I reached subspace for the first time!
Despite the date (Apr 1) this is not a joke.
In my post from yesterday (Mar 31) I mentioned that it had been over a week since I had been tortured for more than a few minutes. Well, last night was worth the wait!
In a couple of my posts from early March I indicated that despite feeling a whole lot of pain in a scene the endorphins would never seem to kick in. I wasn’t sure, though, because I didn’t know what to compare to other than articles I had read such as the great detailed article at https://fetlife.com/users/259961/posts/940140. Now I’m sure. I had not reached subspace before. Not even after more than an hour of excruciating torture which I detailed in an early March post.
Don’t get me wrong, I reach a submissive mindset very easily with my wife. When she tells me to get up off the couch and she has that look in her eyes so that I know I’m going to be beaten or otherwise tortured, I immediately become afraid and submissive which is a great feeling. When my wife tells me to stand in the corner or even just to fetch her water, I feel very submissive. Subspace is a different thing.
Just hours after I finished yesterday’s post, late last night my wife had that look in her eyes. As she pulled me by my dick across the house into the bedroom she told me that she just had to whip me, as if she had pent up frustration to release. She used the bullwhip on me as she often does but she is getting better with snapping it off against my back and butt and right from the first crack of the whip it was painful to me. The first several blows were quite painful though not enough for me to more than give a brief yelp, maybe because I am getting better about being able to take this pain without screaming. She then told me to shake my butt so I did and then she started laughing with joy and didn’t stop for around 10 minutes. The bullwhipping lasted only a few minutes and when she stepped right in front of me, between the wall and me, to put the bullwhip back on its peg I thought we were done. She said something like “It’s okay” which gave me a further feeling that we were done.
Then she literally grabbed me with her hands on my shoulders and pushed me a couple of steps and then pushed me onto the bed face down. Gosh I love that, it hasn’t been part of our dynamic much but to be handled like a rag doll really gets my motor running.
So far it’s been two things to really get my motor running, good snaps of the whip and being thrown onto the bed. I’m trying to understand what happened last night which is why I’m keeping this count.
Next she got out the neon wand and started applying the static electricity to my butt, the back of my thighs, and then my upper back. It hurt but not to a huge degree. For some reason, though, I started begging for mercy. I am not sure why but I felt extra afraid, maybe it was her sadistic manner which was natural and not forced. Electric shock has a slight bit of a freak out factor for me and combine that with pain and I always make noises (groaning or yelping) when the neon wand is applied to my skin. My wife loves using the neon wand on me and just kept laughing in joy as a continuation of her laughing while whipping and pushing me.
Then she had me turn over on my back and I knew what was going to happen. She knew that I knew, too, and she relished my fear. I begged like there was no tomorrow and she used an innocent girlish voice to say “What?”, as if she wasn’t going to be cruel, which only increased my fear.
It didn’t take her long to zap my dick which caused me, as it always does, to yell loud and jerk my entire body. In this case I quickly turned over on my stomach not on purpose but as a reaction. She told me to close my eyes and she zapped my dick and balls several more times, with several seconds between. I simply couldn’t stop yelling at each zap and jerking my body bigtime. So she climbed on top of my legs to try to hold me down and zap me.
Then my fear jumped to another level. What if I couldn’t even turn away from the pain? I’m getting chills of fear just writing about that. But when she zapped me again my legs were trying to lift with such force that they almost pushed her off me. She recognized that it was not safe for her to be near or on my legs as she zapped my dick so she stopped and she put away the neon wand altogether to move onto the next torture. By next I mean whatever she wanted, there was no script here that I knew of (there was a script only that one time in early March).
My wife then used a paddle on me. The paddle she has is a flimsy wooden mini ping pong type paddle. The first time I saw it I thought that it wouldn’t be worth much of anything because one hard blow from that doesn’t hurt much at all. But after a few blows it stings. And after several blows it stings a lot.
She spanked my butt with it a whole bunch. It stung and after a lot of not full strength blows I was writhing and yelling into the pillow. This had the effect of warm-up which I read a lot about but usually don’t experience.
My wife was also trash-talking me at this time while she was paddling me over and over. Once I start yelling in pain my voice often goes up an octave. I’m not sure why that is. My wife took the opportunity to laugh at me being a baby. Let’s see if I can remember examples. As I was groaning in a high-pitched falsetto voice (think Bee Gees) she mocked that voice by copying it. So I went “Ohhhh” and she said “Ohhhh” in a mocking way. Then she said somethings like “Awww, baby getting hurt, you’re such a baby” making me feel like a wimp for not being able to take the pain of a flimsy paddle.
Then she took my humiliation further as I started to cry. Between strikes of the paddle on my abused butt my wife made me say humiliating things such as “I’m a crying baby!” and some other things I can’t remember now. One of the things I had to say was quite long and I had to concentrate to say it all correctly. Gosh that was great.
So far she had tortured me for 15-20 minutes and I had not screamed at the top of my lungs (something I often do after just 5 minutes) once. I think this is an important point and helped me get to subspace. There was plenty of action and plenty of humiliation but no severe pain.
Then a strange thing happened. I don’t remember the exact time of transition but at some point the pain from her paddling my butt almost went away even though she was still hitting me. It was as if my butt were getting numb and as my pain reactions were greatly dimished my wife even said something like “I think your butt is getting numb.” I began to worry, not from a safety or damage standpoint (I know that some people go through spanking sessions of 30-60 minutes so I didn’t have a safety concern) but from the standpoint of not being able to enjoy the spanking from not feeling it.
