Jul 4, 2013 – Asking for something

…so how can I ask my Princess for something?

I’ll back up a bit to explain my question.  A few days ago on July 1st I posted a blog entry about my most unfortunate shortcoming and this is a continuation of that.  I recommend reading that entry before reading this one.

On FetLife I frequently see comments, mostly from dominant women, that subs need to speak up and state their desires.  I frequently see statements to the effect of “How can I make an informed decision as the dominant without information on what he prefers?  I am not a mind-reader.”  I agree with the approach of open communication.  If people in a relationship can express their thoughts and desires with each other in an open manner, that is great and extremely helpful to everyone.

However, how can I muster up the whatever to ask my Princess for something knowing what she has to put up with (i.e. my shortcomings)?  How can I say “I would really like XXX” when I believe that XXX is not something she is particularly interested in (maybe yes a bit or maybe not at all) and when I can’t reciprocate by enjoying something she particularly enjoys?  The answers are that I really can’t.  “I want you to do this for me but I can’t do that for you” = not a dynamic I or most anyone would enjoy, I think.

Mountain out of a molehill?  I don’t think so.  It’s not a small issue nor is it short-term.  Throughout my entire life I have avoided asking people I care about for anything, I would rather just do it myself or do without.  I still strive to get what I want through discussion and if things work out my way then I’m good with that, even if it’s the other person going out of their way for me.  The thing is, it’s usually on their own initiative so that I can feel comfortable that they want to do it and it wasn’t from pressure by me.  I do not want to be a burden on people I care about, even for just one issue.

Early in our marriage I quickly became much more comfortable stating my preferences to my Princess, because she has helped me feel comfortable.  I don’t like asking for things but I have learned in many situations how to state my preferences without making it seem like a request, or if it is just a thinly-veiled request I am okay with that if it’s something which I feel comfortable will not be a big issue.  Just to take a minor example, I have no problem expressing my preference on a restaurant we go to, if I have a preference, because I know that it almost never causes disappointment in her since if she wants to go somewhere then I am good with that.  We resolve disagreements extremely well so I do not go out of my way to steer away from those.

In my career I have no problem whatsoever asking for things, and I’m even sort of a “bulldog” in making sure that I obtain from others what I believe my customers need.  It has taken me some time to get this way and I am glad for it.  What makes this issue in my career different is that I put the job at hand ahead of my co-workers’ feelings (although my closer co-workers see less of the bulldog in me than those from other departments see) so if I am a burden to a co-worker then too bad because I have a job to complete.  I’m always very polite but my point is that due to not particularly caring about the feelings of my co-workers I can feel free to risk hurting their feelings by asking them to do things they may not want to do, if I feel it is part of their job.  I am a burden to my co-workers from time to time and I am fine with that.  By contrast, for people I care about such as friends and especially my Princess, stating my preferences can be tough if it potentially calls upon them to do any work.

I actually do not have preferences on a lot of things (which do not involve me doing work or which cost a lot of money, since I do have preferences about those types of issues) and that works out great because my Princess has her own preferences on many of the things I don’t care much about, so she gets her way and I am glad for that because I otherwise do not have much of a preference at all.  But I do have preferences on some things and my Princess and I are great at working it out on the rare times we disagree on a preference.  I am very thankful for that as well as pretty much all other aspects of our marriage.  I am very lucky.  And that’s not what this blog entry is about anyway.

What I mean to address is that it is difficult for many subs to express their preferences to their dominant, and in my case it is just difficult for me regardless of D/s because I don’t want to be a burden to anyone, especially to my Princess.  Or, stated more precisely, I don’t want to be more of a burden to her.

Reality check states that I am not overall a burden (in other words, I am worth the burden) and she assures me of that whenever I bring it up (including, I’m sure, once she reads this blog entry later today), but still it is difficult to overcome a lifetime of not stating my preferences, especially when stating those preferences might not lead to a good situation.

As usual with difficult subjects, I’m being somewhat vague and most of the above might not make much sense.  However, I think I am not alone in not wanting to ask for things because I don’t want to be a burden.

From a BDSM standpoint this meshes well with my not wanting to drive the bus, and I think that is working well for my Princess and me.  If I state a preference within BDSM and then that occurs just as I stated it, then I would feel like I’m driving the bus and would be contrary to my consensual non-consent kink, not to mention the “burden” issue above, so I just don’t state preferences.  And if somehow I were to break my “burden mentality” and state I want XXX, YYY, and ZZZ, that’s not a good dynamic to me anyway because of the consensual non-consent issue.

So what do I want?  I want a pony, and bubble-gum, and a hot wheels set, and a castle, and … oops age play.

Jul 1, 2013 – Closed-minded

I am closed-minded in what I enjoy.  This is in my view by far my biggest shortcoming.  Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to enjoy most everything?  Well, I’m pretty much on the opposite end of that spectrum.  There are very few activities which I enjoy … except within the realm of BDSM which to me almost all seems great almost no matter the activity (more on that later).

This shortcoming of mine is a very difficult thing to deal with.  It’s like having to find just the right rattle to give to a baby, they cry unless they have just the right one.  Maybe the baby doesn’t cry right away and can be okay for a while but at some point waaaah.

Unfortunately, that analogy is not that far off.  I don’t cry but I don’t have much tolerance for when I am in stuck in situations I don’t enjoy.

Okay, no-one enjoys being in un-enjoyable situations (that’s a tautology), so I’m not a unique flower.  But being limited in the quantity of activities I enjoy really puts me behind the 8 ball, so to speak.  And this is nothing new for me, it has been all of my life.

I am not proud of this.  In fact, it’s one of the things about myself that I don’t like.  It sucks.  And when I try to go outside of my comfort zone to try to help change my ways it sucks further because I don’t usually react well, getting grumpy sometimes for days if the event was a very bad one.  Like a spoiled baby.  As stated in the Monty Python episode, “Albatross!”

Which is why when I found FetLife and other sites, I was surprised that a large majority of what I see seems like a lot of fun, even if it is not something I have fantasized about.  That looks like fun, ooh look at that, that’s scary but seems like fun!  Finally, something which seems enjoyable in pretty much its entirety.

One of the most alluring parts of FetLife for the first few months was the advertisements.  I used to click on the ads frequently, and it would stoke my sub frenzy like a puppy in a new playground.  I would insert those toys from the advertisements into the fictional stories I was writing, to help me explore how those toys could be used in the consensual non-consent “forced” ways I enjoy, not to mention how the toys would appear in my daydream-like fantasies.

