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Synopsis:† A young woman likes to dominate guys over webcam.† Codes = F/m, torture, humiliation, consensual.
Note:† This is an unfinished story.
Copyright © Ted Underfoot
This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc/2.5/ or send a letter to:
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San Francisco, California 94105
I love internet chat rooms.† I decided to keep this journal of my experiences because someday I might get swept off my feet into a life of love in the real world lol and have to give up my chat room exploits.
I am not one to get swept off my feet by anything.† I go to clubs and parties a couple of times a week and find submissive guys to torture and beat up, consensually of course, and come home to pleasure myself.† The paychecks from the clubs are nice but I would love a sugar daddy I could dominate 24/7.† Then again who wouldnít?
The chat rooms are not much of a substitute on off nights but they are still fun.† Itís easy to find a guy to connect with on webcam and have him do all sorts of things to himself.† I try to pick and choose good looking guys who are close to my age 29 or younger and hopefully with a brain because thatís a lot more fun.† I try not to get too carried away with my online sadism because I am not actually cruel and care about the guys having a good time, but still we get kind of wild on the cam as some guys have some pretty extreme fetishes.
I thought about setting up an account to charge for the webcam but I wouldnít feel right about that.† I may change my tune and Iím still thinking about it but right now Iím going to just keep it free so I can feel comfortable being very discerning in the guys I connect with.
Tuesday, not much to journal about from tonightís chat.† I met a couple of guys Ė separately, I never go for three-ways if I can help it Ė and forced each to torture himself but it wasnít anything unusual.† I did like the guy who I had put clothespins on the end of his dick, he was cute.
Wednesday, I am going to consolidate this journal entry with last nightís above because it wasnít much fun tonight.
This one guy was a big fake.† When we connected on the cam he gave me control of the electricity on his butt plug.
Not to go on a tangent but I like that a lot.† There are devices which can be controlled over the internet and I love those.
Anyway, this guy gave me control but as soon as I had him insert the plug into his ugly ass and I initiated the zap a couple of times he safe worded!† I donít mind playing with guys who are sensitive, or wimps if thatís the case, but when they puff themselves up to be this great submissive who can take anything they better at least be able to take something.† I meet a lot of guys who talk a good game and I donít mind dialing down the sadism a bit when the guy gets close to his limit but this guy tonight took the cake.† What a waste of an hour getting to know him and all of that.† I almost didnít meet him because he just wasnít my type but the remote electric butt plug is one of my favorite toys.
Being a nice lady I tried something else he mentioned he liked which was to masturbate on cam but he was already freaked out and just said goodbye.† No apology or anything, not even by e-mail.
Oh well, the other two guys I met online tonight were okay.† Tomorrow night is club night so I can shake off a bad night like tonight.
Friday, tonight was interesting.† Iím not sure if I can put it into words.
The first three guys I hooked up with were okay, nothing special.† I donít get how guys can take ginger root rubbed inside their ass.† One time I rubbed a bit of ginger root on my butt, not even inside, and it stung.† To think of it inside my ass, well letís just say Iím glad Iím a dominant and not a submissive.† Anyway, it was fun talking with this guy for about 20 minutes as his face went from pain to agony and crying due to rubbing some ginger inside of his ass at my command at the start of our cam.† Somehow he kept up the conversation the entire time.
The next guy wanted me to command him to slap his own face.† That really didnít work because impact is just not the same when you do it to yourself.† Iíve tried.† Itís sort of like tickling yourself.† He did let me give him a nice tease and denial session as I had him masturbate but then stop when about to cum and after doing that 3 times I told him not to cum until 2 nights from now.† I never know if they obey such a command but itís fun to pretend to have that control.
The third guy was more of the standard clothespins on the nipples and crawling on the floor at my command kind of guy.† The fun I have with that is mostly in seeing good looking guys naked and doing my bidding rather than seeing someone in pain so itís more about the guyís looks and personality.† He was okay.
I was going to end for the night but the second guy left me with a bad taste in my mouth and to be honest I was feeling more horny than usual so I decided to stick around for a fourth guy tonight.† It was quieter later but I figured I might get lucky and find a gem.† I didnít find a gem but it was interesting.
