I wrote a journal about one of our first play times together a few days after it occurred in Nov 2011 but didn’t have a blog to post it to at the time. Today I found a picture of myself from the experience on Nov 2011 and went back to find my old journal entry which I have copy-pasted below (with just a few corrections and additions). I have posted the picture on FetLife (see below for link).
Nov 11, 2012 — One weekend we took a short overnight trip and my wife indicated to me that she had bought some toys for our hotel stay. She denied me from achieving orgasm for 6 days up until the Friday of our trip and that was the longest she had ever denied me (though I gave her pleasure that week through penetration pulled out prior to my orgasm but not here, and from my fingers). I did not know what the toys were but I had an idea. I had worried about the emotional buildup because I didn’t want to experience disappointment but the experience went beyond what I had even hoped for.
During dinner at the hotel my wife drank two mixed drinks of alcohol. My wife rarely drinks and when she does it is always just one drink. Until that night. I don’t drink alcohol at all but I could see that my wife was hammered, she was forgetting things we just talked about, she was repeating herself, and she just didn’t seem like she was in full control of her faculties. I was discouraged, not only in her poor judgment on this of all nights, but also because it could have ruined a fun evening. Near the end of dinner I decided that I would not let her inflict anything on me – especially anything new – in her drunken state so I decided that I would help her take a nap as soon as we returned to the hotel room. I rubbed her feet and she did nap for 10-15 minutes.
When my wife woke up, she commanded me to strip and get on the bed. She did not seem drunk any more so I was very glad. She had told me that alcohol tends to have an effect which wears off very quickly.
My wife had purchased Velcro beginner wrist and ankle restraints and secured me face down spread-eagled to the bed. I was expecting to be whipped with my belt but what happened next was much more frightening.
My wife brought to my attention a pink butt plug. Based on some of the comments she had made during the week I thought that a butt plug might be on the agenda but this plug was much bigger than I had thought it would be. It looked huge! The plug seemed to be as tall as the width of my body, how could that go inside me without coming out the other end?!
Later, my wife told me that the reason she had two drinks earlier was so she would be able to force the big plug inside of me without wavering in her resolve.
I knew that the angle would mean that it would not come out the other end and I knew that a butt plug was a standard type of device which probably thousands of people use so I didn’t really fear harm. But I was still scared as this had never been done to me before and that thing was huge! Earlier in the week I had warned my wife that I might beg and she should feel free to react with whatever mercy or evil she wanted to (as long as the safe word was not used), my begging was just part of being submissive and not meant to truly ask her to stop, so I went ahead and begged with all of my heart not to put that inside of me.
My wife laughed at me as I begged.
She put some lubricant on the plug and began to insert into me slowly. I tried not to resist but I couldn’t help it and my butt was fighting back on its own. It felt like the plug was making little progress despite the strong push from my wife but then my wife began to twist the plug as she forced it in and then I felt progress in addition to pain from the plug being twisted.
During this first experience I was inundated with new physical and emotional sensations. I felt violated and every tiny movement or thrust of the plug brought gasps and groans as I twisted my body against the restraints. It was pain but it was not severe. The humiliation and violation I felt was severe (in a good way).
My wife finally stopped the torture after I am guessing 15 minutes, I felt the plug being removed and she was rubbing my butt gently to calm me down. I was somewhat disappointed in myself because it seemed like even with the twisting and forcing I was only able to take a couple of inches of the plug but I was wrong, my wife said with surprise in her voice that the entire thing had been in me!
I was still catching my breath from all of the gasping and groaning when my wife asked if I enjoyed it and I gave a hearty yes. It was a humiliating and painful experience, just what I had hoped for!
My wife decided that I had not had enough of the plug so she stuffed a large cloth in my mouth and placed a blindfold over my eyes. She then forced and twisted the plug into me again, despite my groans and struggles against the restraints. We both knew that I could take the plug all the way so there was no need for my mouth to be free to be able to say the safe word so my groans were muffled by the gag. Once the plug was inside me all the way again, my wife told me to hold it in as she stepped away for a moment. With all of the sensation and emotion going through me I had no idea what I could to do hold in the plug but it was still in when my wife quickly returned and started whipping my bare butt with my belt.
Being whipped with a belt is somewhat painful in general and the pain grows with more strokes. Whatever the reason, though, the pain I felt at the first couple of blows was quite intense and I screamed into the gag in my mouth. She whipped my butt for another several strokes and I closed my eyes, screamed into the cloth, and just tried to bear it. She then whipped my upper back hard and that too hurt like hell. Fortunately, she stopped at that point. I could have taken more, maybe much more, but it is still painful just to think back to it.
After my wife had pulled the plug out and removed the gag and restraints, she told me to get in the large hotel room shower with her and I gladly complied. She had me rub soap all over her body and then rinse it off. Then she told me to get down on the shower floor and I had no idea what this was for so I got on my hands and knees. She told me, though, to sit down on my butt so I did and then she did what I was hoping she would do.
<I digress> One of the themes in many BDSM stories is for the dominant to receive sexual gratification from the submissive and I had hoped that my wife would be able to take advantage of that to help her enjoy the BDSM experience as much as I do. So far this week she seemed to be enjoying it quite a bit with close to 5-8 orgasms to my zero (not that I was counting, well, maybe a little!). Usually my wife would only experience 2-4 orgasms during our twice-weekly sex but this has been quite a week even before the weekend.
A common method of receiving sexual gratification is for the submissive to use his tongue on her private parts. I had never eaten a woman out before. I had never even thought about it, it just didn’t seem like something I would ever be okay with doing. My wife, too, had never experienced it before.