To clarify, I don’t actually enjoy many BDSM activities on their own, without the “forced” or at least a D/s element.  There are some BDSM activities I probably would enjoy in a top/bottom dynamic even without D/s but probably not all that many, so for that I would probably be somewhat close-minded (or picky is a better word in this case).  But when it’s D/s and/or being “forced,” woohoo almost anything goes!!!

So what about being “forced” to do other non-BDSM-related things I do not enjoy?  Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for me.  I feel no D/s dynamic from it.  I might still be glad that I did it depending upon other dynamics present (especially if it is about pleasing my Princess because I do enjoy that), and I might even enjoy the activity overall from that standpoint depending upon the details, but alas being “forced” to do it doesn’t bring any D/s into it for me.  To clarify, my Princess and I do a lot for each other and that is not what this blog post is about, the post is just about my own feelings of this issue as it relates to D/s.

Anywho, that is why in the past year when in the context of submission on FetLife and other sites (including my blog) I say things like “I enjoy pretty much whatever my Princess does to me or has me do,” I now say instead “I enjoy pretty much whatever BDSM-type activity my Princess does to me or has me do.”  Ugh, I hate that I can’t just say the first version of that but the truth is very important to me and it is what it is.

I probably have more to say about this difficult subject in a follow-up blog post, but I’ll let that wait for now.

Mar 13, 2013 — Theory of submissive service

In a discussion on FetLife someone posted a Theory of Submissive Service and I found a link to what was quoted:  http://bdsmprotocol.wikia.com/wiki/Theory_of_Submissive_Service.

This Theory initially sort of rubbed me the wrong way, surprisingly.  I know that there are some subs who truly do experience joy “to demonstrate, through your attitude and demeanor, that the Dominant’s needs come first.”  And I experience joy with this myself but the focus of this Theory still rubbed me the wrong way at first.

In thinking further on this, I believe that the reason it rubbed me the wrong way is due to how my submission works.  Everyone’s submission works differently and this Theory implies through its wording that this is the way submission should work for everyone.  I am not a proponent of the “one twue way.”  Beyond that, though, my submission is a combination of factors and does not really fit this Theory:

1) My biggest kinky joy by far, and what I have fantasized about for decades, is being “forced” (“dominated”) to endure BDSM-type suffering (pain, humiliation, and/or servitude).  With the application of this force or domination, I could possibly be made into the type of submissive described in this Theory, or possibly not.  Not a tit-for-tat situation but a sort of being forced into it.

This Theory bypasses that step altogether, though, or at least that’s how I read it.  I read it that a submissive should submit due to a need or desire to submit, the joy is in the submission itself without any need for the enduring of suffering.  That’s great for those who are fulfilled by that, and I know that many subs are fulfilled by that, but that’s not me or at least not for my #1.

2) I also get joy from submitting to my Princess because I love her deeply and enjoy giving her joy.  I don’t know how to classify this, whether it’s just being a loving husband, being a D/s submissive, or somewhere in between, and I am learning that it doesn’t matter how I classify it because it is what it is.  That said, it is not only being a loving husband, I do get a kinky kick out of being her obedient non-suffering slave although it is not my primary fantasy.  And where I get an even bigger kinky kick is being her sexual slave, something I had not even thought about ahead of time but now that it is reality it’s great.

So maybe I should interpret this Theory of Submissive Service as having for me (not for everyone, of course) a first section not covered, something like “A submissive who is beaten down and tortured, humiliated, and forced (conditioned?) to obey….”

Damn but that’s high maintenance and I think that’s what bothers me.  I would love to be someone who gets pure joy and BDSM fulfillment from service alone, but that’s just not the case, and I think that’s why this Theory rubbed me the wrong way because it’s something cool but something which I could never even really aspire to realistically (unless we add my section about suffering onto it).

In other words, reading this Theory makes me feel insufficient or deficient as a slave.

I don’t want to be high maintenance, and much stronger than that I don’t want to be a burden to my Princess.  That is why I am so so lucky that my Princess does enjoy making me endure BDSM-type suffering, as most anyone who reads my blog can see from prior entries.  So any deficiency I might feel at not being up to the standards of this Theory, and not even being able to get up to those standards, are washed away by the fact that it doesn’t matter.

What matters is that for me to be the sub or slave that I and my Princess want me to be.  I still have a ways to go to get there, it’s a marathon and not a sprint.

I also believe that this Theory sort of triggered in me a realization that there seems to be a difference in what many dominant women want and what many submissive men want.  I frequently see dominant women comment on FetLife about how difficult it is to find a “truly” submissive man, and the women go on to discuss how sometimes men say they will submit but it only occurs for a short time, not at all in reality, or just for certain activities.  I wonder how many of those man were hoping for a much heavier hand of dominance and suffering and then their submissive desires fizzled when they were expected to simply obey without much of any suffering?

“Grovel on the floor!” “Yes Mistress!!” “Feel my whip!” “Yes Mistress!!!!” “Clean my bathroom” “Uh, what?”

I am only talking out of my hat here, because I know that many sub guys do not want any suffering at all.  By the way, here is a blog entry about my three Ss of submission:  http://www.assdisc.com/blog/?p=115.  Suffering is the top of my list personally, then Servicing (sexual and sensual service), followed by Service (non-sensual service).  No surprises about me there, right?

I have also read that many dominant women don’t want a high maintenance sub.  High maintenance (along with everything else) is in the eye of the beholder so for just this particular issue I guess as long as a dominant woman enjoys perpetrating some suffering and a sub guy enjoys suffering, then it’s a matter of matching or compromising the two levels of needs and desires.

One thing which is unwanted for me, but I think might be okay for many sub guys, is for a dominant to perpetrate suffering just to satiate the desires of the sub, even if it’s BDSM-type suffering.  I have read comments by a published dominant woman author  that she gives fetish fulfillment (including whipping) to her sub man as a gift.  For me that really really defeats the purpose and fulfillment which is to suffer due to a dominant’s sadistic enjoyment.  Fortunately for me, my Princess is sadistic and enjoys making me suffer as can be seen in my blog entries.  She recently told me that she really enjoyed Catwoman as a kid, and enjoyed the idea of using a whip.  Lucky lucky me!

So what do those who are discussing with a new partner negotiate for this?  “I would like you to make me endure a lot of BDSM-type suffering” “Hmmm, okay, I like a bit of that, I will try to make you endure as much as I can.”  That sort of discussion seems strange to me.  I guess it goes back to consensual non-consent, how does a sub ask to be treated “non-consensually”?  If they ask that and then it occurs, that to me wouldn’t feel non-consensual at all.  I think that the answer is time.  If it is discussed and then much later something occurs (whether or not it closely resembles what was discussed), it could feel non-consensual.  On a recent Masocast, Lee Harrington described negotiating consensual non-consent with someone and then I think it was 5 months later that it occured, completely without any forewarning but it did fall within consent because that consent was given 5 months earlier including the long term nature of it (presumably there was a safe word, or maybe not).