In one of the main chat rooms I was in a guy seemed to be trying to flirt with the ladies in the room which is usually my sign to swoop in, if I find his chatting to be attractive.† His flirting seemed to be more about romance than sex, which was unusual for the chat rooms I go to, and that intrigued me.† I usually spend I donít know 15 minutes or something just chatting with a guy in a public room before we go private and then another 15 with private chat before I go on cam, just because I like to be cautious. †Once weíre on cam I like to go all the way for whatever weíve agreed on so I donít seem rude.
When I asked this fourth guy what he was into, in my usual roundabout and flirty way so that they can feel comfortable telling me, he seemed to be evading as if maybe he was ashamed.† Believe me I have met dozens of guys who are ashamed of the submissive stuff they enjoy and I think I have a good knack for getting them to bust through their inhibitions but this guy was different, it turns out that he was not ashamed, he just felt as though it would not make for a good long distance play session.
In retrospect I think he was concerned about his age.† I donít usually play with guys over 30 but sometimes I make an exception.† This guy said he was 44 years old.† Thatís really old and I canít say that I have never played with a guy that old, not even counting all of the millions of times guys lie about their age, but I worry that they can even get their dick to respond at that age and not getting a response is really a big turnoff for me.
Speaking of which, I said that I donít like to cut off a cam session but if a guy lies about his age by more than 10 years then I call him on it and will just say goodbye right there.† I donít have a hair fetish or anything but if a guy says he is 30 years old and he ends up being 40 and balding not to mention overweight, thatís usually my sign to go away.
Anyway, 44 years old and with interests not good for a cam is not my idea of a fun time but he seemed like a nice guy so I private chatted with him for a while.† It was strange not to be leading up to a cam session and we werenít even chatting about sex stuff.† It was nice but difficult to even say what we chatted about.
It occurs to me now that I wonder why he was chatting with me in the first place.† Did he get his kicks by just chatting with random 29 year old women he couldnít see?† I guess thatís fine, I donít mind that he was old if itís just going to be chat and no cam.
Sunday, tonight was great.† The first guy I met with was a former marine who was big as a house, not fat but just built like a truck.† He seemed to be in love with his body as he kept flexing once we connected on the cam.† He seemed about as alpha as you can get and took great pride in how macho he was.
Well, of course I had to take him down a peg or three!† He took the clothespins on the nipples okay but I donít think he realized how painful it could be and I wouldnít let him take them off until he agreed to do anything I said.† He almost didnít agree but the pain was too much for his poor little self.† Men can be such babies when it comes to pain and I love that.
Once he agreed to be my slave I had him put both of the clothespins back on.† I never said I wouldnít keep torturing him hehe.† And then I forced him to talk baby talk.
Iíve never heard of a dominant forcing a sub to talk baby talk unless itís part of an age scene with diapers or whatever but it just came to mind that it would be amazing to see this hulk of a macho man reduced to talking like a baby. †I laughed at him and trash-talked him fierce, then I told him to use a dildo on himself as this is what he had really wanted, except that I made him wiggle and push the dildo inside while he was talking like a baby and suffering from the clothespins.† He was legit crying after several minutes and I just continued to rub it in his face what a baby wimp he was.† I finally let him stop and told him what a wimp he was as we were disconnecting.† My vibrator had a lot of fun with that guy!† Iíll be surprised if I ever see him again in the chat rooms but you never know.
I was worn out from Mr. Macho so I took a break.† When I returned I met a few guys and hooked up with one of them who seemed like heíd give me a good time.† It usually takes me chatting initially with a few guys before I find my mark.† I shouldnít say guys are marks because Iím not even charging them anything for the sessions (maybe I should start doing that, I keep thinking about it from time to time) but they are marks because I am using them for my own good time.† Iím exaggerating, I try to make sure the guys have a good time too.
Anyway, the second guy I connected with tonight was one of those who find ways to tell you how successful they are.† For most of the brief discussion topics he found a way to make sure I understood how great of a career he had and while he was not rich he was very comfortable with money blah blah.† As if they are going to win me over with their money.† Well, to be honest, they probably could but Iím not a whore unless itís someone who would set me up for life.† The whole sugar daddy thing.† Thatís not going to happen so I donít care about someone impressing me with money.