My wife put away the paddle and moved on to the crop, which hurts like hell. When she whacked my butt with it, there was definitely pain and I yelped but the pain was not severe, even after several whacks. She moved on to my thighs and then the pain level immediately jumped, I was not numb there. Still, I was not screaming into the pillow, or not screaming at the top of my lungs.
Then a strange thing happened. I was not yelling, I was moaning even as the crop was coming down on me. It was not moans of pain. It was moans of a mindset of being victimized is the only way I can describe it. “Ohhh, mhhmm, Ohhh.” The crop was not relentless on me as my wife was being judicious with the blows and even using a lot of light taps against my butt and thighs and I think this helped.
I was aware of myself and wondered why I was moaning. I asked myself “Is this subspace?” I didn’t think it was but I wasn’t at all sure.
Then my wife had me turn over and she paddled my thighs and even my dick a couple of times, not too hard. I wasn’t moaning but I was enjoying it and the pain wasn’t too much. I watched the sadism on her face.
Next, my wife changed gears altogether. She clipped a clothespin to my left nipple. I am learning that the exact positioning of the clothespin makes a huge difference, in this case there was not much pain as I guess the clothespin was not clipping just the tip of my nipple. I didn’t look though because I was focused on what else my wife was doing.
She was giving me a hand job. I started moaning again, though it wasn’t a subspace moan. Gosh that felt good. I was feeling very victimized and submissive from the torture and to feel her hand on my dick was just heaven. She worked me for maybe 30-60 seconds and then unclipped the clothespin and put it on my right nipple. This time it was much more painful, not overly-so, but enough for me to be clenching my face and balling my fist due to the pain. She resumed giving me a hand job and also whacked my thigh several times with the paddle as she worked my dick with her other hand. The combination of double pain and pleasure was amazing. I wanted it to continue for a long time but after another 30 seconds or so she removed the clothespin and transitioned to the next torture.
I was told to flip over onto my stomach and as I heard her light a match I started to whine and beg again. She lit a candle and re-approached the bed and I begged in earnest. “Please don’t hurt me anymore, I swear I will do anything you say, I swear it” and I meant it. She replied “I know you will” as she tipped the candle over from high above my back.
As I’ve blogged before, there is no slow drip in this candle, it’s quick drip drip dripdripdrip which had me yelling and I guess screaming into the pillow. The dripping lasted probably only 30-60 seconds and then she put the candle away and spent a couple of minutes picking the wax off my skin, which slightly hurt each time but it was mostly a rest time for me.
By this time I was back in subspace and when I was not yelling I was moaning every now and then. As she was picking the wax off my skin I remembered what I had read about subspace and I confirmed that I was definitely feeling floaty, not just tired or exhausted (I had felt those during a scene before), but floaty.
I am fuzzy now on what happened for the next few minutes. I know that there was more torture, I think more paddling in different areas of my back, thighs, and butt, and some cropping. I was floaty for all of it. I also remember being on my back and watching her torture me, I think with more paddling and cropping. I remember that she was seeming to look at my dick as a potential target for the paddle and the crop. Yes I remember that vividly. I was not freaked out by it, though I was begging with all of my heart for mercy (I don’t think I begged out loud, though). I was looking at her and felt the most submissive I have ever felt. I don’t know whether or not I said anything out loud but I would have done anything for her and if she wanted to whack the hell out of my dick then so be it. I don’t think she did end up whacking my dick at this time but I’m not sure.
I am also a bit fuzzy now on how the scene ended. I remember some false endings in which the torture paused and she was sitting on the bed next to me and caressing my skin only to resume the torture. I think the scene ended when she just said “Okay” and started putting things away. I didn’t dare get off the bed without permission so she said “Get up off the bed”. We hugged and I told her that I was in subspace, hoping that it was a topic we had discussed enough previously (just because we like to talk about all of this stuff) to be understood. Once the hug ended I had a strange energy going through my body.
I went a few steps back to the bed and as my wife was in the adjoining bathroom I think washing her hands I hugged my pillow and had an urge to laugh.
Tangent time: The first time I had one of my wisdom teeth pulled I was put to sleep and when I woke there was my wife ready to drive me home. For the next hour I felt euphoric and could not stop laughing and singing (with slurred words) in utter joy. That was about 15 years ago and to this day I remember that feeling as one of the best in my life. The first time I ejaculated inside a woman was with my wife before we were married. I couldn’t stop laughing with euphoric joy right after that for the next few minutes.
Last night was the same feeling. I just had to laugh with joy. When my wife returned to the bedroom I rushed up to hug her again and just laughed and laughed. She caught onto the joy and joined the laugh. I think the laughing hug only lasted a minute but the high lasted the remaining 10-15 minutes before bed.
My wife and I didn’t sleep well, probably due to the adrenaline of the experience. Normally I’m grumpy after not sleeping well but I’m still on an emotional high now the next morning.
People who are used to being in subspace would probably read this (if they read it at all or got this far) as my making a big deal out of nothing but it wasn’t nothing to me.
Those same people would probably warn me of subdrop. I will try to fight that off if I feel it occurring as I suspect it might.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this experience with me by reading this blog. If you would like to provide any feedback for me feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org, it would be much appreciated.