That said, I do not advocate not discussing issues.  Communication is very important to avoid misunderstandings and flat out incorrect assumptions.  People aren’t mind-readers!

One other thing I will say about that Theory of Submissive Service is that if I were a Master (don’t laugh!!), then I would probably want a submissive who would be able to find primary joy at my joy, without the need for “maintenance” although I’m sure I would slip in a whole lot of sadism into the equation (oops, did I type that out loud?).

Who wouldn’t want to have a partner who experiences joy at your joy?  Just ask people on the street, hey how would you like it if your partner decided to focus almost all of their attention on doing everything you enjoy?  I’ll bet the answer would be me me me me from most everyone.

Okay, I’m on a bit of a stretch here, but I really think that a huge number of even vanilla people would react very favorably to that, if their partner were sincere in that.  That said, when someone reveals their BDSM submissive desires to a vanilla partner, they often aren’t truly saying that they only want to focus on the joy of their partner, they are also saying that they have kinky desires about it, or even if they are not saying that it is natural in my view for a vanilla to hear that at least at first.  So the reality is a lot more complicated than my hypothetical fantasy ideal of a partner truly wanting to focus making their partner’s life better through servitude.  And the reality is that it can be quite jarring for a vanilla to learn that their partner has kinky desires, depending upon the person (and the desires).

Maybe if a sub really did feel that they aspired to what is listed in the Theory of Submissive Service it would be a nice statement to give to their dominant, sort of like giving a holiday card, as long as it is sincere.

Feb 20, 2013 — Home

My Princess returned tonight from being out of town for a week.  Omg she’s bossing me around every minute.  It’s as if she hasn’t had a BDSM slave for a whole week!  I tried to tell her to find a BDSM slave where she was but she insists on going cold turkey without one.

Then when she gets home it’s set that over there, hang that up, rub my feet, spread the toes, get me this, get me that.  How did I get so lucky to have found the Princess of my dreams?  No, really.  I’ve been a slave without a Princess for a week to boss me around, so for me her attitude is like an oasis in the desert.  Great!

Nov 10, 2012 — Washing the kitchen floor

Yes, doesn’t that title get you all hot and bothered?  I mean, everyone is turned on by that, right?

Never having done that in my life, my dominant wife-Princess told me that after I started the laundry and finished vacuuming the kitchen and her bathroom, I needed to put on my French maid outfit and I would be getting on my hands and knees with a washcloth to wash every square of the kitchen floor.

I know I know, you are thinking like I thought, what on earth??!!!!  She couldn’t be serious, I mean hands and knees?!!

Where is my agent?!  What about the union representative?!!!

My Princess patiently showed me how to do it, so that I would make sure to rub each square carefully, and she even prepared a folded up towel for me to kneel on so I wouldn’t hurt my knees.

This old 49 year old body got down on the floor, yes I know you feel bad for me but what can I do?  I am a slave so I even had to do this.  I washed each square while on my hands and knees, getting up after every few squares to rinse and wring the washcloth.

Ok, I think y’all know I’m joking about my tone of writing.  I had never done this in my life but when Princess says jump I jump with a smile on my face and all of the complaining above is only for fun.  I’m sure that she was worried that this would make me grumpy or something so I repeatedly thanked her for letting me serve her and I meant every word.

And by joking around I mean no disrespect to anyone who does this sort of thing for a living or just as part of standard chores, or sissy maids who enjoy these sorts of activities.  It’s silly to make a big deal out of it, I am just making fun of my own naivete in this post.

It wasn’t so bad.  Yes it was difficult just crawling around and standing up a few dozen times, not to mention having to pay close attention to what I was doing, but my body could handle it.

I had an interesting thought process during it (well, interesting to me I mean).  As a slave I do not have (or want) a choice on what slave work I do.  However, every second there are choices related to how well I want to do the work.  That’s true for most every chore, right?  I mean, I could spend a half hour just making the bed if I wanted to get absolutely everything perfect about it.  I could have spent 5 hours washing the kitchen floor.  But of course extremes are not helpful to anyone (or not usually) so as a slave I choose how good of a job to do.  I always want to do at least what my Princess would want me to do but sometimes I do not fully live up to that.

In any case, I asked myself during the process how well I wanted to wash the kitchen floor.  As a non-consensual slave (that’s my fantasy, not reality, so it’s sort of a role-play I have in my mind sometimes) I would want to do as little as possible a) to save myself trouble and b) so my Princess would not want me to do this again.  Do a poor job and “they” don’t want you to do it again.  But there is another non-consensual factor, c) if I am caught in any way slacking off or missing a spot I’d get punished bigtime.  None of this has anything to do with the price of tea in China but it was a bit of a game I played in my head.  We do not even have a punishment dynamic so thoughts of that are purely role-play.

In reality, though, did I just want to do a minimal job?  I mean, this is my first time and if I miss some spots it’s not the end of the world and I could get back to playing computer games (or start, really, it’s been a busy day!).  But then a new thought occurred to me, if I did a poor job or even if I grunted and groaned (as is my usual wont when doing physical chores) then my Princess might take some pity on me and not have me do this again.

So I did the best job I reasonably could, though not taking more than an hour.

What?  I want to do that again?  I’m not a sissy maid.  Actually, I really enjoy seeing accounts from sissy maids because they just seem so happy doing their Mistress’ bidding in their cute French maid outfits and feather dusters.  However, that’s not me.  Or is it?  After all, I did a good job today and was very pleased when I received a couple of “good boy!” comments from my Princess.

I like to think of myself as no archetype sub such as sissy maid, but a combination of many.  Whenever I see a mindset or activity within BDSM it draws me to it.  Hmmm, I was going to say like a moth to a flame but that would mean I would burn.  So I will just say that I am emotionally drawn to most everything BDSM I see.  That is why my motto is “Whatever my Princess wants,” because I don’t have specific subby needs.  For clarification, I do have a lot of subby needs but they aren’t specific to one or a few archetypes or activities.

What about my Princess’ needs and desires?  I spend a whole lot of time referring to my own needs and desires but that’s very sub-centric when in reality my Princess’ needs and desires are just as if not more important than my own.  I tend to refer to my Princess’ feelings obliquely because it is not fair or my place to say how she feels and I don’t feel very comfortable representing anyone else’s views.