I dominated this guy the way he liked it and then I told him to get a 20 dollar bill.† I like to go way off script, not that thereís really ever a script.† Then I berated him for being a fake and really just a poor loser with almost no money to his name.† I told him to prove that he is not a fake by burning the 20 dollar bill.† He tried to talk back to me but I shouted him down and pretended to get angry but he still refused to obey until I started taunting him about how much of a fake he is, how small his dick is (it was small so I wasnít lying), and how almost every man I meet is more of a man than this guy will ever be.† Finally he burned the 20 dollar bill and I laughed in his face, probably even for longer than the baby talk guy earlier tonight.
This guy was legit angry and I could tell that he wanted to just end the cam but I kept taunting him and I could tell that he was enjoying it because he stayed online and got this look on his face.
Ok, if I ever go back and read these journals Iím probably going to get lost on all of the tangents but I just wanted to mention that there is a look which many submissive guys get on their face when Iím pushing the right buttons.† Not all guys get this look but itís fun to watch a guyís face kind of relax and I can tell that they are in their little subspace zone and they get like putty in my hands.
This guy tonight finally got into his subspace and became meek once I taunted him past anger.† Subspace ended up being costly because I made him burn 3 more 20 dollar bills.† Poor guy was crying for the last 2 so I had some mercy and told him to work another week to save up to meet me again online sometime.
I have never laughed so hard at both of these guys.† Tonight was just great and I wish I could have such a good connection every night.
I was sort of floating on a cloud after these two great encounters and decided to just do some light flirting in the chat room instead of trying to connect with someone.
That 44 year old guy was in the room again and messaged me directly.† It was his same nice guy chat and normally I would have been totally bored with it just after a few seconds but I was feeling good and was glad to have something much more relaxed than the usual flirting and come-ons.
He hit me at the right time because I told him some about the other guys I had met earlier tonight.† It was as if I was telling a friend about my day and because it was such a good day I enjoyed just telling him about it.† He kept telling me how appreciative he was that I was telling him these things and I guess he probably rubbed one out at my talk of dominating other guys because I canít think of another reason why he would want to chat with me.
He must have been done masturbating because he didnít try to keep me chatting once I told him I had to go.† I didnít mean to be chatting with him for more than a few minutes but it turns out that we chatted for over a half hour.† I canít even remember what we chatted about other than my encounters from earlier in the evening but I did feel good just chatting.
Monday, I decided to enter into my journal this morning before I go to the Bank, did I say how much I hate being a teller?† Fuck itís tough being nice to idiots and jerks all day.† To be fair, many of the customers are nice but I donít want to hear stories about their stupid dog or whatever, especially when we have others in line.† Damn this isnít what I want to write about.
I think I misjudged the 44 year old guy.† Iím so used to guys on the chat rooms being there for one thing and that is to get their rocks off but this guy was probably just trying to be my friend.† I guess thatís it for now, I have to get ready for work.
Tonight I had a swing of emotions and I needed to quit the chat rooms early so I can try to understand what happened.† All day I could have been having sweet fantasies remembering the two great cam sessions I had last night but instead I kept thinking about the 44 year old guy.† He wasnít just trying to be my friend, he was living vicariously through me and getting his jollies when I told him about my encounters.† It was as though he was a voyeur.
I donít want some disgusting fat old pervert getting his kicks by pretending to be friendly to me.
Or maybe he was just trying to be friendly.† I kept going back and forth about this all day.† I decided to ask him some direct questions if he was in one of the chat rooms tonight.
I had a repeat guy tonight.† Usually I allow that if the guy was memorable but tonight I didnít know the guy from Adam even though he insisted that we had a special time together.† He begged and begged and I finally relented, I donít know why I guess I was bored and thinking more about the 44 year old guy than trying to find a guy to get my thrills from.
Once the guy and I connected on the cam I remembered.† He dressed up in a dog suit and had me give him doggy commands.† What a ridiculous goofy guy!† He was really into it jumping around and barking like a happy puppy so it wasnít boring but it wasnít what I would call fun.