But earlier in the week, in the context of our BDSM relationship and in the hopes that my wife would find it enjoyable, I made a comment that this is something I would be willing to try. Fortunately, my wife took my hint and commanded me to do this for her at this moment in the shower.
It was a lot easier than I had imagined, especially since I knew we were clean from being in the shower. I can only observe from her reactions but I believe that she loved it, beyond loved it. I won’t say more because it’s only from my observation so I will leave it at that. Much later in the same evening she had me do this again to her on the bed.
I felt great. Not only had I experienced my first intense – or intense compared to anything I had done before – session of being tortured but I had enjoyed it immensely (I wasn’t absolutely certain I would enjoy it until I tried it). And the experience had led to a great pleasure for my wife. It was a win-win.
After the shower my wife had me bend over the bed and take it in the butt one more time. She forced the plug up my butt yet again and told me to hold it as she backed me away from the bed. I could feel the plug coming out so she had me sit on a nearby chair to force it in me some more which felt even more intense. It still wasn’t intense pain but it was just such an unaccustomed feeling that it made me gasp and cringe with every movement.
My wife then lay face up on the bed with her legs hanging off the edge and commanded me to enter her while I stood next to the bed. I managed to keep the plug inside of me and with my wife lifting her legs so that her bare feet were in my face, which I loved, she helped me enter inside of her. I thrust a few times to both of our pleasure and she told me that she wanted me to imagine that a man was fucking me from behind at this moment. I would never want that imagination to become a reality even in this sort of BDSM setting (or I don’t think I would, that would be an extreme which is way beyond my limits at this point) but the fantasy of this increased the humiliation.
The plug fell out and once my wife was satisfied she pushed me away with her feet so that I was denied orgasm.
Later, we lay on the bed together and told each other how much we loved the experiences we were going through tonight. It was quite an “ordeal” for me and I felt content, or at least until I would be allowed to orgasm, but my wife had other ideas.
She told me to bend over the bed again and I begged about being sensitive down there by now but my begging had no effect. My wife once again for the fourth time in the night forced that huge plug inside my butt and guided me to sit on the chair.
While I was groaning and squirming in pain and humiliation, my wife took my left wrist and wrapped the restraint around it, and then pulled my left wrist tight to behind the right side of my body and tied the restraint to the back of the chair, repeating the process with my right wrist behind the left side of my body. My arms were crossed in front of my chest like being in a strait jacket. This was extremely exciting as with every small movement the plug played with my insides and I could not get up. This felt like about as evil a thing as she could do.
But I was wrong. She put the gag back in my mouth and put the blindfold on my eyes. She then lifted my right ankle to sit on top of my left knee and wrapped a restraint around it and tied the restraint around the left side of my body to the back of the chair. Then she lifted my left ankle up to the chair and restrained it around the right side of my body.
I was completely unable to move and restrained in a yoga-type straight jacket position, with that huge plug forced by the seat of the chair up my butt! I was still involuntarily moaning and in such a horribly diabolical torture I began to whimper.
As a response to my pain my wife turned on the TV and sat down to watch it and me.
I was in a great state of emotional and physical distress (in a good way). With every slight squirm I felt completely violated by the plug and I couldn’t even beg or scream due to the gag. I tried to whimper-beg my wife to show me mercy, well, in reality I didn’t even have to try, I really was whimper-begging, but I knew that I was going to have to suffer until my wife decided I had enough.
I heard a click and my wife laughed and said that she had taken a picture. When we got home later in the weekend I saw that she had e-mailed the picture to me. I have posted a picture of myself in this position on my Fetlife profile at https://fetlife.com/users/1261175/pictures/10021284.
I felt so helpless that I cried into the blindfold while still whimpering. I don’t know how long it was, maybe 20 minutes total, but my wife released me and I knelt on the floor crying and hugging her leg.
This was one of the best experiences of my life and I told my wife this. I had been brought to true tears with humiliation and pain and hope to feel that again and again in many different ways.
Later, when we went to bed to sleep my wife told me that I would be sleeping with my face pressed up against her feet. In my victimized and submissive state I was all too happy to comply although I mentioned with as much respect as I could that I would probably have trouble sleeping that way but she said too bad.
Neither of us slept for a while as we kept adjusting different ways for her feet to be in my face. She then asked if I would like to flip up and sleep normally, I said yes please but she said tough.
I was in more and more of a frenzy of not having achieved orgasm in the past six days so after around a half hour of kissing her feet and sucking her toes I begged my wife to allow me to enter her. I begged over and over with all of my heart feeling very dependent on her yes or no. She said that I could flip up and snuggle her from behind so I took what I could get and did that, not daring to show any of my angst at still not being allowed to orgasm. Instead of just hugging, though, I gently caressed her breast and could feel her entire body tingle at my touch.
After another minute of this my wife had me get up on my knees on the bed and enter her from behind. I did this and just as she was achieving orgasm I felt myself finally reaching that blessed state. Fortunately, she did not stop me in time and I exploded inside of her.
A few moments later my wife told me sternly that I was bad, I shouldn’t have done this. She said that her plan had been to make me wait for 2 more days! I was mortified by her evil intentions and felt very relieved that I would not have to wait 2 more days. But I still fear what might happen due to my “transgression” (edit later: fortunately there was no punishment).
Actually, I fear my wife in general now. She has taken control of me and could do basically whatever she wants with me. And I love every moment of it. She has already shown that she will use me as her sex toy over and over while purposefully humiliating and hurting me.
We both know that there are limits and there is a huge amount of love between us which is what makes our relationship and our marriage special. I believe that our new BDSM relationship has made our great love stronger, I know that it has for me.