If I say that she very much enjoys what we do then that could seem like I’m delusional.  I certainly hope that I am not delusional and when I see the look on her face as, for example, just now as I was typing this she clapped her hands from the other room so I ran and she told me to fetch her blanket as she was lying on the couch, I just loved the look on her face as I put the blanket over her.  I sincerely thanked her for letting me serve her and she thanked me.  I do not have any reason to believe that I am delusional in thinking that she very much enjoys having me as a slave, and I have no reason to disbelieve her when she tells me that.

That is what makes me enjoy washing the kitchen floors.  Thank you Princess for letting me serve you.

Late afternoon addendum:  a nice afternoon capped off by “Sissy Love”!

Oct 17, 2012 – Submission vs being dominated

I saw a comment on a dominant woman’s FetLife profile a few days ago about understanding your own feelings about submission vs being dominated.  It resonated with me in helping me understand a basic framework for what I enjoy.  I interpreted her comment in that submission is initiated by the sub while being dominated is initiated by the dominant, and it made me think.

Before BDSM entered our lives about a year ago I enjoyed as a loving husband doing things of my own initiative for my wife, little things, big helpful things, etc.  I don’t claim to be all Mr. Attentive but I felt pleasure when I was able to initiate something to please my wife.  For any husbands out there who don’t enjoy that, try it out, but then again you are probably not reading a blog by a subby guy anyway.  It was a way for me to show I love her because something I initiate obviously comes from my heart.  We don’t do the whole tit-for-tat thing, I’ve never understood that dynamic, so just-do-something-nice-for-each-other is our approach.  Just a tiny example is when I would anticipate something she would want and I would bring it to her.

By contrast, I didn’t particularly enjoy when she would ask me to do something.  I didn’t dislike it, but she initiated it so I felt that my obedience … oops, wrong word since I am still referring to back when we were mostly vanilla … my agreement to do what she asked did not obviously come from my heart.  When she initiated it, I went out of my way to perform some task but didn’t get the boost of pleasure from obviously showing in my heart that I love her, so overall it was a “meh” experience.  Also, I lived alone for most of my life, my parents were mostly hands off (which worked great for me) and after I moved out at before I was 20 I lived alone until moving in with my wife in my early 30s.  And then to be asked to do things did not fit what I was used to at all.  I did not chafe at it, though.  By the way, I think my wife doesn’t even know (until she reads this) of my perspective on the issue because I never really thought about it much until I saw that dominant’s woman’s FetLife profile comment.

So when we were mostly vanilla, I far preferred initiating service, rather than being asked to serve.

But now, being my wife’s slave, my submission is the other way around for that issue.  I far prefer to be required to do something rather than to initiate it.  It’s much more exciting/kinky to be ordered around like a slave, even for mundane tasks.  That is because my kink is that I enjoy when my wife gets some sort of sadistic pleasure at my suffering, the more the better.  If I initiate something then I do not feel my wife’s sadistic pleasure, just her pleasure at being served.

I recognize, though, that dominants typically don’t want to order slaves around to do service, that’s a lot of work for the dominant when the slave should just do it, so service usually means that I initiate it. That is why, as I have mentioned on this blog before, I have a bit of a difficult time enjoying providing service.

Here is the cool thing for me, though.  I still enjoy initiating doing things for my wife, in the same way I did as a husband.  I still don’t go overboard with that as I am not Mr. Attentive (I am going to be patient with myself to improve in that), but being her slave I do try to think more often about what she would want.

Where does the husband pleasure end and the slave pleasure begin?  It doesn’t matter, except to try to understand myself, with the idea that slave pleasure is what turns me on while husband pleasure is just a nice feeling of showing love.  They are certainly intermixed but I do recognize a difference.  I don’t think I get much slave pleasure at initiating service.  And I am beginning to be okay with that.  Rather than trying to strive for slave pleasure in initiating service, I am just going to be glad to receive husband pleasure at initiating service because that is enough for me.  Bottom line is that my wife receives service.

What does my wife prefer, to dominate me or to receive submission?  To a large extent she feeds off my energy.  Which type of dynamic does she prefer?  I suspect that she enjoys both evenly.

Last night after she returned from being out of town for about a week (in which I had almost no slave pleasure or husband pleasure, so I doubly miss her nowadays when she is out of town), and in the evening after we had (euphemism alert) renewed acquaintances, I initiated a specific service task which is something I have done very little of before but what she has hinted at back when we were mostly vanilla.  I drove her car to the gas station to fill up the 1/3 full gas tank in her car.  This is a very minor service, plenty of vanilla people do this for their spouse, it’s just not something I would previously think of because I’m not Mr. Attentive.

My wife loved it along with other service I initiated last night and she told me that it made her feel like a Princess, which is how she often wants me to address her.  That made me feel good hearing her say that.  She likes the feeling of being my Princess.  I felt like a good slave.  And who wouldn’t enjoy their slave to initiate service?  If I had a slave I would certainly enjoy it lol (wait, who said that?).

However, my wife also enjoys initiating on her own.  Sometimes I will initiate something and she will say “No, I made you do that.”  We laugh because she is joking but she does seem to go out of her way to initiate my slavery.

She has always had a sadistic pixie streak (a little devil inside) in which she would like to pick on me but held back because, before BDSM entered our lives, I was not her sub.  I still liked being picked on by her but she definitely held back.  There is no holding her back now.  At any waking time of day or night she will pick on me with some sort of pain out of the blue and for no reason (slapping, CBT, pinching, biting, poking, spanking with her hand or some nearby implement, or whatever) or some sort of humiliating command I must obey.  Obviously, I love it, doesn’t every sub?  (Actually no, not at all, many subs do not enjoy being tormented whatsoever, but I digress.)

My wife also seems to enjoy commanding me in non-kinky ways, to get up and fetch something she legit wants, to go do a particular chore now, and so on.  Yes she enjoys when I initiate service but she also seems to enjoy commanding service, and I am glad for that.

Even though my wife commands service, we do not have a punishment dynamic to go along with that.  I have read comments on FetLife from a few others in which they must obey or else suffer a punishment and I enjoy reading about that dynamic.  But I just obey regardless, because I am my wife’s slave.  I don’t consider the consequences of disobeying, it just doesn’t enter my mind to disobey.

That said, I do disobey from time to time because I am not at all perfect despite my always obedient intentions.  Mostly it is due to memory or lack of attention to details.