The next guy wanted to talk about life more than have fun.† Once we connected on the cam he started telling me his fucking life story and we never did start anything fun.† Itís guys like this that make me want to charge for this, like a dollar or two a minute, then he can tell me all he wants about his boyfriend not understanding him or whatever.† I couldnít hang up on him quickly enough but I wasnít rude.† Well, maybe a little.
Once I was done with boring talk guy I found the 44 year old in the same chat room as the last two nights and at around the same time.† I started to think of him as Old Reliable.† That probably doesnít apply to his dick, though.† Hehe.
Right away when I re-entered the chat room OR said hello so I asked him for a private chat.† I asked him why he likes chatting with me and he said that Iím a beautiful woman just from the way I chat with him.† Yellow flag number 1, you havenít even seen me and you think Iím beautiful.† I asked him if he masturbates when he talks with me and he said no.† Yellow flag number 2, you go to a sex chat room and find a ďbeautiful womanĒ but donít even masturbate.† I asked him to tell me about his background and he said that he has a Masterís degree in economics from an Ivy League school.† Yellow flag number 3, bullshit meter on high.
I was tempted to just say goodbye forever loser but I had a boring night in the chat rooms and decided to give him a chance.† At least he isnít making me watch him in a dog suit or boring me with his life story.
Thatís when I realized that he wasnít boring me at all.† He is interesting, the way he phrases his comments.† And heís funny.† He has a dry sense of humor and I realize that he has made me laugh a lot over the past few nights.† He is intelligent and I like that.† Why am I bothering with yellow flags?† It isnít as though I am looking into a relationship with him or anything.
He asked about my background and I tried to act tough that I didnít care much for school or my home environment as a child but I canít fool my journal.† I donít think I fooled him, either.
I write these journals to make myself happy about my experiences but now Iím sad.† I am going to bed.
Tuesday, Iím still sad this morning.† I didnít sleep well.† Iím going to force myself to write in this journal to help myself work through issues.† I donít really have issues but I just wish that 44 wouldnít have made me so fucking sad.† Fun day at work ahead, customers better have their deposit slips filled out!
Work wasnít so bad.† It was good to get out my frustrations by typing into the journal.† I backspaced probably about 30 fucks lol.
I had some time to think and realize I was sad because Iím not exactly in a great career situation.† I guess if I had tried to do something in school, but Iím not going to look back with regrets.† I canít go back in time.
I am liking this journal.† Just thinking about what I was going to type made me feel better today.† Tonight I am clubbing so there wonít be any chat room to journal about.† Good thing, I could really use some male ass to beat my frustrations out on.
This morning is much better than yesterday.† My arm got worn out from all of the whipping and caning I did last night and I got a lot of good tips or tributes or whatever itís supposed to be called.† I was exhausted when I got home and just fell right into bed.† Off to work now, I think Iíll be nicer to customers today.
Tonight I confronted the 44 year old man.† I didnít even log on to the chat rooms until the time he usually logs on and sure enough he logged on just a few minutes after I did, Old Reliable for sure.
I asked him by what right does he make me feel bad about myself.† He became all contrite that he had hurt me and he didnít intend it.† I told him that he lied about how great and successful he is and then rubbed it in my face that Iím a nobody and he didnít intend that to hurt me?† WTF.
He then lied that he was sorry and said that he would like to make it up to me, whatever.† I told him that there isnít anything he could do to make it up to me, itís not like I could find his 44 year old saggy ass attractive or anything.† I actually said that to him and was proud of myself for it.† I was expecting an argument or some fake song and dance that he is a dashing gentleman jetsetter who has women hanging off his arm or something.† He tried a different song and dance and said that he was crying for having hurt me.
Thatís when I started to feel bad again.† Why do I give a fuck that I hurt some guy I never met?† And he probably isnít hurting at all, I know emotional blackmail when I see it.† I have never met someone so manipulative before.
But then I realized that this is all a game and why should I have emotion swings just because some guy is playing me.† I donít like being played for a fool but I have decided to turn this around to him.† Maybe he likes to get his sexual pleasure at emotionally manipulating women.† Or maybe he likes to play a game in which he is the victim of emotional swings.† Heís a good actor I have to give him that, if I was 19 years old or something I might believe his fake mood swings.
