting people through FetLife or e-mail from those who read my web page writings. I have been going into the “Submissive men and women who love them” group chatroom from time to time and greatly enjoy meeting people there. I am not shy or introverted in online chatrooms (quite the opposite most of the time) back from before I met my wife or even now. I am energized chatting and messaging with people (about BDSM), which is basically the definition of being an extrovert. I don’t remember whether my wife or I transferred this to the idea of going to a munch but maybe I would be energized there?
Or maybe I would just sit like a lump on a log and not talk to anyone as I would in most other groups of people.
My wife was not interested in going to a munch, probably due to the experience we had which I blogged about a few months ago, the experience my wife and I had going to a coffee shop BDSM discussion group (not to mention that my wife is out of town now anyway). At that coffee shop gathering my wife felt out of place and uncomfortable and while I enjoyed it somewhat, there wasn’t any time to talk or meet people (because we left before there was time for meeting people) and it was so-so for me, although I did enjoy being around people who were giving discussion presentations about BDSM. So fast-forward to now, and I wasn’t sure about this munch. My wife has repeatedly been encouraging me to go, though, so since a slave does what he is told, I went. Okay, I went of my own volition but I would not have gone if my wife didn’t want me to go.
I walked into the private room within the restaurant and even though I was only a few minutes early there were only 3 people in the room. I almost walked out to come back 10 minutes later but I decided to just walk in now anyway. Someone recognizing my shirt greeted me by name and even complimented me on my FetLife posts. I can’t speak for any other introverts, but buttering up is a good tactic lol. The welcome made me feel at ease and she and I talked for a minute or two before someone else sat near us and we had a 5-person discussion going to my right. We talked about mostly non-BDSM topics although I asked the man who was across from me about what being a switch meant to him. In chatrooms I tend to bring up BDSM topics and I was glad that I felt comfortable doing that here.
Then after each of the 30-40 of us in the room introduced ourselves briefly – wait, tangent here:
Did I mention that one of those who introduced himself was <name removed, see comments>? Yes, that <name removed>! Isn’t that like being at a discussion group for computers and Bill Gates introduces himself? Yes, I think it is. If I had actually read any of his books (I have not gotten around to it yet, I write a whole lot more than I read) then I would have tried to go over and introduce myself (yes, even introverted and shy me).
Anyway, after introductions I turned to the left and there were 3 others talking about BDSM topics so I joined in. Nothing unusual there, right? Wrong. I joined in. Not to make a big deal out of it (because it isn’t actually a big deal, even for me) but I don’t just join in on conversations face-to-face with a group of people I have never met. I typically listen for a while and then maybe try to join in somewhat (or I try to walk away in most cases) but in this case I jumped in with both feet in and it was very natural. This whole issue probably seems silly to many people, so what you talked to people.
The attractive woman to my left mentioned to me that she only recently joined FetLife and wondered where are the submissive men? What on earth?! Submissive men are all over the place, you almost trip over them! Okay, that’s not my own observation, that’s just a stereotype that I read. I have never paid attention to whether or not there are submissive men but I know that there are FetLife groups for us and I see many guys post. She also mentioned that in the past she has met submissive men who say that they are submissive but are really only interested in a very small number of activities or fetishes and not particularly interested in pleasing their Domme. Where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, from plenty of other dominant women on FetLife!! I was so moved by this effect months ago that I wrote a fictional story about it on my web page, “DoMeSub” in which a Domme takes on the task of teaching a so-called “Do Me Sub” and making him into someone who actually submits to pleasing a Domme – not very realistic but like most of my other fictional stories it is a fantasy.
So sub guys, where you at?!! I mean sub guys who are actually interested in pleasing their Domme, not just to satisfy their own fetishes. There’s nothing wrong with satisfying your own fetishes, that’s not what I am saying at all, I am just saying that if you are actually interested in pleasing your Domme then there are good matches for you on FetLife, despite you possibly thinking otherwise. By “pleasing your Domme” I mean in the way she wants to be pleased, the way that she tells you that she wants to be pleased which could be just about anything (but not past your hard limits). If you are telling your Domme how she wants to be pleased, well, that form of submission is not something I understand much about.
Anyway, the discussion about BDSM was a lot of fun and, just like in a chatroom, I had plenty to add to the conversation and enjoyed everything the others said. There was no kinky talk, it was just talk about being new to BDSM, learning about yourself and others, navigating FetLife, how we coped before there was the internet, and that sort of thing. Plus I was able to talk about my wife several times which I always like doing ad infinitum (if allowed).
I don’t think that this blog post will be helpful to anyone who is nervous about going and wondering how it would be for them. Most people who go alone to a munch are, I think, in a situation in which they are available to meet new BDSM relationship partners so my whole reason for going was I think different from the norm. I will say, though, that just from observation it appeared that about half of the group was available and maybe a bit over half were women while a bit under half were men, some dominant, some submissive, and some switch of both genders. It was a good mix of people.
I am certain that I will go to that munch next month and have already made a few friends from those I talked with. Woohoo!
So am I still “introverted and shy”? Well, I don’t have an answer for that and being introverted is not something which needs to be “cured” in any case. I won’t change how I identify myself with this but at least I feel better about being able to interject myself into interesting discussions, which in itself is a good thing.