Wait, did I just now associate the term lack of attention to details with myself?  Now that is strange for me, because I consider myself a recovering perfectionist.  I have made an effort over the past 25 years not to obsess too much over details, once I recognized that I would typically go overboard in that area.  I am still very detail-oriented and analytical, but now that I am having to do things I never did before, I find that I sometimes unfortunately neglect details.

For example, my wife likes her bed covers tucked in at the foot of the bed.  I don’t like this on my side of the bed at all and never paid any attention to doing it before.  But now in the past year that I am responsible for always making the bed (which is a very quick and easy task each morning), I need to make sure that her bed covers are tucked in the way she likes it.

After I finished the laundry this past weekend I made the bed and I informally measured how far to pull her covers so that I could tuck them in just the way she likes it.  I was proud of myself for remembering, even though it’s just a simple thing.  Then, when she got home she told me to lie on the bed face down.  I figured that she just wanted to play a bit (and I was right) but then she asked me if I forgot something while making the bed.  With the paddle in her hand I quickly and fearfully said that I made it just the way she likes it but then she flipped up the bed cover, shoved it in my face, and said that it wasn’t tucked in.  I have visions of “no wire coat hangers!”  Damn!  How could I forget to tuck in the covers?!  Whack whack whack yell-in-pain whack beg-and-squirm whack etc.  I had 3 days to notice it but I missed it.  Idiot slave.

Later in the evening my wife was showing me something on FetLife and I was standing behind her.  I sometimes get a bit eager puppy-like when she and I talk about BDSM and I interrupted her so she raised her voice a bit (something she rarely does), pointed to the floor on the side of her chair, and told me “Sit!  And shut up until I tell you to talk!”  I know that my place in her room is to sit on the floor – the cold hard floor, by the way – and not to stand there like a free person but I guess after a week of not really feeling like her slave when she was out of town, my slave skillz deteriorate.  Obediently, I sat on the floor and pursed my lips together.  She talked more about what she was looking at on FetLife and just 30 seconds later I said something clarifying an issue.  In other words, I opened my big fat mouth despite a direct command not to.  I couldn’t even think of even the tiniest excuse.

My wife immediately gave me a wide-eyed “I can’t believe you did that, you are screwed!” look and I tightly pressed my lips together but it was too late.  She grabbed a nearby pair of solid metal pliers and told me to stick my lips out like Angelina Jolie, and then she clamped my lips together while she held the pliers.  She was not gentle and it hurt quite a bit to feel the metal of the pliers clamp on the flesh of both of my lips.  My wife kept hold of the pliers and said “That’ll make you shut up” as she continued to tell me about what she was looking at on FetLife.  With my mouth closed I could not yell in pain so I just whimpered or groaned while making sure to keep my hands away from trying to pry the pliers off my lips.  I am glad that I couldn’t yell because my wife wanted me to shut up so she could tell me about the FetLife issue.

My wife removed the pliers after about a minute (or probably only a half-minute, I whimper rather pitifully sometimes) and you can bet your last dollar that I zipped up my mouth tight until a couple of minutes later when she told me that I was to speak.  She was looking at a very long and detailed set of male slave protocols from a dominant woman’s profile I had sent to her (at her request after I mentioned the article while we were talking on the phone a few days ago) and one of the main protocols was “Obey” in bold letters.  I told her I like that protocol and she said “Oh really, I can’t tell?”  I thought she was just joking, like saying “Of course you love to obey, silly” but what she meant was that I was disobedient.  Moi?  No way!  I obey!

She pointed out, though, that I do disobey such as opening my mouth just minutes ago.  Oops, she had me there, dead in my tracks.  And I remembered about the bed covers, and I know that I fail to obey many other times.  I bowed my head in shame and acknowledgment of my shortcomings.  To help my understanding of how disobedient I am, or just because her inner little devil showed up, my wife grabbed the pliers again and with careful aim clamped them on one of my nipples, making sure not to grab the flesh around the nipple because that wouldn’t be as painful (“thank you Princess”, slave intones).  With my mouth unencumbered I yelled in pain, loud, though I covered my mouth with my hand so I wouldn’t hurt my wife’s ears.  “I promise to be a good slave!”  “You better!”

So we don’t have a punishment dynamic, but we do have a funishment dynamic.  And I love it, every little horrifying bit of it lol.  And my wife loves it because she can pick on me all she wants without feeling any guilt whatsoever, even when I am earnestly and honestly begging with puppy-dog eyes.  Later in the night, after inflicting some minor random 5-second torture or another on me, she told me that we had a lot of picking on to get caught up on.  My begging puppy-dog eyes turned into moon eyes of love.

I wonder what a punishment dynamic would look like in our relationship.  It would be very difficult because, and feel free to sing along here as I bring up my usual refrain, I love anything sadistic my wife does to me or has me do (other than hard limits).  I’m a glutton for her “punishment,” whether physical or mental.  I particularly love when my wife does things to me which I otherwise dislike.  Contradictory, but true.  There are plenty of things my wife could do to me that I would legit dislike (and she has done many of those types of things to me) and that I would actively try to avoid, but I would still love it because I would feel victimized.

I have read on FetLife that many dominants who use punishment like to take a painful activity and make it un-fun for the sub, such as not giving warm-up during a spanking or using a torture toy in a different way from when it is used during play.  But I love anything sadistic my wife does to me or has me do (other than hard limits) so I don’t know what would work as punishment.  My wife could go past my limit such as whacking me so hard and so much that I would just have to safe word but that wouldn’t seem to work, either, because it’d be like play (albeit I have only safe worded thrice so far in the past year).

What about not having a safe word at all during corporal punishment?  I have read about many who have this dynamic.  I don’t know what to think about it.  I am not a pain slut so it probably wouldn’t take all that much extremely hard whacking for me to try to tap out, but I don’t know what would happen if I were pushed past a safe word and not allowed to utter it (I know that this is fantasy land for some masochists but not for me, well maybe it is but in reality I don’t desire it).  I really don’t know how I feel about that but it doesn’t really matter because I am almost certain that my wife would not want that in any case.  Punishment isn’t meant to be fun for either participant and if it isn’t fun then my wife wouldn’t be motivated to have that dynamic.

So I don’t think a true punishment dynamic would work.  I am never disobedient to a level which legit angers my wife or makes her think that a true punishment is needed, so I think we are fine without a punishment dynamic, albeit the idea of it is hot.

Fortunately, funishment seems to work on me.  I don’t enjoy pain for its own sake so when I am feeling the pain or even the humiliation, if done well with lecturing etc. it can really drive the point home of whatever my wife is trying to funish me for.  It is too early to say the long or even medium term effects of the funishment my wife has applied to me in the past several months, but at least short term it seems to work so far (she might disagree lol).