Either way, Iím going to turn this around on him tomorrow night.† His fake emotions will be dancing for me.† Iím going to crush him.† Play a fake game with me and I play to win.
After writing in my journal for tonight it was still early so I went back online to see if Old Reliable was still there and he was.† We went back in to private chat and I played his game to the fullest.† I told him that he had hurt me badly and I didnít think I could look anyone in the eye at work again.† He played all contrite again and tried to talk me up as being a beautiful human being blah blah.
I shouldnít gloss over it.† I admit that it was nice to be praised on how I chat and how beautiful I am on the inside, even if itís just a game to him.† Heís such a good chatter that everything he said could have been the truth if it wasnít just a game.† I allowed him to shower me with praise and then I swung my virtual mood back to happy joy and he went along with me.
It was by far the weirdest chat I have ever had.† And believe me, I have had some weird ones (the guy who tricked me into watching him suck another guyís dick on cam until I disconnected quickly comes to mind) but nothing non-sexual and strange like this.
Feeling strange about it I ended the chat and told him to get ready for a cam tomorrow night because I wanted to see what he looked like.† He tried to beg off saying that he didnít have a cam but I told him I donít care how fat and ugly he is, I just want to talk to the real person for once and not a fake and that got him to agree to purchase a cam or use the one he probably has already but was lying to me.
Am I too cynical?
Wednesday, Iím spending too much time thinking about Old Reliable and not enough about domination fun.† I guess thatís because itís hard to anticipate something when I need to wait for the guy on the other end to tell me his fantasies.† Itíd be nice to just take control of a guy and do whatever the hell I wanted but thatís not how it works as guys wouldnít agree to that because they wouldnít enjoy it.† Iím not complaining, I get a lot of enjoyment out of it.† Much better than work but I have to pay the bills so Iím out.
I decided to enter in my journal as soon as I get home after work like now.† This is fun and sort of cathartic.† Maybe one day when Iím old like 44 years old I will look back and say ďHow quaint, now that I have 10 slaves to do my bidding in my mansion it was strange to look back to where I was.Ē
I also decided today that thinking about OR was not bad because I am dictating the terms and I am in control.† Itís a sort of domination where Iím going to play with his fake emotions and expose him as a fake.† I donít have hostility, though, Iím sort of all talk on this journal.† I think weíll have fun and heíll see that Iíll see heís just been playing and we can laugh about it.
I donít know what to say.† Iím shaking.† Itís going to be a long night because I need to make some sense out of what I just experienced, what we experienced.† I had it all wrong.
I taunted Dave (thatís OR) for a while on chat pretending to be hurt then happy then hurt.† I apparently am a good actress myself.† Then we connected on cam and my perception changed.
The fool was legit crying.
I know that just typing this makes it seem like Iím the fool for believing crocodile tears but those were real as was the rest of our conversation tonight.
I guess itís okay because it ended well but I laughed at what I thought were his crocodile tears and I was as mean as I could be making him believe that he hurt me.† I guess it took me a few minutes but eventually I realized that this was not a game to him.
It was an honest mistake because all of the other stuff he told me seemed like bullshit and also who cries just because of some chat from someone you donít know?† Well, Dave does or at least he did with me.† I donít know if he just latches onto people emotionally and then cries when he thinks he has hurt them but thatís what he did with me.
We talked for a long time on cam and he convinced me that he did not bullshit on anything.† That is what hurt him so much, that he is always so open and honest but it still seemed like lies to me.† He showed me his Masterís degree which gave me his real name and he told me some about economics which was interesting though some of it was over my head.† Still, he was patient with me in helping me understand.† I donít know why economics was interesting but he has a great personality, once he stopped crying, and itís fun to talk with him as he always has a funny or poignant thing to add.† At my insistence he even swung his cam around to show me the nice computer room he has in his house and told me a little about his ex-wife.
And my gosh he listens.† I donít think Iíve ever had anyone really care what I have to say.† We talked politics and religion and I just spilled my heart out about my previous relationships (all bad) and just about everything else.† I didnít mean to be crying on his shoulder about all of the crap I never wanted to talk about before but he was there for me and seemed happy about it.