I am not sure about random inadvertent disobedience, though.  What do others do about that?  If I am funished for speaking when not allowed to, for example, I think that would work short term to correct my behavior on that specific issue but what about the bazillion other little potential obedience issues?  I guess a dominant can funish for every little transgression, but that seems to be a lot of work for the dominant.  Although, I guess if it’s funishment then it would be fun work.

I suppose that some dominants use obedience training techniques for general obedience or work on specific tasks of obedience to focus on.  That seems rather advanced for us, we are rather new to BDSM and I don’t know much about this topic which is probably best reserved for dominants who might be in position to take advantage of the knowledge.

I have mentioned speech restrictions and I admit that it was really hot to not be allowed to speak.  I talk a lot (what a surprise lol) so to have to hold my tongue is not easy for me, and it seems like a violation of decency not to be allowed to speak (“violation of decency” = hot).

The slave protocols I mentioned earlier in this post list detailed speech restrictions for the slave.  However, my wife doesn’t at all like me to be silent because she loves when we talk so I don’t want to give the misleading impression that speech restriction is anything we do, it was just this one time last night.

On a separate topic, one thing I have noticed is that lately when I am motivated to write (which is at least a few times each day) I have been focusing much more on private messages with friends, blog posts, or FetLife group posts, rather than on my fictional stories.  It is much easier, of course, to write non-fiction or about my own thoughts than it is to write fiction, and it is very interesting to read the thoughts of others.  More importantly, writing non-fiction gives me a double dose of pleasure in not only being allowed to share my thoughts with others who might be reading this (thank you for reading this!) but also in focusing on pleasant memories.

Consequently, progress on my next fictional story has been very slow lately.  I consider my stories to be the most unique portion of my web site because there are a bazillion BDSM blogs out there (interestingly, each with their own slant and I enjoy reading several other BDSM blogs) and while there are many thousands of free fictional BDSM stories (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com is my favorite place for that) most of them are either short or focus on aspects of BDSM which are different from what I focus on in the stories I write.  All writers have their own style and what they focus on, which is great because it means more variety for readers.

In any case, I want to focus more on finishing my latest fictional story of Financial Domination because it feels good to complete and post a new story, and I want to get to the climax of the story.

I have an idea for a new story about a man who is an abusive molester, frequently pretending to be into BDSM and consensually tying up women and tormenting them, but always taking them past the safe word into abuse, especially women who are new to BDSM and may not recognize an abuser.  I will not go into any detail about that within the story because my site is about male submission and the thought of a woman being hurt is not easy for me or something I want to write about, I will simply mention his proclivities to set up his character (or lack thereof).  This man will meet a woman who turns the tables on him and he will really get what he has coming to him, eye for an eye style.  I usually write about male subs and victims I can identify with but not in this case, my sadistic side is going to really come out with this one and there may even be some unsafe and non-sane activities.  I anticipate the woman going too far, but then most of the dominants in my story go too far.

Hopefully my wife doesn’t get any ideas from that story!

Aug 27, 2012 — Submissive personality

This is a www.submissiveguide.com blog hop challenge entry (albeit two days too late).

“What is your submissive personality?”

“Are you a quiet obedient submissive or is there an element of playful brattiness in your dynamic? How would you describe your submissive personality? How does your owner encourage or enhance who you are?”

I am not quiet but I am obedient and not bratty (my dominant wife is not here at the moment so I do not hear any heckling lol).  When my wife tells me to do something, I either fully endeavor to obey or if I have a question then I will ask, and on very rare occasions the time comes to obey and I find that circumstances are not what my wife expects and I make a decision.  But I never just say no or pretend to say yes but don’t mean it.

I wish I could remember the one recent incident in which my wife told me to do something but when it was time to do it I did something different.  I told my wife about it later, of course, and she agreed that I made the right decision.

That brings me to by far the biggest difficulty I have with obeying:  my memory.  For the past dozen or so years if I don’t write something down or have some method of remembering, chances are unfortunately good that I will forget.  “Close the sliding glass door when you come to bed” and then five minutes later it just escapes my brain.

One time I forgot to turn off a small outside light which we can’t see from the inside.  I rarely turn it on but I did turn it on one night for some reason.  The next day when I returned from work my wife bent me over for some funishment and before beginning asked me what happened last night.  To my surprise, I pieced it together and the light bulb went on in my head (to match the outdoor light, I suppose) on what I had forgotten.  That’s when my behind got paddled.

If you have ever read this blog you know that being paddled is no punishment but it is good funishment.  But then my wife guided me to stand in the corner next to the front door and stare at the light switch I had forgotten to use.  I literally stood in the corner staring for about 45 minutes.  Fortunately, my wife walked by every now and then to paddle me a few times, pinch me, or otherwise humiliate me (“I bet you won’t leave the light on again, will you?”).

I blogged about the corner time a few months ago and remember the feeling of confinement, my wife was just walking all over the house like the universe was her oyster and there I was with my universe just that little bit of floor I stood on and the light switch I had to stare at.  Ok, I admit that I enjoyed the corner time.  What can I say, I am a glutton for punishment (and unlike when vanillas say that in jest, I mean it!).

Anywhore, since that time I never turn that light switch on again and sometimes when I walk past it I look at it.  I guess it wouldn’t take much to truly condition me lol.

Okay, that was more long-winded than I had planned.  How do I describe my submissive personality?  I obey but I do not fawn, crawl, or cower (unless my wife tells me to); I suspect that’s true for a large majority of subs but the stereotype of some male subs is that they cower.  That’s not to say that I would not enjoy cowering, but it would be role-playing and my wife wouldn’t enjoy that except times she tells me to crawl.

Something I do, though, which I want to improve on is that I “talk back” to my wife.  When she gives me an order I often ask for clarification and this is a good thing.  But sometimes my asking for clarification goes too far and presents an attitude that I would like to deflect the order into something more palatable.  I am working on the issue.  I want my wife to be able to smoothly give me orders without me talking back unless needed.

“How does your owner encourage or enhance who you are?”  My wife and I fit well into the D/s dynamic.  She has always (even before D/s entered our lives less than a year ago) enjoyed getting her way and telling me what to do, and now she doesn’t even have to ask or worry about me saying no or whining, she just tells me and she can count on me to do it (as long as I understand it lol).

My wife has always enhanced who I am for the entirety of our 15+ year marriage.  I hope those who read my blog, my FetLife profile (ted_subby), and most of my FetLife posts can tell that I love my wife very much and monogamously forever.