It was getting late so I had to end the session or whatever it was, even though part of me just wanted to talk all night.† It wasnít a session at all just a talk and we never even hinted at anything sexual.† He was just nice and I liked that.† We agreed to talk tomorrow starting earlier in the evening.
Thursday, last night when talking with Dave I decided to skip the club tonight so we could talk more but Iím having second thoughts.† I hate missing club night when Iím sick and Iím probably going to be jonesing for it tonight.† I look back on last nightís journal entry and I donít seem like myself, too sappy talk all night blah blah.
I decided to go to the club.† I donít usually journal on club night because Iím tired but Iím feeling guilty about no-showing Dave.† I said I would meet him online but I didnít.
Heís either going to just not see me again or knowing him he might cry at the pain of it all.† I shouldnít make fun of him, I really do feel bad.† I just didnít want to miss club night.
Friday, I didnít sleep well last night.† Yeah I felt guilty about no-showing Dave but it was more than that.† I donít know if this is going to seem sappy and Iíll probably get sick to my stomach reading it tonight after work but I am afraid that he might not show up tonight.† Am I worried about hurting another human being?† Yes but itís more than that, I would miss talking with him if he didnít show up again.
All last night I kept trying to understand what I see in Dave because it isnít the sex, thereís none of that.† He doesnít make me hot at all I mean heís good looking for an old guy but we just donít click in that way.† Part of me thinks that I just want someone to listen to me but it seems more than just that because I enjoy the thought of listening to what he has to say.† Iím confused.
Itís late and I should go to bed but I canít sleep anyway so Iíll post here.† Iím probably going to ramble.
Dave and I talked for hours.† He showed up early even though we had agreed to the previous night and he was totally okay with my no-showing him last night, even though I told him the truth which was that I went to the club instead.† I had him get close to the cam but I couldnít see any resentment or accusation.
And he smiles all of the time.† At first I thought it was just the shape of his face but at times when he is distracted by something he stops smiling.† I asked him about it and he said he is smiling because he is so happy to be talking with me.
Okay, Iím back.† I donít know why I get teary-eyed.† I get emotional when Iím tired.
How can this guy be real?† Where is the payoff he gets when I give him sexual satisfaction or whatever he is looking for?
I am thinking about what he said just before we ended the cam session after 5 hours.† I almost donít believe it was real.† Guys are such bullshitters that thereís no way I would take this at face value from anyone else but Ö I donít know.† I donít want to think about it.† Either he is bs-ing me in which case I shouldnít get so worked up about it or else he means it.† I canít think about what happens if he means it.
Dave said he loves me.† He clarified that he meant romantic love.
I really shouldnít get worked up about it either way.† If itís true then fine Iím not going to put my heart on the line just because of it.
Saturday, I just reread last nightís journal.† My heart is already on the line.† Damn it, why did I let myself get attached to this guy?† Instead of having fun for hours and hours I just chat with him.
Who am I fooling, not myself.† I need to loosen up.† I didnít sleep well again so Iím going back to bed.
I donít usually sleep in on a weekend but this morning I needed it.† Iíve decided that tonight I want to mix fun with pleasure or whatever and Iím going to see what sex Dave is into.† I hope heís submissive because Iíll never sub to anyone and vanilla is too boring.
Sunday, I didnít go to sleep last night.† Not because I had insomnia, itís because Dave and I talked all night.† Let me start at the beginning.
I guess I should talk about yesterday afternoon.† I never login to the chat rooms during the day, I just have too many other things to do.† But yesterday I wanted some cam sex because I had been spending so much time with Dave at nights.
Cam sex was good.† Letís see what I can remember.† The chat rooms werenít as crowded so it took a while to find anything interesting going on but then I found this one guy whose profile picture was absolutely to die for.† I figured it was probably a fake but it still stirs the imagination.† I kind of muscled my way into the conversation he was having with some girl and convinced him to private chat with me.† Once we connected on cam I almost melted because he was just as good looking as in his picture.† I almost reached for my vibrator even before I started dominating him.
Long story short he had one of those USB remote control sex toys I like because it gives me the power and in his case it was a sheath of electricity around his dick.† Letís just say that I shocked the shit out of his dick.† It was a lot of fun!
At first he was stoic like he was a tough guy who could take the pain but then I ramped up the intensity and was unmerciful once he started begging.† When the electricity is not on he could just unlatch and remove the sheath but I didnít give him a chance and despite fumbling at it and crying and pleading for me to let him remove it, I didnít let up.† I swear I had at least 6 orgasms as he was writhing on the floor and yelling.
Itís not like I havenít caused that much pain before or even that much dick pain, itís just that I had the control and he was so good looking that I couldnít stop.
Once I let him remove the toy I expected him to get angry with me as some guys do when I go farther than they wanted but after catching his breath he smiled and thanked me from the bottom of his heart.† He even got on his knees to thank me!† He asked if I would meet him again for another session some time but I said no, I donít schedule repeats and would only do them if I feel like it at the moment which is rare.† I believe in moving on.
After that I had enough and logged off until meeting Dave at 7pm.
Once Dave and I connected on the cam he said he had something for me and he showed me a beautiful bouquet of roses.† I have never received flowers before.† I always thought that flowers were for saps and hopeless romantics but it felt good to receive these from Dave.† I didnít really receive these, it was just on cam.† Anyway, it felt great.
One of the things I like about Dave is that he knows how to deal with my bratty attitudes.† I admit it, Iím bratty sometimes but he seems to enjoy dealing with my attitudes and he doesnít ever get angry himself.† Itís not as if I havenít given him enough reason to be angry with me at times.
We talked a lot about just some random stuff but I didnít get bored, just like the other nights earlier this week, I never get bored talking with Dave even though I get bratty about it afterwards about how I wouldnít get any cam sex.
I eventually did bring up cam sex with Dave.† He tried to tell me that it doesnít matter what he enjoys, he would be fine just talking with me and doesnít need to take advantage of my youth but Iím not a kid, Iím 29 years old, and I have needs.† He respected that and said that whatever I wanted to do would be good but I wasnít falling for that, my needs involve satisfying a manís inner submissive desires and sometimes pushing his limits, or crashing right through them.
A lot of guys take coaxing to come out of their shell and reveal their secret desires, and I usually rush through that because I want to get to the action.† In Daveís case, though, he was cute in his sort of shy way.
I know that itís almost impossible for a 44 year old man to be cute but itís not like he has any gray hair or a bunch of wrinkles and heís fit enough.† Heís self-effacing but not pathetic and heís just cute.
Iíve heard of a stereotype that submissive guys are often weak or wimpy overall, which is a bunch of bullshit, but I have met some pathetic guys I wonít lie, and itís usually because they lack self-esteem.† Iím no social worker but I try to get them through the issue as quickly as possible so we can get to the fun of cam sex.
I guess Iím trying to defend Dave.† He doesnít have a self-esteem problem but he does put himself down a lot.† I guess what Iím trying to say is that he has humility while being a strong person.
Shit I seem kind of pathetic myself.
Anyway, I wasnít falling for his whatever you want to do is fine with me stuff and I got him to admit that he would enjoy being dominated by a beautiful woman such as me.† He tried to be careful in making sure I understood that he wasnít trying to manipulate me into dominating him but hell I was the one manipulating the situation and I told him not to worry about it.† He can be a dirty old perv with me.† He laughed when I said that.
What he wanted from me was easy, just some yelling of commands and trash talking how worthless he is and it was fun commanding him to strip, crawl around on the floor like a dog, and play with himself as I watched and made fun of him. †It was fun and we both had a happy ending, though as always I kept mine below the camera line.† Iím not a peep show.
It wasnít the highlight of the night, though, for either of us.† We had more fun just talking about whatever, especially about how the government screws us with all of their policies.† Dave and I are both up on current events and we like to talk about those.
Then I sort of slipped up.† I had decided not to wear my heart on my sleeve too much but I donít know Dave sort of has a way of getting inside my skin.
I told him that I love him.† I didnít mean to and I donít even know if itís true.† Of course being the gentleman he is he told me he loves me too.† It was really awkward and I told him I had to step away to get something but he could see right through the ridiculous excuse so I didnít hide that I had to get a tissue to wipe my tears.