Aug 14, 2012 – Permission

In a recent enjoyable The Submissive Guide article about subs having other subs as friends http://www.submissiveguide.com/2012/08/supportive-relationships-between-submissives/, it was mentioned that one should be careful about bragging about a relationship.  It only makes one sub feel worse when another sub brags about how great their relationship is, if the first sub is having difficulties.  Or at least that’s my take on it.  I agree with that.

On the other hand, I enjoy reading how great someone else’s relationship is, even if I am going through a somewhat rough patch at the moment (most everyone goes through a rough patch from time to time).  It just makes me feel good reading about others’ situations, whether through a private message, a blog, article, or whatever.  However, if I were having great difficulties such as being without a partner for a long period of time, then I might not feel so good about everyone else having such an apparently good time; that’s too hypothetical for me to know how I would feel, though.

Also, reading about others situations and views is a learning experience for me, especially being relatively new to experiencing BDSM myself.

So on my blog I tend to err on the side of bragging because I want to share my joy with the world.

But hopefully we realize that when most people write about their relationship, they are usually listing only the highlights and fun parts.  In my case, I am not going to write about boring or difficult parts – unless there is an issue which could use some examining in a writing – because those are not fun to write.  How fun would it be to write or to read “Today I forgot to do my morning push ups but made up for it in the afternoon, then I broke ice into my wife’s ice bag in the freezer and loaded more water in the tray”?… I am bored just writing that now!  Also, how fun would it be to write “My wife and I are having difficulty with xxx and yyy”?  Not very.  We talk with each other about difficulties but I won’t bring those up in a blog.

I know that there are some blogs which go into detail about difficulties in a relationship (in one recently a sub woman is going through a very difficult loss of D/s in her marriage and it hurts me just to read about her situation) and that can be very helpful for people to see potential pitfalls.  My blog is not that way, though.

One other factor is different strokes for different folks.  Someone could “brag” about how wonderful their situation is but it might not be anything close to what I want.  For example, if a sub woman tells me how wonderful her Master is, that He never scolds or punishes her, He hugs and cuddles her frequently, He never ever humiliates or hurts her, etc. I would say “That is great, I am very happy for you.”  But that is not the type of relationship I want!  Ok, I like the frequent hugging and cuddling my wife and I do but He gives her no pain or humiliation?  Count me out! Lol

So please go ahead and “brag” away.  I love to read about it!

Even with all of that said, though, I do try to avoid a tone of bragging.  Even if the reality of the moment were perfect whips and rainbows, I never state that my situation is objectively better than other situations.  Everyone enjoys different things.  Also, the reality of my moments are rarely perfect whips and rainbows, there are far too many real-life situations which get in the way for that to be the case.  I guess what I am saying is that I hope my blog posts don’t come off as bragging, though I am worried that some of them probably do because I tend to write about the fun experiences my wife and I have.

(Oblivious to the irony of this transition, I will go on.)  My wife has been continuing to slowly ramp up her control over me, as I have written about in recent blog posts.  There are just so many little ways that I can’t possibly remember them all at one time.  Maybe I should make a list?  Well, maybe some other time.

Just one example was last night when I was playing a fun computer game (Driver San Francisco, not at all my usual type of game but it’s fun so far) and my wife walked in and said “Did I give you permission to play that game?”

What?

Well, she jokes from time to time about giving permission.  “Did I give you permission to breathe?” etc.  However, I no longer take anything she says for granted as a joke.  After I laugh I ask if she was serious because, well, she is my Master (yes that is the term she likes) and Princess and I do not want to disobey her just because I misunderstood.  So I sort of asked if I actually did need permission and to my surprise she said yes.

What?  I said “What do you mean?” and she replied “You need to ask my permission before any time you play that game.”  I was somewhat dumbfounded and I’m sure my wife loved causing that look on my face.  I asked and she clarified that if she is not home then I may play but otherwise I must ask.

Not to make a big deal of this but I have to ask permission now to do something I enjoy.  What am I, a slave?!  Oh, yeah, I am.

Last night when, as I have to do every night after I tuck my wife into our bed, I begged on my knees to be allowed to sleep in the bed, she said yes as she almost always does but she then said that she might re-think that and have me sleep again on the carpet over a hard floor.  I’m pretty sure I blogged about that experience a couple of months ago, it was hell.  A 49 year-old man just trying to lie on the floor is pain enough but to try to sleep?  Fuhgetaboutit.  The thing is, I can’t even offer “Please don’t make me do that, I’ll do whatever you want” because her response is always “I know you will” which happens to be the truth.  It’s impossible to bargain from a position of zero power.

Earlier in the evening my wife out of the blue had me stop playing the computer game and lie on the hard floor flat on my stomach with my arms stretched out like a T.  (I think if I keep using the term “hard floor” I might get more sympathy? lol)  Then she resumed watching her TV show.  There was no reason for me to be on the floor other than for her amusement at my humiliation.  It was only several minutes but I turned my head to look up at her as she was watching TV and I felt very … what is the word … second-class, inferior, controlled, humiliated, servile, “whipped”.  There my wife was, looking very comfortable stretched out on the couch, while I was struggling to breathe with my chest crushed against the hard floor and my elbows starting to hurt from contact with the hard floor, solely for her amusement because she said so.  Would someone please call me a waaambulance already?

It was the same feeling I had one time when my wife made me stand in the corner for about a half hour a couple of months ago.  I think I blogged about it then.  There she was walking around all free, the world was her oyster.  But my universe was reduced to just where I stood.  No computer game, no comfort of sitting, no nothing.

Well, enough pity party.  I’m sure there’s a chore somewhere I need to finish (oops, had to get out one more pity party statement lol).

Disclaimer:  everything in every post of my blog is the truth except for the misleading tone in the above.  Please interpret all complaining as joyous celebration instead.  No, really!! 🙂

Aug 5, 2012 — Slave or not

As a follow-up to my earlier post from today, my wife confirmed that I have not said no.  However, that is because she knows what would be going too far and she just doesn’t ask or tell me to do those things (I include “ask” because we do not consider ourselves to be in a 24/7 D/s dynamic).

And this is not even about limits.  It is about us being happy.  My wife knows that for some things she might like if she were to make me do those things — and they are within our limits — I would be rather miserable and so she would not enjoy it.  Perhaps she could make me do those things (she believes that I actually would say no, I honestly don’t know how I would react) but she wouldn’t enjoy it because I would probably be rather miserable.  So she doesn’t ask or tell me to do those things.