Looking back, I canít beat myself up for it.† I felt bad earlier this week for letting my emotions out but today I feel good.† Dave has a knack for coaxing my true feelings out of me.† I donít mean that love is my true feeling because I donít know but I mean that in general he is good at coaxing.
Shit, Iím denying again.† And crying again.† But it doesnít hurt.† Iíve had enough journaling for now.
Sunday night, the club wasnít that fun today.† Iíve decided not to be the Queen of Denial and just acknowledge that I have feelings for Dave.† But of course you arenít allowed to have overall increased happiness in life so the balancing factor is that I wasnít much interested in what was going on at the club.† My mind drifted several times as I cropped this guyís bare ass and normally I would have gotten really excited at hearing him scream and seeing him do anything he could to escape the pain but today I was sort of just on autopilot.† He still gave me a nice tip, though, and the guys I gave foot jobs to wouldnít have noticed whatever is on my mind anyway, itís like I donít even have a face to some of those guys and some of them would just be happy with disembodied feet lol.
Monday late morning, I called in sick to work today.† I should stop going to sleep at 5am.† Ok no QoD (Queen of Denial), I really care for Dave.† Iím not even going to try to put into words what we talked about although I will say that we had to clean our monitors off from the lip marks.† Shit that sounds sappy but Iím not going to backspace it.
Dave is flying out here to stay with me next weekend.† I know itís wrong and dangerous because he could be a murderer but heís not a murderer and my heart has spoken.† My heart always has final say.† What a laugh, I donít think my heart has had much of a say since high school when I realized that guys are scum.
Iím going to set up safe calls with a couple of my friends just in case, though.† It will be a bunch of calls all weekend to make sure they know I am safe and if they donít hear from me they are going to call the police.† Other than causing me harm I donít worry about Dave stealing from me or anything, itís not as though I have anything worth flying all the way across the country to steal.† Except my heart.
Iím terrified.† Iím in deep here and there isnít much of a way out.† What if he shows up and we just donít have the same spark?† Or any spark?† What if I find him disgusting or something?† I can say that I would just drop him but it would hurt bad and I donít know that I can take that.
Even worse, what if I fall in love with him but he leaves me or cheats on me?† Iím not equipped for that.† Iíd probably, I donít know what.
Friday morning, tonight after work I will pick up Dave from the airport.† Iíve never been so nervous in my entire life.† I feel sick to my stomach.† We have had a good week chatting for hours on the cam and he has been good at making me go to bed at a reasonable hour so I could work the next day.† I tried to get him to tell me what he does for a living but he tells me that he will let me know that after he meets me.
I also asked Dave if he is in a relationship.† If so should have told me days ago before we started exchanging our innermost feelings so this was a trap question making him bring it out in the open.† He said he is not seeing anyone else and hasnít since his divorce a couple of years ago.† At first I didnít ask him about his divorce but I felt I owed it to myself to get everything out on the table.
Dave said his marriage of 11 years was good but not fulfilling for either of them and they mutually agreed to part.† There were no kids so it wasnít a traumatic divorce but it was painful.† I let him know that I would listen if he wanted to talk about it but he said he is okay.
Dave and I had some more dominance and submission fun this week but nothing intense although always with a happy ending for both of us.† I thought about offering him to look at my entire body but decided to keep some mystery, or control.†
Tonight I wonít have any control.† Shit Iím so nervous.
Sunday night, I just dropped Dave off at the airport for his redeye flight.
As I waited for him at the airport Friday night with the bright blue sweater on so he would recognize me, I saw his bright red sweater and wanted to rush into his arms.† I hesitated until I saw him start to rush towards me and then we embraced.† It was probably the happiest moment of my life and I cried blah blah.
I donít want to write about it.† I canít put it into words.† Itís too real, beyond just internet chat rooms and webcams.† I just canít.
Note:† what would you like to see happen next?† Feel free to e-mail me at email@example.com.† If I update this story I will post the update here and I will note on the main page that there is an update.† Otherwise, I will keep creating other stories.† Thank you for reading!
Word Count = 8,200
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