We discussed this morning how that is true for most property or tools.  You wouldn’t use a screw driver to wash the dishes.  I think I brought up that sort of analogy to make myself feel better but the reality is that I am a rather limited tool, and that’s unfortunate because I would like to be a slave but I guess I have a ways to go or maybe I will just need to be what I am, whatever that is.

Today was an example.  When I was a small kid (4-6 years old) my mother used to take me to clothing department stores and I remember just hating the utter boredom of waiting for her to finish.  I think that’s where I perfected my whining.

To this day I don’t like shopping unless it’s from a list and it’s bing-bang-boom let’s get the stuff and leave.  Today my wife and I went grocery shopping from a list and it was not a problem (grocery shopping is never really a problem at all), I actually have fun whispering sweet nothings into her ear such as when I was grabbing bran muffins from a pullout shelf she told me to pull it out and I later told her that she should be careful the commands she gives me in public lol.  Or whispering a question into her ear about whether she would like me to get on the floor and kiss her toes in the store (we would never ever ever do that in front of non-consenting people so it’s just talk).

Anywhore (I learned this word recently from a friend of mine), when we got home my wife told me that she was going to Nordstroms and she said that she almost made me go but knew that I would be absolutely miserable so she would go alone.  This is an example of where she would love to have me go, and probably love the power trip of being able to force me to go, but not if I would be miserable, which I would be (and doubly miserable because weekend time seems to just slip away).  So I sincerely thanked her for not making me go.

What would I have done if she said we would go?  Well, I almost was faced with that so I had to address it in my mind.  Coming home from the grocery store we went a slightly different way and I felt like it probably meant that we would stop at the Lowe’s hardware store on the way back.  That would have meant 20-30 minutes of waiting in the car for me (or worse, having to go in and try to seem like I wasn’t miserable moping around).  So, based upon this post which I began early this morning, I asked myself what should I do?  My answer was that I would obey.  I would ask for mercy and possibly, though hopefully not, point out that I would be miserable (in case she wouldn’t be aware of it) but I would certainly have obeyed.

Patting myself on the back for obeying?  I guess so.  Even though it’s a very minor issue because there are a lot worse things she could make me do.  But I guess I needed a small victory.

My point is that these limits in what I can “handle” (even though I would obey) make my wife feel that they are actual limits.  Consequently, that minimizes how much of a slave I am in both of our minds.  It is what it is and the D/s in our marriage is young, so as I say in many other posts we will see how it goes.

What would it take for me to be blissful or at least not miserable in being made to go to Nordstroms?  Probably many more hours of torture and humiliation each week.  Sort of ironic.

I like to eat an apple most every day, not because I like fruit (I don’t particularly) but because it keeps the doctor away etc.  On the drive home from the store I mentioned to my wife that I should eat my daily apple when I get home and she said “Eat a peach instead.”  She is great, better and better, with simply commanding me and not playing Jeopardy by putting it in the form of a question.  I love it.

I hesitated just a fraction of a second before I said “Yes Princess” … and she burst out laughing.  She said she saw the slight turn of the side of my mouth that I wanted to offer some rebuttal or talk balk, but I thought better of it and submitted.  I guess someday I will not even have that hesitation and will just obey right away, but I’m not there yet.  At least I have my obedience down to a fraction of a second lol.

Aug 5, 2012 — Sub or slave

On FetLife the issue of word definitions are discussed frequently.  I am not much into labels at all because every relationship is different and labels do not adequately capture that but the ideas behind the labels are sometimes interesting.

On http://www.teramis.com/kink/subvslave.htm I see the following statements:  <<A submissive renews the choice to submit every time a demand is levied about hir.  A slave makes a one-time choice to submit, up front, and thereafter is incumbent upon hir to obey….  A slave commits to obey.  A “no” becomes a dealbreaker in a way it can never be for a submissive.>>

People can certainly quibble about whether this applies at all and I don’t really care much about the labels themselves but this statement got me thinking.

I like to call myself a slave mostly because if feels right for me, without any basis for history or correct definitions.  However, when I read this statement I definitely would like to be a slave and in my situation with my wife I believe that I am more of a slave than a sub.

To think about the last sentence in the statement I quoted, what if my wife gave me a command which was clearly within the limits we discussed, was not out of bounds in some way (such as something maybe I hadn’t considered when we discuss our limits), and I just said no?  What would happen?

To answer that question, I would have to think about why on earth I would say no.

Sometimes my wife tells me to do something but she does not have all of the information which goes into the decision for me to do what she said.  She is not a mind reader.  For example, if she told me that she was going to funish/beat me for something which I actually did not do, then I would clarify the situation … and then she would almost certainly beat me anyway.  In cases where in my view my wife does not have all of the information I usually speak up, risking disobedience but aiming to please.  In that case I don’t say no, I just provide some information and then I obey whatever she decides.

What if she tells me to do something I really don’t want to do?  I’m thinking back to several weeks ago the hours of chores one weekend.  I either do it, or maybe I try to ask for some reprieve or mercy, but I do it.

In the several months since D/s has entered our lives, I can’t think of a single time that I have said no.  I don’t think I have even considered it.  Princess, when you read this post please correct me if I am wrong and if you can think of a time when I said no or flat disobeyed.  And before D/s entered our lives doesn’t count, I said no plenty of times then lol.  Incidentally, my wife really likes me never saying no again, I like it too.

But what if I did say no?  Taking an example, what if I just didn’t want to wash the dishes after dinner because I was tired and just said no to that standard task I complete?  That just won’t happen because if the situation were extreme then I might ask her for a favor that night and then I would still wash the dishes if she told me to, but what if I did say no?

Then I would not just be saying no to that command.  I would be saying basically “I do not want to be your slave” and if I wanted to later regain my cherished slave-hood then we would have to talk about the situation.  Not only would my saying no undermine her confidence in my slave-hood but it would just be strange.

So does that help qualify me as a slave based upon the statement I quoted?  Too early to say, since the D/s in our relationship is still developing.  I feel more confident, though, that I want to be her slave, whether or not I actually am.

Regardless, none of this would adversely affect our 15+ year marriage.  That will be the most cherished part of our lives until the day we die, regardless of BDSM.

Another part of that article I quoted indicates that slaves tend to have fewer (or no) limits compared to subs.  I wrote about limits in my last blog post and unfortunately I have more limits than I would like to have.  As I mentioned, though, maybe someday some or all of those limits can be removed from the “list” since I trust my wife to not want me to go beyond those limits anyway so there would be no need for them to be in place specifically as limits.  For example, I know that my wife wouldn’t want me to run through whirling knives so there is no need to list that as a limit.

What about you?  Do you consider yourself or your partner a sub or slave?  Would you or your partner ever even consider just saying no?